I think I did something either wonderful or really stupid..?

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at my Aspie group?

The first time I was there, this guy was very interested in talking to me. He was 20, and he dressed in tracksuits, and, honestly, if you saw him walking down the street, you would think he was a scumbag or something. He has Asperger's as well, but you would not think he had it, because he was so chatty and he has his friend at the weekend, goes to the gym, and has a job, and I checked his profile on Facebook, by the looks of it he is very popular. By even then he still comes to our group. But he was veyr interested in talking to me and stuff, and I noticed that these might be his AS traits, he was very forward and talk about personal stuff, like his father being a violent alcoholic, and he spoke very fast sometimes too, and when we are in class, he is always the one to speak up. He isn't the greatest looking guy around, but he is decent, and also he has tattoos, which is something I find very attractive on some guys. Anyway I remember he tended to look at me a lot during the day, and also I noticed he asked me twice if I had a boyfriend.
So I rememeber feeling a bit attracted to him, but then afterwards I told myself "No, don't start fancying him!" because I wanted to come to that group to get to know people and make friends at it, and not to be perving on the guys there, in case they are not interested and just make things awkward. So I was able to block out the little atraction I had, because I could also have been reasing inot him a bit too much, since I have a habit of doing that.

But then the second time I was there, we talked as normal, and then we were on a leisure trip to the museum. We talked as normal, and the out of the blue, he said to me: "I like you, Anne, you really nice and outgoing! and I was like "Oh, thank you, I like you too, John!" I said that because I thought he was nice and I liekd him as a person and hopefully a friend.

But then when we were walking back to the bus, he said again: " I do like you, Anne, you are nice, good-looking and have a great personality." and I was like again, surprised at his forward honesty in a good way: "Oh! Thanks again, I like you too!"

But then he said: "So Anne, any chance of a kiss?" and then really surpised and taken back i said: "Oh..emm...yeah ok I don't mind. Where will we do it though?" By then the group went ahead and we were on our own, so he leant in and kissed me. Wasnt exactly romantic, sicne I felt his tongue already and was very quick. So when we went back we sat in the back of the bus and held hands, hiddne in view, and rubbe dmine a few times, and I did too, but other times it was limp because I was so afraid and stuff. When we got back, I think he noticed because he did not seem happy or something.


Oh crap what should I do? My feelings about him are mixed and confusing. I would not mind havng a fling or a relationship with him, but I am afraid that if it does not work out, it will make things awkward for us at the group, or worse he would tell everyone at the group and get them to turn against me, since I have been there only two times, while others have been there for years. Because this is the first group in years where I feel wanted and if i do anything out of the ordinary, no one cares. I ahve seen some of the stronger Aspies, do stuff liek clap their hands randomly for no reason, or knock over stuff by accident, and they don't stare or snigger like some NTs would, they just go about their own business. Another thing I woudl be afraid of is that if I do get ina relationship with him, that he would want to be b y my side all the time, when I would want to make friends with teh girls there as well as be with him.

Please help, because he will either ignore me nest time i go, or want another kiss, and make it our secret thing. What would you do in my situation?

Joining another group is out of the question, since this is the ONLY group in between 4 or 4 countys. (im from Ireland, btw) some people have to take the bus or train to get to the group, and they live so faraway. So if I leave this group, there is no where else I can go to.

How old are you?

Hey,

I was going out with someone in my group for a little while. Don't worry about breaking up so much. If you are both mature about it or as long as you are mature about it you have nothing to worry about. You are all there to meet people like yourselves and have fun and learn and stuff like that so people aren't going to judge you or think badly of you. Quite frankly, the new girl always seems to get the eye of the group if they are at least average looking. It seems to be the case in my group as well..

How old are you?

If you do decide to date don't do it right away. See how he behaves at group around you now that you have kissed, before you start dating. And when you do date, I think you should set some common ground rules about when being at group e.g. how much contact is too much, it being ok to talk to both genders, have you -time etc.

I did the same thing when meeting a guy in college. I let him kiss me then later he tried to be forceful and I didn't let him kiss me again so he just moved on. Can't say what will happen in a group dynamic but don't let him think he has more privileges than your allowing.

I'm not going to say yes or no, but whatever you decide to do, don't go along with whatever he wants just because he wants it. It's fine if he suggests something and you like the idea, but if you don't, then say no.

If you still like him but don't want to move too fast, you can suggest that you take things slowly.