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What's your opinion. Friends big love problem.

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OliveOilMom
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28 Jul 2012, 12:13 pm

I don't know what advice to give here. Need opinions.

A friend of a friend (from now on who will be referred to as AFOIF) has been in a long and boring marriage, but she loves her husband and kids, although he's not all that great to her. She has recently started an affair with a guy who is literally crazy, but who she thinks is really hot and their sex is amazing. He's divorced. She's friends with his ex and their kids are friends. He's just now asked her to leave her husband and move in with him and bring the kids. She knows it's way too early but doesn't know how to handle things now or how to "blow it off" like he didnt' really say it. She's taking him to Mass this afternoon and confession so she's got to hang out with him another day.

Any advice?


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redrobin62
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28 Jul 2012, 12:19 pm

Sigh. These affairs never end well. The one who is left out can become bitter and enraged to the point of violence. Honesty has always been the best policy. "Honey, I don't love you anymore. I want out of this relationship. It's just not working."


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OliveOilMom
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28 Jul 2012, 12:21 pm

Oh, her husband doesn't have any guns.


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28 Jul 2012, 12:36 pm

A friend of mine tried to explain me that things are more complicated than they seem when you are young(has a stable partner/mentioned getting jealous because of a crush was paying attention to someone else, I had the great idea of playing devils advocate for a while)

I still cant understand why your friend isnt just honest with her husband(regardless of wether he owns a gun or not).

Doing this affair behind her husbands back doesnt sound like loving him to me(which is what you mentioned on the first paragraph)



aspiemike
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28 Jul 2012, 12:39 pm

Sounds like complicated neurotypical bullsh** to me. I'd stay out of this one.



OliveOilMom
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28 Jul 2012, 12:47 pm

He's cheated on her a bunch.

And she's not NT so don't just automatically go there.


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spongy
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28 Jul 2012, 1:02 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
He's cheated on her a bunch.

And she's not NT so don't just automatically go there.

Then she should have probably considered wether it was a healthy relationship at the time.
An eye for an eye just doesnt seem like something two adults with kids should do



minotaurheadcheese
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28 Jul 2012, 1:15 pm

Running from one relationship (especially a dysfunctional one) straight into another isn't generally a good idea. If I were giving her advice, I would say: treat the marriage and the affair as separate issues. If you don't want to be in your marriage, it should be a personal decision that's well thought out, not something that's contingent on another fling. Likewise, if it's not time to move in with this other guy, you shouldn't jump into it just because you want a divorce. Your first concern should be what's good for you and the kids, and you probably need some space to figure out what that even is.


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28 Jul 2012, 1:30 pm

minotaurheadcheese wrote:
Running from one relationship (especially a dysfunctional one) straight into another isn't generally a good idea. If I were giving her advice, I would say: treat the marriage and the affair as separate issues. If you don't want to be in your marriage, it should be a personal decision that's well thought out, not something that's contingent on another fling. Likewise, if it's not time to move in with this other guy, you shouldn't jump into it just because you want a divorce. Your first concern should be what's good for you and the kids, and you probably need some space to figure out what that even is.


This, but amended slightly to give priority to the children.



AScomposer13413
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28 Jul 2012, 4:14 pm

Marcia wrote:
minotaurheadcheese wrote:
Running from one relationship (especially a dysfunctional one) straight into another isn't generally a good idea. If I were giving her advice, I would say: treat the marriage and the affair as separate issues. If you don't want to be in your marriage, it should be a personal decision that's well thought out, not something that's contingent on another fling. Likewise, if it's not time to move in with this other guy, you shouldn't jump into it just because you want a divorce. Your first concern should be what's good for you and the kids, and you probably need some space to figure out what that even is.


This, but amended slightly to give priority to the children.


Seconded!


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JanuaryMan
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28 Jul 2012, 4:19 pm

cheese and Marcia are on the mark with this one.



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28 Jul 2012, 5:43 pm

fifth'ed?

Yeah, what minotaur said sounded reasonable.


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28 Jul 2012, 5:44 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
Oh, her husband doesn't have any guns.


Husband can buy/borrow firearm, or use any number of instruments for violent purposes? People managed to kill eachother quite well before firearms were invented.

Anyway, she sounds ret*d.



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28 Jul 2012, 11:40 pm

The relationship with her husband is pretty dysfunctional since they have both cheated on each other & she's ready to leave him for someone else; it may be best for them to get divorced. If she wants to leave her husband for the guy she's having an affair with; it's her choice & she can deal wit h any negative consequences. however since the guy is literally crazy; she should let her husband have full custody of the kids.


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29 Jul 2012, 3:58 am

Well, I would advise your friend to think about the affair with the crazy guy and ask herself if there's anything there besides the amazing sex. Amazing sex is great, but it doesn't always stay amazing forever, and once it's gone, you need to have something there to keep a relationship together. She should make sure that that something is there before even thinking of moving in with him.
As for how to tell him it's too soon, I don't see what's wrong with just saying "It's too soon".


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