Obsessing over women you're interested in?

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I have this problem that whenever I see a girl I'm interested in, I don't really approach them but hope they'll approach me. This isn't so much of a problem when I don't see them again (like when I see them at a party, for example) but it is when I regularly see them. I have no clue how to approach and kind of seek out opportunities where it is likely they'll say something to me (like sitting next to them in class), but that rarely works. Attempts to approach women I find attractive have been embarrassing in the past. So often it takes months before I finally manage to start a conversation with them and usually I'm so nervous I end up not saying much at all and being the most boring person ever. Other times I just come off as creepy (staring too much, for example).

In the past I've actually developed a crush with some girls I was hoping to talk to, falling in love with what I imagined them to be like (which was probably very different from what they were really like) and being a little heartbroken when I saw them getting involved with someone else. I don't allow for that to happen anymore but I still obsess somewhat over some women. I think some have noticed too, which again makes me look like a creep.

Basically, it takes me months to do what NT's can do in a matter of days, hours, minutes, that is walking up to a person, finding out if they are interested and moving on if they're not. So I was wondering if anyone else here has problems like this and how they've dealt with it? I know this is written from a guy's point of view but if there are women around here who have had similar experiences, feel free to share them.

Hi,

This would have been me up until only 3-4 years ago.
My advice would be not to let things linger. Interact with this person you like EARLY but don't overdo it.
Make jokes around them. If you get in their way apologise and let them go first. If you're walking your dog and they seem to find the dog cute let the dog see her. Just keep making small steps like that until it becomes normal to see and talk to them.

The thing is if you leave it for too long it will only get harder and more awkward for you to approach the girl. On top of that it will freak them the hell out and they may never know you ever liked them so will find it even more weird if you flirt with them. Possibly scary. And as you noted, other people will know when someone likes someone else. So the trick isn't to come right out with it but find other ways to let your feelings out, take home small victories and avoid the whole creepy factor thing.

I think this happens to most of us from time to time. We fixate on a girl and hope that one day she will like us enough to make the first move but that's just being completely unrealistic. I've had experiences with several girls in the past where I liked them but never did anything about it and surprisingly it benefited me more times than it didn't. Little did I know that some of the women I liked turned out to be crazy or completely unlikeable and I dodged a bullet so to speak. At the same time, I lost out on someone of the good ones where they never thought I was interested in them and if I would have asked them out, they might have said yes but they are with someone else now because I was too late. So reality there are both positives and negatives but I learned that the best thing to do is to get to know the romantic interests quick and to act quickly. Procrastinating and fantasizing about what could be will only make things worse. Better to have a no answer than to have no answer at all.

It can happen if you don't have a ton of experience in relationships and trust me, it's something you want to avoid because it can cripple your chances to form friendships and develop relationships with other people because you will be so focused on a detrimental relationship.

It's also a term known as one-itis.

ONE-ITIS

Common symptoms of stage 1 ONE-ITIS are the following:

-thinking she's so much different from any other girl you've ever met.
-thinking she is the most beautiful girl in the world.
-thinking she is to at least some degree innocent and moral. (See definition of a slu.)

Common symptoms of stage 2 ONE-ITIS are the following:

-calling her 2-3x a day, just to talk.
-staying on the phone when she calls you.
-analyzing everything she says and does. Example: "I saw Mary-Slu in the hall today, she looked my way, what did she mean by that???"
-completely ignoring every other girl who shows interest in you.
-asking anyone and everyone for advice and to over-analyze her actions.
-thinking your different from the other 100000000 million "good guy friends" she has. Reality check dbag, YOUR NOT.

Getting over-attached to someone is more normal than most of us would think.

A few days ago I was talking with a friend that has a kid, a stable partner and whatnot. One of the first things that she decided to bring up was that she felt jealous when a mutual friend of ours talked to a younger/prettier girl.

Now I understand that this is friend zone behaviour 101 and I made sure to make things clear to her but somehow it got me thinking about the amount of people on a similar situation, hiding it(she was drunk and it probably wasnt her best night otherwise I wouldnt have found out).


As for what to do: work on approaching them asap. Lets face it the perfect scenario doesnt exist. Is just your way of post-poning things for an extremely long period because you are afraid of a possible rejection.
Now think about this. Do you want to start imagining what she sounds like and whatnot for months and then make a mistake when trying to talk to her or would you rather just approach her asap and be done with it if it doesnt work.

It doesnt need to be the best conversation ever. The fact that you approached her for the first time usually helps leading to future conversations

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ya, basicly my style too, it does get better w/ age? but you have to work at it.
fear of rejection is a killer and we all have r own way of dealing/overcoming it