Page 1 of 2 [ 17 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Teredia
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Sep 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 631
Location: Australia

14 Jul 2012, 3:19 am

The other day when I was out with my friend, we were walking in the shopping centre, and this pamflets guy was handing out pamflets. He was really cute, I didnt quite hear what he was trying to sell. I walked about 5 steps passed him and was out of ear shot, I said to my friend, "Yeah, I'll be interested, if you take me out to dinner." She was really surprised that I had even thought of saying something like that, But i really believe I would do it. and would do it if i had the chance.

Everyone who knows me, says I'd really be putting myself out there and that it is not like me to do something like that. Its just i am finding i really am wanting to start dating, and guys for some reason never approach me, even if they like me. They find me too intimidating, which i find odd cause i am usually so shy, quiet and reluctant to make eye contact to people I dont know very well. Like i make eye contact with my best friends, because i feel comfortable doing so, and they understand that if i dont and why i dont if i dont want to. Though getting new people to understand this is pretty hard. I am always having to teach new people, why I do the things I do, and act the way I do. So for some reason, this tends to intimidate them.

Anyways, my real consern is... is putting myself out there like that a good or a bad thing. My mum seems to think it's a good thing, that one must take those kinds of risks in life. Though cause of how my friends seem to react i am not so sure. One is NT and the other has SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder).

I think while i can put mysefl out there and ask a guy out, that id chicken out later and make some kind or excuse up to not go on the date. hmm I dont know really. I want to date, but i dont really like dating. Though i can quite happily go out and have lunch with my friends (guys and girls). -shrugs-

edit: a lill feed back... am i on track? is this the right thing to do? should i totally just forget it? oh come on.....>.<



Last edited by Teredia on 14 Jul 2012, 7:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

redrobin62
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Apr 2012
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,009
Location: Seattle, WA

14 Jul 2012, 3:46 am

Thanks for sharing.



Teredia
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Sep 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 631
Location: Australia

14 Jul 2012, 7:23 am

redrobin62 wrote:
Thanks for sharing.


Ya know feed back would help... a lot... some feed back would be nice... please... ??



noname_ever
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Dec 2011
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 500
Location: Indiana

14 Jul 2012, 8:00 am

Teredia wrote:
I think while i can put mysefl out there and ask a guy out, that id chicken out later and make some kind or excuse up to not go on the date. hmm I dont know really. I want to date, but i dont really like dating. Though i can quite happily go out and have lunch with my friends (guys and girls). -shrugs-

edit: a lill feed back... am i on track? is this the right thing to do? should i totally just forget it? oh come on.....>.<


Yes, it is a good thing. However, it's pointless unless you follow through and actually go out with whomever you ask. I can understand not liking dating as well, but it's a stage that needs to be transitioned through to form a relationship.



JanuaryMan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jan 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,359

14 Jul 2012, 8:26 am

Yep it's not bad that you put yourself out if it is done with tact and dignity. The way you handled it was fine, but you have to remember to follow through with your actions else you are giving them the wrong impression or are going to frustrate them.



Teredia
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Sep 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 631
Location: Australia

14 Jul 2012, 8:51 am

JanuaryMan wrote:
Yep it's not bad that you put yourself out if it is done with tact and dignity. The way you handled it was fine, but you have to remember to follow through with your actions else you are giving them the wrong impression or are going to frustrate them.

Yeah, I know you're right. I really need to work on that.



thewhitrbbit
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 May 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,124

14 Jul 2012, 9:23 am

Damn the guns, full speed ahead.



Teredia
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Sep 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 631
Location: Australia

15 Jul 2012, 3:00 am

thewhitrbbit wrote:
Damn the guns, full speed ahead.

Thank you!!



_DyL_
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jun 2012
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 68

15 Jul 2012, 3:11 am

Going to the movies or other similar activities is a better start then rushing into actual dinner dates.
Just a bit of feedback.. :D



Teredia
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Sep 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 631
Location: Australia

15 Jul 2012, 3:15 am

_DyL_ wrote:
Going to the movies or other similar activities is a better start then rushing into actual dinner dates.
Just a bit of feedback.. :D


Yeah i suppose you're right. =) That is a easier solution, just hope its not too crowded haha lol. but a good solution to an easier setting for a date. I never thought of that.



