Bitten Again

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I did not want to date since i recently had a break up but there was this guy who i was introduced to through a friend.. He started expressing a lot of interest in me to the extent that he would cook for me and send me food to my work place, send me flowers if he saw my bbm status expressed something low. And as silly as I was, i gave in..Within a week he asked me to marry him not knowing the entire truth. He is 2 years older to me and I am divirced. When i told him that he said age is nt a prob but he will talk to his parents aboput the whole me being a divorcee. He used to urge me to move in woith him but i refused though i spent quiet a few nites with him, and he always told me he loved me no matter what my past was. There was a time when he wud not let me stay at my own place. would directly pick me after work and drop me to work the next day too..Jus the day before he lied to me saying some relatives were to meet him. That nite after they left he came to me n confessed that it was marriage prospect that his parents had arranged who came to see him and he said no to them. I told him that he shud have told me the truth in the morning iteslf before they came and he said i dint know how to tell you but i am confessing now and swore he said no the girl and wanted to push this thing away till he wud get a chance to speak to his parents face to face about me n make em understand. Yesterday, after he dropped me home in the morning he behaved weird the whole day..dint even ask me to meet him in the evening and did not even txt me or call till i got so angry that i deleted him from my contacts. Lied to me that he had work at 7pm when I knew that he was lying. he txtd me after i del him and waiting for 4 hours that "i see am nt on ur bbm list, thanks for everything, cool, tc".. He called me today morning and pretended to act normal and said his parents said a blunt No to having me in the family. I feel so used..i think he met that girl and finalized on her coz he was on ph a lot that same nite i was with him after he met her family. But he kept insisting he had said no to her.
I feel so used and depressed. when he knew i was so hurt in life anyways, he jus used me for a while n got bored. i th*t he was a genuinely nice guy..

And you didn't see this as a major red flag? A week isn't typically enough time to know whether you even LIKE a person or not.

Oh dear!

What's funny?

In a day you could like or love a person... though rushing into engagement or marriage is always a major red flag unless you know the person for maybe 1 or 2 years, maybe more in some cases.

It sounds like he's from s different culture, such as Indian or Middle Eastern culture, both

where it's more the norm to ask someone quickly,

and family approval is incredibly important.

That long isn't always needed. My parents only knew eachother 6 months and got married, and are married 23 years in October I think? I've lost count xD
They also married at a young age, my mum being 20 and my dad 22. They also had me a year later when she was 21 and he was 23. I think that's right anyway.

^ This.

six months is more than a week....I got married after knowing someone for only 9 months. Biggest mistake of my life!! ! I'm not saying it can't work. Sometimes you 'just know' but a week????? I mean does he even know what her middle name is?

When I was 26, I had a relationship where I was more into her than she was into me. She abandoned me for seemingly very petty reasons, and the situation hurt me a whole lot. I had a lot of anger toward her.

I wrote a letter to her. I worked on it, parts I said directly, other parts I said diplomatically, even presidentially. I didn't want to crush her, I wanted to be middle of the road.

As soon as I dropped the letter in the mailbox and walked away, I felt a tremendous weight come off my shoulders. (It also occurs to me that asking someone to talk to her on my behalf may have worked just as well.)

I'm sorry for what happened but being single for now is better than being married to a liar husband and controlling parents in law.
Just forget about him

A "week" consisting of a couple casual dates is quite different from a week wherein you spend every single moment within mere feet of one another, talking about everything under the sun and confiding secrets to one another you've never told anyone.

It's fine if that level of intimacy takes months or years for some people, because they do the whole million-and-one-casual-dates-before-it-can-get-real route, but not everyone does.

Yea. We are Indians.. And I am 2years older to him. I jus felt that if he can accept me with my past, then he may be the right guy and I can give some time to get to know him. But after telling him of my past, in a week's time he turned back with thr reply that his parents gave a blunt no. And he had told me he wud sit in front of them and explain the situation, but he chose to call them (something which he said wud complicate the situation) and dint even tell me for a day that he had spoken to them with this result. this was inspite of claiming that my past is of no relevance to him and wud never make him stop loving me.

Last edited by divineangel on 18 Jul 2012, 5:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

I felt it was strange that he decided on the marriage bit. The thing was, he was after me for a couple fo months but i was refusing to meet him since I was still dwelling in my recent break-up. But then we spent these 2 weeks together at his home, only going to work in the morning, and then together for the rest of the week. I confided all to him and was so happy that he understood though at that moment i told him that I woulc completely understand if he wanted to end this knowing that it may be a problem. He hugged me and told me he will love me irrespective of my past...and i really believed him. But now i feel cheated.. I wonder if he jus said all those things about marriage only to get me in bed (which ofcourse i dint let him go all the way). I have my doubts on that though. but at this point i dont know what to believe.

Well he does not live with his parents. But i agree that his conviction to stand up for me was not at all strong. He claimed that he would talk to them face to face and ,ask me meet them so that they know i am a likable person. But he jus spoke to them over the phone, which was something he had planned he would never do.

This was exactly what happened. We spent these weeks barely away from each other. Even he went to get his car from the mall parking and i would be waiting in the mall, we would talk to eachother on ph till then. But i dont know vat to believe anymore. I am so shattered with what has happened.