Dating an aspie - when to kiss him?

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Hello everyone,
I'd be very grateful for any advice anyone could offer. I recently became single and I've started seeing a man I've been friends with for some time. I'm in love with him and he knows it and he admitted to me that he also cares about me and wants to be with me. He also said (which I already knew by instinct) that he has Asperger's. He is very intelligent, but not so good at social cues. He's very affectionate and has no problem with hugs or holding hands (though I noticed he doesn't like his ears being touched without warning!) but we haven't kissed yet though we've been seeing each other for a couple of months. I don't mind at all but I tried to kiss him yesterday during a romantic walk as I figured he wasn't going to make the first move and he looked very upset and turned his face away. I know he likes me so I don't take it personally but I wonder what the best way to approach this is? I know he has had girlfriends before and such. I don't want to put too much pressure on him and I'd be happy to wait Thank you in advance for any advice you can offer.

Please don't take this the wrong way; it's lovely that you care for this guy and want to learn more about him,

But I don't think you will be able to do that from strangers on the internet. Not questions like this, which are unique to your own relationship.

You need to ask him why he didn't want to kiss you. He is the only one that can say why he acts that way and all we can do is give you false hope (or dismay), or the reasons why we personally would act that way... but the thing is, we're as different from each other as you are to any other NT girl on the street.

I think ask him now and once you know, then you'll have something to work with!

I know this sounds bonkers, but why not just ask him before you kiss him? (Rather than ask him why not!) If he has excessively sensititive skin (the ears may be the clue!), this gives him a chance to be mentally ready for a kiss. I'm no expert - just an Aspie married to an Aspie: we are still together after 29 years so we must have learned something!

Like others I wish you well, and hope that this relationship blossoms and flourishes for both of you!!

I think you're both right. Asking him first wouldn't be my usual way of doing things but in this case it would give him a chance to adjust and he can say 'No' if he wants to! Thanks!

And sorry if it seems like I'm generalising by looking for advice here, it just seemed like the place to do it as a number of other people were looking for relationship advice

It looks like he is different than me then. I'm too scarred to make the first move but I'd be pretty happy if she would. So I can't help you, I guess just talk to him.

Maybe its best when he expects you to do it or ask him if he would like you to kiss him. Aspies usually tend to be shy when it comes to those sort of things at, least I am. Surprise kisses although I sometimes dont mind it freak me out and I am the one that feels awkward lol.

Just tell him you want HIM to kiss you. Be prepared for the possibility that he doesn't like kissing on the lips. I know I don't like it.

yeah, I guess it should be on his terms.No big surprises! : )

I'm sure you are joking, but no, not everything has to be on his terms!! But you will need to accurately gauge (before starting to stretch?) his capacity for dealing with the spontaneous...

I'm a very affectionate Aspie guy myself & I would be uncomfortable receiving unexpected affection especially more intimate types like kissing if we haven't done it before. I would ask my partner before kissing her if I can & I would like the same from her in the beginning

Thank you for all the insightful responses, I wasn't joking! I think this man is also a very affectionate person, but just doesn't feel comfortable with an unexpected attack, as it were!

Sorry Berrygirl, only teasing!

But I meant what I said, that these things have a certain elastic quality, and as a relationship grows, it is possible to gently stretch the bounds of spontaneity without causing too much discomfort for the Aspie partner. It's a step at a time, maybe half a step, but we pair of Aspies are more spontaneous than we were when we first got together, but we'd both admit to treading on each other's toes a few times along the way. There is nothing magical about this: two NTs will engage in the same process, just maybe in a less thought-out way.

Maybe for an NT with an Aspie partner the insight lies in realising that what is a half step for an NT feels like two steps for the Aspie. The NT needs to be empathic in realising this, patient when their needs from the relationship seem to run ahead of those of the Aspie, and hopeful, because you can 'get there' in the end if both are committed to each others' happiness!

Next time when you guys hang out, give him a kiss on the cheek and see what happens

Since he likes hugging, hold him close and just let him rest in your arms and get comfortable. Ask him how he's feeling if you aren't sure. If he can open up to you, you're on the right track to finding out if it's time. If he doesn't mention anything about kissing, say to him "I'm ready." If he asks "For what?" tell him you want to kiss him.

When I first kissed my current girlfriend, I just held her in my arms and let her relax. When she was relaxed almost to the point of falling asleep, I lifted her chin up and told her I was ready. We both leaned in and after that, things were amazing. Really, just communicate with each other. That's what relationships are mostly about.

Most importantly, if he gets scared, or pulls away from a kiss quickly, stop and just talk as if it didn't happen unless he freaks out or something.