Gnonymouse
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 26 Aug 2011
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 145

15 Jul 2012, 11:02 am

Asking a stranger out directly, sets you up for a harsh yes/no, which is why most people avoid it. It can be damaging to the ego.

Plus, it gives the other person about 3 seconds to decide if you are joking, psycho, or being honest. They will just have to evaluate you based on physical attractiveness, thinking "Is this person hot enough to go on a date with, considering that she may be a psychopath for all I know?" Again, this can set you up for a harsh rejection or a one-night stand. This is why your friends were surprised at how risky it would be. Also, maybe you don't talk about boys with them, so they didn't realize you were interested.

You seem to like anime and video games which works to your advantage because many guys will share those interests. If you can befriend guys in an anime convention/club and/or play video games with them you can increase your chances of finding a boyfriend who shares interests with you. That is where I would start, rather than asking out random guys who you find cute, but may or may not be boyfriend material.



aspiemike
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,287
Location: Canada

15 Jul 2012, 11:28 am

Aside from making an effort yourself like you seem to be indicating that you want to do, there is one thing that really sticks out to me in what you said:

Teredia wrote:

Everyone who knows me, says I'd really be putting myself out there and that it is not like me to do something like that. Its just i am finding i really am wanting to start dating, and guys for some reason never approach me, even if they like me. They find me too intimidating, which i find odd cause i am usually so shy, quiet and reluctant to make eye contact to people I dont know very well. Like i make eye contact with my best friends, because i feel comfortable doing so, and they understand that if i dont and why i dont if i dont want to. Though getting new people to understand this is pretty hard. I am always having to teach new people, why I do the things I do, and act the way I do. So for some reason, this tends to intimidate them.



Although shy, and quiet means one thing, body language and your eyes may tell a different story. Your friends have the best opinions of you, and maybe you could ask them what really makes you look intimidating. If you are anything like me, my body language and eye contact intimidated other people more than anything else.
I also agree with Gnonymouse about finding people who share common interests with you.



DarthRic
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 29 Sep 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 37

15 Jul 2012, 6:06 pm

Deleted



Last edited by DarthRic on 17 Jul 2012, 12:12 am, edited 2 times in total.

aspiemike
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,287
Location: Canada

15 Jul 2012, 6:28 pm

DarthRic wrote:
I'll be interested in replying, after dinner and a movie :)


Smooth. This calls for an MGD. Now only if there was a smiley of a smiley face receiving a beer.



DarthRic
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 29 Sep 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 37

15 Jul 2012, 10:35 pm

Deleted



Last edited by DarthRic on 17 Jul 2012, 12:12 am, edited 1 time in total.

edgewaters
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Aug 2006
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,427
Location: Ontario

15 Jul 2012, 11:08 pm

Teredia wrote:
I walked about 5 steps passed him and was out of ear shot, I said to my friend, "Yeah, I'll be interested, if you take me out to dinner." She was really surprised that I had even thought of saying something like that, But i really believe I would do it. and would do it if i had the chance.

Everyone who knows me, says I'd really be putting myself out there and that it is not like me to do something like that. ... Anyways, my real consern is... is putting myself out there like that a good or a bad thing. My mum seems to think it's a good thing, that one must take those kinds of risks in life. Though cause of how my friends seem to react i am not so sure. One is NT and the other has SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder).


If you're not hurting anybody and you want to do it and you can do it, then do it. You don't need anyone's permission or blessing.

As far as following through and all that, cross that bridge when you come to it. I've found sometimes that just being straight with people works wonders sometimes too. Ie if you feel like chickening out, just say the date is making you anxious and you don't know if you can follow through. Gives the other person the option to suggest something less intimidating or say something that might make you feel less anxious, and who knows, they might feel the same way. In fact this is quite likely.

If you get turned down well hey - now you're off the hook!