Questions to ask and not to ask women...

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hvtitan08
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21 Aug 2012, 10:03 am

I have an issue with asking women personal questions about their sex life and their past relationships with other men. What questions should I ask and shouldn't ask when getting to know a woman better in order for our relationship to go further? Like, for instance, in the past, I've asked women if they're a virgin, or if they m**t**b**e (meaning if they're a "naughty girl"). I also have a problem with discussing religion and politics with women when they have certain beliefs and opinions that I debate with them about. I also, at times, discuss sex, when, I know, sex is a inappropriate topic to discuss with women.
When a girl asks for my phone number, I impulsively give it out, anyway. What should I do in a case like this? The last time I gave a female individual my phone number, she is currently using it for illegal purposes. She is giving collection agencies a fraudelant name, social security number, and address, but using my phone number, and my dad as an emergency contact. She wanted me to give her my phone number just so I could be her boyfriend, and she would call me every hour of the day, wanting to have phone sex. I now refer to her as a prostitute, because she would also put the receiver down near her private area, and make me hear her finger herself. I feel like that since then, I have been seduced, and my relationship with females - especially with my female cousins and aunts on my dad's side of the family - has been shattered by this whore that lives in Texas. I was baptized in 2007, and accepted christ into my life at the beginning of this year, and now I feel dreadful and tarnished by this girl who has put derogatory thoughts and feelings about women in my memory for all of time.
I can't stop calling my case manager a whore everytime I get mad at her, my sex life and my life in general is in jeopardy because a mental health professional asked me a question that has stunned me for the rest of my life, I don't feel like myself, anymore.


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21 Aug 2012, 10:32 am

To me, it sounds like this woman who took your number has seriously overstepped your sexual boundaries (as well as personal boundaries with the fraudulent activity). It is possible to be counseled by a sex therapist, who will ideally help you overcome any sexual trauma you may have experienced with this woman or with anyone in your past. It's not uncommon for people to think about sex constantly and violate others' boundaries when their own boundaries have been violated, but it's a good idea to seek help for that.

Maybe you should go to the doctor and tell him/her about your concerns, and ask to be referred to either a sex therapist or a regular therapist if you're too embarrassed to be specific.

As to your subject title, I don't think I'm very good at dating business, so hopefully someone else will be able to answer. Sexual questions right away are definitely way too personal, though. Maybe you can ask them about where they work, what family life is like, or what their hopes and dreams are? Dream job, dream vacation, etc...then you would get to know their personality better.

I hope my response makes sense and isn't too weird. Good luck.



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21 Aug 2012, 10:39 am

[Moved from Social Skills and Making Friends to Love and Dating]


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21 Aug 2012, 11:27 am

How evil can people get?



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21 Aug 2012, 12:21 pm

Well, you seem to have an overly pure vision of women. If you accepted Christ into your life, and your religion's moral teachings, well then, that's you, but it's a bit disrespectful to call someone a "whore" or a "prostitute" just because she enjoys being overtly sexual with you. I just felt the need to say that.

Or if you really must hold those derogatory thoughts and feelings, try to restrain them; your female cousins and aunts are not her, so try to aboid generalizing. You say you are seeing a counselor, he or she may be able to help you with that, too.

On discussion topics, well, it depends on the person. Some people like talking about religion, some don't. Ditto with sex. Those sure are controversial topics, so it's not a good idea to put them into your every conversation, especially with someone you've just met. But for those who like talking about those topics, there you go! Differentiating between the two is tricky though.


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lostgirl1986
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21 Aug 2012, 12:51 pm

Don't ask her about her past relationships like how many men she's slept with and who.



thewhitrbbit
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21 Aug 2012, 1:29 pm

My friend told me when her sorority does recruiting they are told to avoid asking the 3 B's. Boys, (Sex Questions) Bush (Political Questions) Beer (Partying questions)

I would say not to ask any questions like that until you really know the person. It sounds like your basing your entire experience with all women off this one girl and I can't even figure out how it's that big of a deal.

If your that concerned, use a service like Google Voice to protect your real phone number.

And you do know that a woman enjoying sex doesn't make her a whore or a prostitute. Women can and should enjoy sex just as much as guys. One thing I hate about the Christian faiths is that they make sex out to be a very dirty thing that women shouldn't enjoy and should only be done to have kids. Sex is a gift from G-d to be enjoyed. In the Jewish faith, having sex with your wife is an act worthy of blessings, and it is commanded that the man should please the woman.



JanuaryMan
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21 Aug 2012, 2:02 pm

Ask about: Their interests, their passions in life, useful questions about those interests and passions (it shows you aren't just nodding your head and hoping for some nookie).
Don't ask about while on a date: Their family, their kids, their exes. It's meant to be a fun escape, not a reality check. :P



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22 Aug 2012, 10:18 pm

If this woman is calling you ever hour of everyday and you don't want her to, you may be able to get a restraining order.

Have you thought about changing your number?



thedaywalker
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23 Aug 2012, 2:52 am

its only apropriate to talk about sex after having sex, or maybe during if your both very insicure.