Should I do anything about this situation?

Post Reply New Topic

Okay so throughout July I've been dating this guy. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend but we were seeing each other. We'd go for drives or go out for dinner and a movie or go to his house. I met him off of Plenty of Fish. At first I kept my guard up. I think he was more smitten with me than I was of him. He texted me A LOT. He'd tell me all of these lovey dovey things. He was way more into it than I was. We were trying not to have sex right away. He even said that sex usually changes things. The more I saw him, the more I got to know him and the more I fell for him. Well that all changed last week, we ended up having sex.

The night we had sex when he drove me home he was really happy and after I got home he texted me and said what a great night he had and blah blah. After that night things have been really different. He doesn't want to hang out as much, he doesn't text me as often and things were just kind of weird after that, for example I'd sometimes initiated something sex related and he wouldn't really acknowledge it in his text or he'd respond without much enthusiasm, before it was him who was texting me sex related things and me being kind of intimidated by how fast it was all going.

Granted he's had a lot of bad things happen to him in the past few weeks. At first his friend commit suicide when we first started seeing each other but he texted me quite often and I'd try to support him and comfort him and he was still really into me at that point. Then last week his cat had to go to the vet and he had to pay over $1000 for that and he was really worried about his cat all week. Just last Friday his grandpa had to go to the hospital and he's dying. So he has been especially distant since his grandpa has been in the hospital, which is perfectly normal in his circumstances. I've been as supportive as I possibly could be. He's barely texted me anymore, he does once in awhile to see how my day is going but I don't know, I'm a bit confused.

I understand that a lot has been happening but ever since we had sex there's been a big communication barrier between us, he's been less affectionate and communicative. This was long before the hospital thing. He texted me this morning to see how my day was going and I texted him back but he hasn't been replying. I've kind of been like supporting him and making sure I was here but I haven't been pushing myself at him as much as I used to.

I mean in normal circumstances I should just let him come to me if he really liked me but with all that's happened to him and his grandpa dying I'm trying to make myself available to him if he needs someone to talk to. Maybe I've done all I can do? There's not really much else for me to say in this kind of situation. He hasn't been calling me babe or hun like he usually had and I just about had given up yesterday but this morning he called me babe again so I'm a bit confused.

What specifically are you asking, sorry?

The only way you're going to know why he's acting this way is to be direct. Maybe ask something along the lines of "I know that things have been hectic right now for you, but I've noticed you since we've had sex you've been less communicative. I'm wondering if things are okay between us."

You didn't state that, but you probably are thinking about it. Do you fear at some level that he lost his interest for you after having sex?

It might very well be just that. Or something else, I don't know. But if you feel he's being distant, then maybe you should be more distant, too, otherwise there would be an imbalance where you're the one initiating contact all the time, and such things don't usually end well. You say that happened before the hospital thing, which complicates the situation, but doesn't seem to be the right reason.

You can always be direct, too, depending on how things turn out to be.

'The only way you're going to know why he's acting this way is to be direct. Maybe ask something along the lines of "I know that things have been hectic right now for you, but I've noticed you since we've had sex you've been less communicative. I'm wondering if things are okay between us." '

although this would generally be good advice, timing is everything. if he's already overwhelmed, your concern for the relationship could be just one more thing he doesn't have the energy to deal with. i think you're doing everything right. give it some time for his life to settle down. if things don't automatically straighten out, then ask.