Was I perhaps being too respectful?

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See... I reckon I should have called a relationship over but if there is one thing I know I'll regret... it's making any girl or woman cry...
In all honesty I've never been in the same room when the relationships ended which for me is well... lucky I guess...
I kind of do wish I stepped up and said that it was over though but... the fear of the reactions afterwards always took the toll on me.

I don't think "respect" is the issue at hand

Is it better to keep going on and going with a relationship that inevitably isn't going to last, just to save yourself from feeling those emotions?

... If it stops me feeling guilt and stops the abuse of others who are on the woman's side, yes.
It's not necessarily about going out with someone I'm unattracted to, more to do with not feeling the same after so many weeks and feeling more like friends.

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Last edited by SpiritBlooms on 09 Jul 2012, 7:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Seems kinda natural to me. You thought there was an attraction and it turned out there wasn't. These are emotions, and you can only control them up to a certain point. As well, any relationship is going to have at least one person who dislikes the notion, for a variety of reasons. Anyone watching on the sidelines can say anything they want, but at the end of the day, you are the one having the experience and you are the one who has the emotions. Be honest with yourself, your emotions, and the other person in question. Yes, all of this may hurt currently, but imagine how much more guilt and pain will build up if you stall this point for a long time. Hope all goes well!!

Yup.....if anybody thinks it's hard to tell somebody you love them, wait until you have to tell somebody that you DON'T love them, and you'll realise you didn't know what difficult meant.

I've broken relationships.....the worst time was when the partner hadn't really done anything awful for ages but I'd gradually disengaged from her emotionally and couldn't get the feeling back. Other times it's been much easier because they broke some very basic ground rules. A particularly difficult breakup was the spouse who abandoned me but wouldn't actually end the relationship......I lost count of the number of times I had to reiterate that it was over between us.......she would just slide back into assuming I was still there for her.

I don't think it's just weakness. I have an acute sense of rejection and I absolutely hate to dish out something that has hurt me so much when it's been dished out to me. I feel like I'm pushing a child out into the snow to die. If I didn't feel that reluctance, it would mean I had no compassion.

It's easier done remotely.......a letter or something. Most of us are probably hurting people in the Third World in all kinds of indirect ways, but we don't feel like sociopaths because we don't personally have to attack them and we can't see the looks on their faces. Same with evicting people from one's life.

Well there was my first and didn't know really what I was to do.
Sure, maybe I was a coward but I reckon if I did say it was over... I would've been hated by many people and most may have turned on me when she had her own difficulties, plus mine were generally teased anyway... Second one though yeah I should have done.

I know it's really hard; but your really hurting the girl more by continuing the lie.

If she likes you, it's gonna hurt when you break up.

It's going to hurt 100 times more if you live the lie for a while, let her fall more in love with you, then end it.

These are love relationships that have ended by the way. No relationships now, I'm single.
It's more of a reflection of thinking I really should not be a coward when it comes to calling it quits.
In the case of the first, I never did say and since we're generally get along as friends, is it really worth saying that I should have ended it sooner rather than letting things get that bad and possibly losing her as a friend?

If your single now; it doesn't matter.

Why would you go back to your ex just to tell her you should have ended it sooner? She's probably moved on and that would just be senseless cruelness.

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Last edited by SpiritBlooms on 09 Jul 2012, 7:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

not women, everybody does

Amazing........I thought I was the only one left who follows the ethic of labelling behaviour rather than the person.

First one... yeah she's moved on and we're happy as just friends so telling her that would be wrong.
Second one... let's just say she was walking all over me so really should have grown some balls.
Thanks to you both SB and twr.

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Last edited by SpiritBlooms on 09 Jul 2012, 7:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.