Is it a bad idea to date someone who is 18 years older?

Post Reply New Topic

Well, I've been chatting with someone on OkCupid a few times who seems really interesting. I've enjoyed talking to him and we seem to have a lot in common. We haven't talked about meeting up yet, but it seems like we might if we continue to talk, as he is quite local.

The only problem-- if, in fact, it is a problem-- is that he's 42.

I'm not sure how to feel about this and whether I want to continue with it. I have zero dating experience and I don't want to make a huge mistake. I do often find myself attracted to older men because they seem to have better attitudes and know themselves better, but even for me 18 years is a very large gap. On the one hand, I feel like if we're compatible then age shouldn't matter that much; but I'm worried about getting to know each other better and then starting to feel that it's creepy or something, or discovering that we can't relate because of the age difference.

What do you guys think? Would you consider dating someone this much older (or, for that matter, younger) than you? Terrible idea, or worth a shot to see how it goes?

I would consider it but it's worth bearing in mind such relationships may not last.

He's 42 and people these days stay in good health for longer, plus there's plenty of mileage left before any serious tastes change.
I'd say give him a chance if you like him and see what you think after a couple of dates

I like to think age doesn't matter, but I find that the younger the young person is, the more creepy it gets. Somehow the idea of someone who was a baby when this guy was near adulthood makes me feel like it's pedophilia, even though logically I know it's not the same at all Intellectually I feel that love is love, but my gut reaction is, this guy is old enough to be your father and there's something weird about that. Then again, there are plenty of couples out there with huge age differences who are truly happy together. Go with your own gut. You probably know best what's right for you.

I'd give it a chance. 18 years is a stretch, but there is 12 years between my mom and step-dad, and they're happy. I think the only thing I'd really be worried about is that oftentimes we Aspies are less mature in relationships than we are in a more mundane setting, and we end up prey to the cunning types. If your internal alarms start going off, pay attention to them, but give it a shot first.

Well... it sure has the creep factor, but that's more of a gut reaction than something intrinsically wrong. Some real problems it can bring are differences in maturity level, and what you said about not being able to relate to each other... that's a possibility too. My uncle is 10 years older than his fiancee, 27 and 37, but they make a great couple. Adding other 8 years to the fray... it shouldn't be a dealbreaker, but it is definitely something to take into account.

18 years is a lot.

Sure he's not looking for a sugar baby?

MY MIND... IS TELLING ME NO.
BUT MY BODY, MY BODY IS TELLING ME YES!

Anyhoo... the only time dating is deemed wrong is with someone who is not over the age of 16 if you are like 18+.

My parent are 18 years apart in age exactly. It is difficult because my mother is still working and my father has been retired for some time and would like her to be home with him all day.

My best friend's parents are about 20 years apart in age, and they divorced after their children were out of high school. The mother is still working and has her own house, but the father is getting to the age where he really needs someone to oversee his affairs and make sure he isn't living in filth, etc, but obviously his ex wife has things of her own that she needs to do and her own life now. So it is a bit stressful to their children because there is no one there to take care of him and he is in poor health.

Personally I've dated both older and younger. Whatever the age is, just make sure someone isn't going to tell you what to do, what to think, what to want in your life. As long as they respect you as an individual and you still make your own decisions about what you like and need, I don't think age is more important of a factor than compatibility. Plus a date is just a date! You might meet one older guy who seems way too old, and then meet a different older guy who is a great match, it depends on the individuals involved.

Could work.
Meet if it comes to it.
If possible get an NT friend to "double date". Then you'll have a better idea of whether he's genuine or not

I could never do it, but I can't say what's right for someone else. Then again, 18 years older than me is age 62!