Aspie/NT lover relationships- contact between visits.

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LoveHim
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Joined: 27 Aug 2010
Age: 62
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24 Jul 2012, 11:28 am

It drives me crazy that my guy will sleep over on Friday night and leave Saturday and I won't hear from him until the following Wednesday or Thursday. Most NT/NT lovers I know talk every day, even for a few minutes. My Aspie really apathetic about answering texts, emails, phone calls so I've stopped initiating. It's just too disappointing to not receive a reply.

so for Aspies in relationships with NTs:
How often do you contact your lover between visits? If it's infrequent, what stops you from contacting them more frequently? Thanks.



JanuaryMan
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24 Jul 2012, 11:31 am

I contact once or twice every 1-2 days. Just enough to let them know I really do care, and not to have either of us get tired of each other's company.
If someone contacts me a lot, no matter how much I like them I will see it as fruitless and insecurity and it will bug me.
Phonecalls and texts are reserved for important use only such as arranging meet ups, checking someone is ok, to let somebody know something (like "I love you" :) ).



LadybugS
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24 Jul 2012, 12:07 pm

Maybe my boyfriend can chime in here later but I'm the NT, and I try to give him space. In the very beginning, I felt very much like you do! I oftentimes felt rejected and confused because he could go days without talking to me, even though I couldn't go that long without talking to him, and he didn't start calling me until we were already 2 months into our relationship. I felt like I almost always initiated the communication back then, and now I wish I had just been a little more patient.

Now I know that he just had to get used to being in a relationship with someone, and he needs time to himself. It doesn't bother me at all and I want him to have that time alone. We have worked that out and nowadays I'm not sitting around waiting for him to text me. For instance, today we haven't talked directly in any way, but he did like a post I made on Facebook and it made me smile. I'm content with that, and I know I'll see him and talk to him soon - I'm fine on my own until then. A couple of months ago, I would've been wondering, "Ok, so he liked my post but he didn't send me a message or even just say hi? Does he not want to talk to me? Why?" I'm glad I'm over that! :lol: He's never said anything about it (because he's super sweet!) but I'm sure that was very annoying to him. It also made me appear quite needy, which is never good.

Your boyfriend is probably still thinking of you, even if he hasn't talked to you today and even if he doesn't call/text/email/whatever. He might feel overwhelmed with daily interaction, that's all. Please don't think of it as rejection or read too much into it.


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