How does it work choosing potential dates *in person*?

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Well, I've been experimenting with a dating site lately and so far it's been interesting and fairly positive. However, I'm wondering, partly out of sheer curiosity, how I would go about getting a date with someone I met in person rather than on the internet.

I think the main thing that has me confused is this: I only find someone attractive after I know something about their character. The most helpful thing about the dating site for me has been having a page I can look at in as much detail as I like without anyone knowing, that gives me a basic impression of what someone's like. Just looking at someone tells me next to nothing about whether I'm going to like them at all. (I don't even have the slightest bit of "gaydar" to weed out those that are totally unattainable-- it's awful ) People are always saying not to judge a book by it's cover; well, I not only don't, I can't.

Given that, if I did want to get a date in person, how the heck am I supposed to choose someone to ask out/initiate contact with? Stalk someone and observe their interactions until I see something that tells me what kind of person they are (I've already been ridiculed for "staring" in the past)? Choose randomly and see what happens? Wait for people to approach me (doubtful whether this would ever happen because for some reason people don't find me approachable) and hope they have better sense than I do? Forget it and stick with the interweb?

Do you think this is an Aspie-related issue, or just personal cluelessness?

I have no idea how I can tell when women are into women but I can always tell, at least so far.

But I've had a handful of gay male friends who just use a female friend to find out. Honestly I think that was to avoid a potentially violent reaction to having a guy hitting on them which sucks but at least it created a safer way for them to go about finding out if a guy was gay.

It also got me loads of numbers. Other than that I have no idea.

I totally misunderstood your post haha. But I still have no useful advice. >_<

Wait yes I do! I guess this may be useless advice though.

In either case, what about adding them as friends on facebook?(if you use facebook!) Or... I don't know. I think it's harder for me to date guys because if it turns out after a few dates I don't want to screw them or get into a serious sort of relationship then they act like I'm a really terrible person which is never pleasant. So I never ask guys on dates anymore, and I can't offer that up as advice.

It's difficult getting to know whether or not you'd want to date a person without actually dating them though, if that makes any sense.

I totally misread your post and thought you WERE a gay guy with no gaydar. I feel like a blundering ass.

It's okay, no worries. That's the same kind of mistake I would likely make. But no, I'm a female who's interested in men or women, just ideally not gay men or straight women :/

The facebook thing might be worth a shot; I do have an account but don't use it much. Still means finding out people's names first.

I can't give you any useful advice for girls, but I know if you dress up and go out somewhere guys will most likely approach you and talk to you, especially if you go to a bar.

Maybe for girls, you could see if your town/city has a gay district. I know where I live there are several neighborhoods that are very gay friendly. Higher chance of meeting a girl who is bi/lesbian.