Afraid of marriage, but not commitment?

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I'd put this in the women's only section, but then remembered about this section, so if you want to delete the other one that's fine, but I wouldn't mind having it in both places.


Does anyone else struggle with this? I don't know why, but I'm terrified of the thought of marriage even though I'm ok with the thought of spending the rest of my life with one person. I don't understand it, and it's causing a lot of issues... I was hoping I'd find someone else like this.

Well, 2 things come to mind:

1) The wedding. I don't know about you but there's a REASON why I eloped.
2) There's a lot of legal complications if/when a marriage doesn't work out. Expensive too.

I didn't have any problem with commitment or a nominal marriage. We were going to exchange rings, change our facebook status, and tell everyone we were married, but weren't going to legally get married due to the fact it would have screwed up both our financial aids for school.

Marriage is not compulsory, and not what everyone wants.
Perhaps its the wedding ceremony itself rather than marriage that concerns you?
Unless you have particular religious beliefs, why bother? You can still spend your life with your loved one.

If you feel for whatever reason you must be legally wed, do it in a way that suits your wishes.
On a beach / in a forest / wearing pyjamas/ five guests or five hundred.

Its supposed to make you happy. If it doesn't, don't do it.

I will probably never remarry due to the fact that I do not want to live with someone,,,, i would LOVE a committed long term relationship,, but marriage implies,,legal ties,, and living together,,a boyfriend for life,, but not a husband,,

When women hold off from marrying men, it is called "Independence".

When men hold off from marrying women, it is called "Fear of Commitment”.

Fnord, it depends from whose perspective.

I always heard the opposite?

I get told I fear "commitment" all the time. That's mainly because I don't adhere to stereotypical views. I also have a lot of problems living 24/7 with anyone, whether they are a love interest, or not.

That's my whole point. Thank you for seeing it.

What if it's a woman holding off from marrying a woman? (or two men.. That's just not the case here) I agree that it's all actually perspective. Genders shouldn't play a role in what it's called- it's like Men are players when they sleep around a lot, but Women are sl*ts. Men are just sl*ts too, they don't want to admit it .

Thanks for your replies, everyone. It's complicated- It's not that it doesn't make me happy, but since it scares me, I can't really say it makes me happy (does that make sense?) I want to figure out exactly why I have such a fear of it, though, because I can't think of a logical reason that I would be. I'll take all of the above into account- The legal bits, the cost of marriage and (I hope I'll never need to if I get married) divorce, the cost of a full ceremony, the crowd of a full ceremony (I'll probably push for a civil marriage where there's us, the person marrying us, and 2 witnesses.)

I don't like being with people 24/7 either, and I hate the thought of a room mate, but I'm living with my family right now because I'm too sick to work and had to move from my apartment since I couldn't pay rent- I know even on long term disability that I probably won't be able to afford living on my own, and my girlfriend and I were planning on living together as friends forever anyway... We just decided we like each other more than friends Hopefully I'll figure out the issues I have with marriage, but if not, there are ways around it like common law and so on.

EDIT:

I want to mention that it's not causing problems like I'm feeling forced into marriage, it's just that when we've discussed it, I know she actually wants to be married- Ring, papers, the whole 9 yards one day and I never have. It makes her sad, but she's not going to leave me for it... And I want to see her happy, especially because she'd be willing on giving that hope up for me, I just want to be able to not be afraid of it when it happens.

I feel like having a wedding would be horribly anxiety-inducing for me, and I think the concept is kind of stupid(I love you so much I want to involve the government in a legal fight and maybe take some of your stuff if we ever break up, basically).

You don't need the marriage license to potentially talk half of their stuff, common law partners can do the same apparently. Maybe it's just the fact that it's not something I see as committing anymore than just being with the person would show. That's a good point.