Seperation and rules?

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My wife and I are currently seperated. There is no relationship at present. That being said I have told her that I hope to reconcile in time as I work on how my aspergers relates to her.. She can't promise anything but has not ruled anything out either.
That has been said a few times,
I am not psychic but had a dream that she was Internet dating. I know this is just a dream but if she was should she tell me. I think yes and would be furious if she did not!
I would hate to think that one of my friends saw my wife on a dating site and I didn't know.

I do not know about the social rules, but I heard when my parents seperated that they had to pysically live seperate for a year before they could actually divorse from eachother legally.

When it comes to social rules, if she said she can't promise anything, I would read that as everything goes, but I could very well be wrong.

I really don't know, it's like that "we were on a break"-arguement Ross and Rachael from "Friends" had, only way to know for sure is to ask her what she feels the rules of your seperation are. Are you free to date other people? Are you free to update your facebook status to single? Are you obligated to tell eachother if you do any of these things?

I hope things work out for the best, good luck.

Obligation and the right thing to do? What about if she isn't working and you are still supporting her?would that change anything?

I think you need to discuss it and work out what the rules are going to be. There's no set way of doing this, you do what works for you both, but it needs to be clear, so don't just assume anything. Talk about it.

Well if she was doing it already she should tell me IMHO . Because if I was I would tell her.

Theory of mind has taught me one thing, I can't assume I know what others would do, because they are not me, and my brain is impared when it comes to putting myself in others situation. It is not sure she would do what you would do in the same situation.

Then she has no obligation to tell you that she's dating.

Even if you would tell her if you were, that doesn't mean she has to. She may feel differently about confiding in you than you would like her to, but, imo, she has no duty to disclose her behaviour to you.

Well, notionally there is no relationship, but I think she has indicated that there's some hope of reconciliation, so I would see her as having a duty, if something was going on, to either tell you about it, or at least tell you that she'd decided reconciliation with you was now out of the question. Otherwise she'd be holding you in darkness and she'd be guilty of two-timing. If she's tolerating you socially at all, and knows you want her back, IMHO it would be cruelly manipulative of her to let you keep working on winning her trust back when in reality she'd already decided to look elsewhere.

What she actually would do, depends on the kind of person she is. It might help to just say to her, "You would tell me if you found somebody else, wouldn't you?" That might remind her that people usually need to know these things. I guess you're in the best position to judge how averse to deception she is.

But it was only a dream you had. Probably just means it's on your mind.

A lot of women have trouble saying no. If she's giving you wishy washy answers, it's probably her way of saying no without saying no. It's probably the singular most annoying aspect of female behavior.

If your not in a relationship with her, there are no rules.

I really am sorry; but it as simple as that.

You could equally argue that these days there are no rules in relationships either. This couple have been married for a long time and there's a child to consider too. And people have a right to know where they stand....I would say "even from women" but I don't think they're particularly murky in that regard.

There is definitely nothing you can do about it. If a person decides to do anything like that, whether you're separated or not, you can't stop it. No way. And it might be very well the case that she only used the possible reconciliation in order to avoid drama. Some women (and i guess men as well) just won't tell the truth in this respect. She might hope that things are going to work out with time, that you find someone else or simply leave her alone and gradually lose interest in her and the relationship.

Another point is, since i read some of your posts concerning the separation you're going through, i think you should really move on and find some new hobbies, interests, or friends, whatever could make you feel better. Being so dependent on another person is not healthy and will eventually drive her off.

In your post you mentioned that she did not make any promises, this suggests to me that she may not be as enthusiastic about the idea of reconciliation as you are. Asking her straight out is probably the best bet.

What is it that makes you suspect that she may keep this from you, or be dating at all? Usually when there's suspicion there is a reason.

There are rules in relationships; now not everyone follows them.

its about courtesy.. i dont have any reason to suspect that she is online looking for someone but would think i should be told if she is.

Some people (my ex included) don't give a crap about courtesy... Not only is dating about serving their own needs above all, it's also to spite you. Possibly... I'm speculating... but it's common.

If you're separated than I think you should expect that she may be looking for a new partner. It would be courteous for her to keep you informed of her personal life, especially since you are concerned about it. But she doesn't have to.



She could just be moving on with her life.