I can't stand being asked out, is it normal?

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I've been told my attitudes towards dating are really unusual, so I'm wondering if anyone else has similar feelings. I get asked out somewhat regularly, and it causes me massive amounts of anxiety/repulsion/general misery. I don't have high standards per se, but fairly specific expectations. I'm a female in high tech and I really like guys who I can talk to about programming and hacking and whatever else, which is really fairly broad.

I also don't feel comfortable with strangers, and I only really feel ok pursuing romantic relationships with people I already know, but the men who ask me out more or less always just barely know me. I hate going on traditional dinner dates, I'd rather do something where I'm in a comfortable, familiar situation like doing some kind of computer stuff, so the idea of going on a date horrifies me. Creating an awkward social situation by turning someone down horrifies me. The thought that these men look at me and decide they want to ask me out based entirely off of my appearance is disgusting. I could go on and on really.

I don't feel like I'm being arrogant and lofty in my expectations, rather than that I'm just really timid, and I need to be approached like I'm some dumb panicky wildlife so that I don't flip out and sever myself from an entire social circle just to avoid one person who asked me out this one time.

It's a massive source of frustration because I'm not nearly as timid or frigid in a sexual sense, only in terms of emotional connections. I have a really hard time gauging how normal this is though, and whether it's just me personally or if it's common for people like us. I actually feel fairly comfortable pursuing someone I'm interested in, because I can hunt at my own pace. Actually forming emotional connections at that point is a completely different topic, which boils mostly down to that I just can't do it. But, whatever. I just want to know how many other people can't handle the asking out/first date sort of end of it.

Consider yourself lucky. A lot of us on the spectum get outright ignored. We're the abandoned puppies in the shelter that potential adoptive families ignore. We're the kids in the gym who get ignored when it comes to being picked for a team. We're the diners in a restaurant who sit there forever while others get served. We're the ones who gèt splashed on by passing cars in the rain. Consider yourself lucky.

It's not lucky - being caused unmanageable anxiety by the way NTs seem to approach people for dating is just as useless as never being asked out at all. I've tried to overcome it before, but at that point, it seems like I've just let people down by my emotional unavailability. I find connecting with people who aren't really similar to myself extremely difficult because I have a hard time understanding them. I'm really interested in if other people have managed this problem and how, rather than whether the grass is greener on my end.

It's called being a woman. That means you'll probably be asked out a few times during your life unless you're absolutely hideous.
Remember, kids: it's awesome when he's attractive, and it's creepy and disturbing when he's not.

This is one of the better ones I've seen.
It's amazing that we're still being relatively civil.

It shouldn't be. Maybe if we pretend that the genders in my original post are all reversed, my question won't elicit any vitriol.

ugh responses in this thread are why imagining yourself in other people's shoes doesn't work
you have to imagine them in their shoes

I don't think it's weird to feel anxious and dislike it when strangers ask you for things (which is essentially what hitting on it, asking for someones time and attention). And it does put you in a difficult position. You now have to extricate yourself from this awkward socially complicated situation because someone who has been socialized to think of you as prey.
It bugs me that any time I'm in public I'm fair game for sexual attention, and have been since I was 11.
Appearance isn't an invitation.
When a guy who knows you wants to get to know you better/romantically, it can be nice.
When a stranger looks at you and decides he'd like a chance to convince you to let him have an orgasm inside you, not nice.

Every user guide to this section of the forum could be summarized as 'do not enter'.
It's a war zone because of bitter guys arguing with succesful girls and the occasional troll to fuel the flame pit.

I was incredibly anxious the last time I was asked out, and imagine I would be if it were to happen again. Years of social failure and not having the slightest ****ing clue how to interact with girls-in a romantic way-have left me terrified of advances by the opposite sex.