Will she change?

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Hello, I'm a new member here and a recently self-diagnosed aspie guy, so forgive me if my post is a little long. I just hope someone will understand.

I'm an uprising junior in college and so is a girl that I once knew and loved. We share the same major at school so we have always had classes together and we met during our first semester at school. We grew very close and at the end of that first semester we were about to start dating when suddenly should cut-off all contact from me for about three weeks. Eventually I got her to agree to sit and talk about what was going on and she broke down and cried as she told me she wasn't ready to date and she begged me to still be her friend. I reassured her it was perfectly okay that she wasn't ready but she went about six weeks before she started talking to me again and we quickly grew very close again. Then she went back home for the summer about 400 miles away from me and shut-off all her contact with me again. When school started back in the fall I tried to talk to her to figure what was going on with her and all I got was a mean facebook message (which I later found out was written by her NT friend that believed I was only interested in sex) telling me I was obsessive and crazy. Needless to say I was devastated that someone I really loved would inexplicably do this to me and I became extremely depressed and suicidal for a brief time when I was at my worst. We still see each other because of class and every once in a while she has texted me just to make sure I'm okay and she'll tell me she's there for me if I ever need to talk. I've tried talking to her and she ignores me but sometimes she'll sit in class and stare at me until I catch her and she'll quickly look away.

I've cut out a lot of the smaller details but that's basically the story of her and I in a nutshell. If it would help I could go into more detail but it would be a ridiculously long post. Anyway, I'll share a little bit about her and myself.

Having only recently learned that I am an aspie and learning about Asperger's has made me suspect that the girl is an undiagnosed aspie. She has special interests which is what her and I would talk endlessly about and she could not talk about emotions at all in person; she was a little better expressing herself in text message or in facebook messages. We were very close yet she would refuse to let me hug her or touch her if I asked as she said she did not like to hug. We discussed the possibility of kissing but she made it extremely clear that I was never to kiss her in front of anyone if I ever did try to kiss her. I never was able to verbally tell her I loved her but I was able to tell her in text messages and her response was always, "I don't know how to respond to that." I felt like I was a secret obsession for her; in front of her friends she would not speak to me and it appeared really painful for her to even look at me but when we were alone together she could talk excessively and look at me with ease. She would not meet my parents but she would ask me to tell them that she said hello to them. The only people in her family that know of my existence as far as I know for sure are her older sister and her mother. She had never had a boyfriend before she met me and she said she had never been told she was loved before I starting texting her to tell her I did. She told me she wants to get married and have kids someday. She also refused to ever let me take any pictures of her

As for me I had never had a girlfriend and had never really wanted to date anyone until I met her and really fell in love with her. I was 19 and she was 18 when we first met almost two years ago now. I am mostly a typical aspie. I only have two or three friends and that is because they share one of my special interests. I have not even come close to being the person I once was since she quit talking to me about 10 months ago. I just can't seem to move on, I've grown close to two NT girls since then but I just don't feel the same connection as I did with the girl I've been describing. She was the only person I truly felt completely comfortable and relaxed with. She accepted me for who I was and seemed to love me for who I was although she never could tell me how she felt.

I'm just wondering if it's possible maybe she will eventually come back to me if she figures out how to express her emotions and feelings? I'd give anything for her to come back and at least just be my friend again but I don't know if there's anything I can tell her or do to make it happen. I recently sent her a message on facebook telling her I was diagnosed with AS but she did not reply to it.

Again, I'm sorry for the long post and thank you to anyone who cares enough to read everything. Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Last edited by JMac26 on 31 Jul 2012, 11:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

She sounds as charming as a malfunctioning robot. If I were you, I'd just try to forget about her. Judging from that story, you have no chance of success whatsoever.

Thank you to everyone who has replied. I guess I need to just get over it and meet a woman who will treat me right.

Last edited by JMac26 on 31 Jul 2012, 11:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't know if things will ever improve or not, but it's been my experience that people very rarely change - especially if they don't feel the need to.

It doesn't sound like you are both feeling mutual and I do agree that it is better to move on in the case and find someone that is willing to be expressive about how they feel towards you.

I'm sure she was intelligent enough to know that the appropriate response, if it is true, is "I love you too". The response she gave you is the sort of thing I would have said to a guy when I was her age, if I did not feel the same.

Same here.

as a general rule
waiting for people to change isn't a great strategy

Do your thing, live your life, and if she at some point resolves her issues and runs into you again well that'll be extra.

For a minute I thought the OP (JMac26) was the famous autistic basketball player and coach.
Sorry about that.
Anyway it seems the best option is to move on with your life and let her move on with her life.
People very rarely change their opinions and judging from her behaviour which could be taken as shyness or not interested, her lack of communication tells what she wants.
She won't take you back, you'll have to find the next opportunity which will come if you focus yourself in the right frame of mind.