I suck at life and with women

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simplisticseth
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30 Jul 2012, 6:21 pm

I'm a loser with Asperger's Syndrome and have gotten rejected so many times. Don't worry, I'm not a virgin and have been on dates before, it's just that I'm terrible at social situations.

I swear that if I was dead right now, so many people would be happy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal, that's just the straight up truth. Coping with depression and trying to figure out why I exist in this sadistic world isn't easy. Whenever I like a girl, she just DOESN'T like me back and it isn't that I don't have the courage, it's just that I don't know how to say the right things. A lot of women look at me as if there is something wrong with me,but I can't help who I am. I know that I will always be socially awkward and have difficulty fitting into crowds, that's why I hate when my friends call me a "stud" or a "chick magnet".

Things aren't good and I've never really had a girlfriend, I am too worthless for a woman to accept me for who I am. Girls see me as nothing more than a friend (if that) and most of them pretend like I don't live on the same planet as them.

Some days, I wish I was never alive cause I can't do simple things like keep a conversation going or even start one, for that manner. What do you guys think? I need your thoughts on this issue :?



Palakol
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30 Jul 2012, 6:51 pm

How old are you?



minotaurheadcheese
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30 Jul 2012, 6:52 pm

Hey, try not to feel so bad. There are a lot of us out there who will likewise always be socially awkward. It doesn't mean you're worthless, or that people would rather you weren't alive.

Why do your friends call you "stud" or "chick magnet"? Are they being sarcastic, or do they really think that women find you attractive despite your awkwardness? At least you have friends, that's good. Presumably they wouldn't be your friends if you were genuinely worthless and a loser, so maybe other people don't see you as negatively as you see yourself :)

Also, if you've been on dates and are not a virgin, that proves that not everyone is immediately rejecting you. Perhaps you just haven't found the right person/people yet. Honestly, a lot of people are shallow and self-centered, and aren't willing to accept people whom they see as different or challenging. But there are others out there who will see difference and awkwardness as interesting, and make the effort to get to know your good qualities.

I've spent many long periods feeling exactly the way you describe. In fact, "loser" is a term I've fallen back on repeatedly. However, I've continued to find that every once in a while there is a really great person out there who proves the cynicism wrong. And since that occurrence is rarer for those like us who lack social gifts, it is all the happier when it does happen. Just give it time, and don't write yourself off as unlikable.

Basic conversational skills can be learned by rote, despite lack of intuition, if you choose to do so. That doesn't mean you'll ever be able to respond and interact as an "average" person would, but it can help. It's not a necessity though. Other people's judgment on you, and especially the judgment of girls, doesn't define your worth. There are other ways to find happiness in the world. Society pushes us to believe that we need a relationship to be fulfilled and valuable, but it's just not true. Some of the happiest people I've known have lived into middle age and beyond without ever having a lasting relationship, because they found other things they wanted and pursued those things.


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MeloJag
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30 Jul 2012, 6:55 pm

You are not a virgin and have had dates before. You have done it before so that means you can do it again.

I hear you on the whole friend zone thing. Thats all I ever seem to get too. I love the bs line, something to the extent..."I dont like you in that way but you are a great guy and any girl would be lucky to have you." Uhhhh, so you are not a girl? Wow, thats news to me LOL.



MeloJag
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30 Jul 2012, 6:58 pm

very nicely said minotaurheadcheese



Wolfheart
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31 Jul 2012, 2:03 am

You have been on dates and that's an indicator that someone has found you attractive enough to date you. I think that you would benefit from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and perhaps looking at your mindset to see that most negativity is caused by you, you are responsible for your thoughts and they are clearly leading you to a negative place.

There's no point in being in a relationship if you can't accept or love yourself, self acceptance and developing a healthy outlook is the first step to focus on before worrying about societal pressures and exaggerated expectation that you have placed on yourself.



MXH
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31 Jul 2012, 2:13 am

i was going to say welcome to the club, but as been said youve done more than a lot here have.



JanuaryMan
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31 Jul 2012, 5:09 am

You're not a virgin and you've gone on dates. That's more than a lot of folks in L&D :)
You're obviously not in a good place right now but hey, look on the bright side, you are appealing to some girls!
You can always work on keeping their attention and interest later, for now just work on your strengths which is attraction until you build more confidence. Don't worry about mistakes, they are going to happen anyway. All the best!



postoffice
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31 Jul 2012, 6:47 am

Know how you feel I have never felt I fit on this price of dirt.
When I have told so called friends .
I have asperger don't think they understand and move on never to talk again unless they have to married 3times just don't fit



aspiemike
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31 Jul 2012, 4:18 pm

Been on dates: Same here bud. Not a virgin: also true. Not able to develop anything over the long term.: Ditto. Feeling that no woman will ever truly like me for who I am no matter what my train of thought might be: of course I feel that way and have enough experience to make me believe that too. I have found the best thing to do about it is to simply show people that you just don't care about that kind of stuff and have fun. Just talk to people, and have a genuine smile on your face. This has worked in my favour plenty of times as it has kept me enjoying life when I have that frame of mind (no expectations). The only problem is if I start thinking that I might like somebody or do like somebody. That's where my brain goes back into Aspie land, rather than Lala land where I would like it to be sometimes.



simplisticseth
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31 Jul 2012, 4:45 pm

Palakol wrote:
How old are you?


I'm 19 years old.



PastFixations
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31 Jul 2012, 5:04 pm

Seth, you got your whole life ahead of you yet... don't think that way because like everyone is saying which even I agree with is that you've probably done what many here wished could have happened to them.
At 19, maybe you should consider what you find draws you to a certain girl and list those things down.


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sweetcakes
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31 Jul 2012, 9:03 pm

Maybe this is really obvious, but I think one option is to take up hobbies where you will meet people, hopefully girls. meetup.com is a greta option. I know a guy who started ballroom dancing and almost immediately met his girlfriend. The trick is to join groups chock full of women. like a knitting group maybe? I know, it might sound funny, but I would LOVE getting to know a guy who joined a knitting group...Robotics or electronics is cool, but there might not be many women there...what do you think?



DialAForAwesome
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01 Aug 2012, 8:15 am

sweetcakes wrote:
Maybe this is really obvious, but I think one option is to take up hobbies where you will meet people, hopefully girls. meetup.com is a greta option. I know a guy who started ballroom dancing and almost immediately met his girlfriend. The trick is to join groups chock full of women. like a knitting group maybe? I know, it might sound funny, but I would LOVE getting to know a guy who joined a knitting group...Robotics or electronics is cool, but there might not be many women there...what do you think?


It might work for him.

I tried several meetings, groups, clubs. Nothing. Not even a friend. :(


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