Dating someone with Aspergers?

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Hi, I'm new to this site as I am trying to gain a better understanding of aspergers as I have recently started dating someone who has aspergers. I have done some research on the internet but still find myself with questions, hopefully you'll be able to offer advice and share your experiences with me to help me improve my understanding.
So well I find myself liking this guy a fair bit (I'm gonna call him 'Roger' for the purpose of this thread)
As I have said I have done some research and looked at lists of characteristics and not quite sure what to make of these and how they relate to Roger. I've noticed that he can come across a bit kind of childlike, the best I can describe it is like a nervous child, is this a typical thing for someone with aspergers?
Also I have a slight concern with people being judgemental and accepting him, we're only in the early stages of dating but already I feel nervous of what people will think of me dating him. I personally don't have a problem with him having aspergers but people can be very harsh and like I say judgemental. How to NTs deal with that kind of judgement if you get it? And how does the person who has aspergers cope with it?
Please excuse me for the long post and I apologise if I haven't quite said it in a good way. I hope you will be able to offer your support and advice
Thank You
LoLa

To me "Roger" has Asperger's... is he diagnosed?
Getting people to not pass judgement or accepting him as he is... won't really happen with every individual that you know.
How best can I explain this... you have to cope with that yourself like the parents out there have to with children with Downs Syndrome or Treacher Collins Syndrome. (Apologies for any spelling errors in either disability/disorder.)
You ultimately have to shut that thought of judgement out.
Welcome to WP!

yes as a person with AS yes I can be very childlike and shy and timid but have times where I am very withdrawn into myself-it is a different way we interact with the world around us-we have a different way that we percieve the world.

You've come to the right place. I am a male who has asperger's, but not dating at the moment. If you wish to know about my situation, pm me and I'll share with you what I'm going through. friend me on facebook, and I'll tell you more.


http://www.facebook.com/SgtCPoole

While the nervous child thing could be attributed to Asperger's, there more to it than that. What else is he doing that makes you think that he has it without a doubt??

Hey thanks for the quick responses
I believe that 'Roger' has been diagnosed and I'm glad that he was very open with me when I ask him to explain a little more to me.
The only reason why I mentioned the childlikeness was because during my researching on the internet under the characteristics lists I came across none of them seemed to mention this trait, hence why I came here to get it straight from the people who would know most.
I have suffered with agoraphobia since I was 14 (am mostly over that now though) and when 'Roger' described his aspergers it was interesting how closely I could relate.
With regards to the judgement thing, I know it is an unfortunate natural part of human nature for us to be a little judgemental and I can brush off people judging me for my weird ways, I'm just uncertain as to how I would cope with people judging me for dating someone with aspergers. But I don't wanna give up on 'Roger' because of what people might say or think, at the end of the day it's my life my choice

Hi Lola. Welcome to WP. I am a very blessed person. Since very young I learned to give a cr@p about what other people might think. You cannot live your life feaing about what other people might think. The only thing that matter is what you think. I am NT married to an Aspie, and I never cared about what others think about him. Not even my own family liked him, and I never cared. And I know sometimes people think bad about him, because the way he behaves when he is around new people, but once they get to know him better they can see the wonderful person he is. So, if you are strong enough not to care about what other people might think, you will be fine.

NT girl here, dating a (HIGHLY obvious but undiagnosed) Aspie male for one year.

I get the judgements, too. My guy is shy and timid around me, but sometimes he gets nervous among my friends and says the most jaw-dropping inappropriate things. I was as mortified as my friends at first, until Aspergers came into the picture and everything 'clicked'. Here are two things that have worked for me so far:

1. Tell your friends about his syndrome. He doesn't have to know that they know (and I don't know if that's an aspie partner no-no or not) but it has relieved so much tension from certain social situations. Most of my friends "get" it; they know that my boyfriend is a kind, fun person and they know how happy he makes me. They understand that he just says uncomfortable things sometimes because he's uncomfortable, and knowing that has made it easier for them to just brush it off gracefully and keep including him. My friends are wonderful. A few of them have issues with him, but they're the ones who haven't actually met him. They just hear my venting and think he's a jerk to me. That can get TOUGH. Explaining that you're frustrated but that it's not his fault and that you're okay with it. You start to feel like certain people think he's an ass and you're pathetic for staying with him, but you just have to educate these people, and highlight the good to them as well.

2. Tell him in private that something he said or did in front of your friends bothered you. Be polite about it, but blunt. That's dating an aspie for you---you have to clearly verbalize the problem or they'll never get it. Sometimes, having a code-word for when something is just "too much" works too.

Hope that helps, and I hope it works out for you two!

NT girl dating and engaged to an Aspie male. I really like Peahen's advise! I found out in the early stages of the relationship that he has AS and I had to think if I wanted to continue with the relationship or not. It was a brief debate with myself as I really liked him so much. He was perfect for me. NT guys couldn't handle me well and my Aspie has no problem. We compliment each other.

As far as judgements: Who cares! Yes, easier said than done in a way but I look at it this way: He makes me happy and he loves me. He is kind and caring and he is MY choice and they aren't the ones dating him or marrying him. Let them find their own man and not worry about who I am dating. Yes, he is different and that is what makes him special and perfect for me. Again, I think Peahen stated things perfectly; I am far too calloused towards people. lol

If you like him and YOU are happy then that is all that matters. I have learned so much from this site and the people here are mostly very friendly and so willing to help!

Do your judgmental friends say to you "I don't like him" or "he is too weird, we should set you up with someone else." or maybe even "get away from him."? I would not necessarily say that is judgmental, but peer pressure and bullying comes to mind too if that is happening. I have had many dates stop seeing me out of the blue all of a sudden (these dates also knew I had Asperger's, but neglected to tell their friends, and didn't understand what Asperger's was either) because their friends could not accept me for who I am. I am sure there was something in there that I could have done better myself in each scenario as well.
There was one person who came back into my life later and I said to her "Didn't your friends dislike me? Why are you so interested in me again?" She did in fact admit that her friends did not like me much. I knew right then that had played a role in our "break up" if you want to call it that. The second attempt did not work out either. We didn't even get to the dating stage this time either.

Thanks everyone for all your replies and advice, it really has helped me alot and eased my worries. I am looking forwad to how things progress with me and 'Roger'

I've been told if you don't have anything nice to say . it's best to keep ones mouth shut.

I think it is a 'no no' to disclose your partners syndrome if they don't want you to. My guy has told no one but me about his AS and has sworn me to secrecy. Everyone else may have an opinion about him but that's for them to work through! I'm not tellin'!