Lots of text incoming, tl;dr: it's a love soap. I just felt like typing this here, to get it off my chest.
About 6 months ago, I met an Iranian guy. The first few weeks everything went great, then as we talked about deeper things, communication became harder. I didn't understand a lot of what he said, his excessive use of metaphors makes it hard for me to understand. I explained to him that I might have Asperger's, and subsequently a few days later he said that we should stop dating. It lasted a month.
A month went by and we sometimes had contact. Then one night when going out, I ran into him, we talked a while, and just sat there next to each other. For whatever reason we started kissing and we continued dating. Communication was sometimes good, sometimes bad. He was very demanding about how conversations should go. If I said anything I felt I had to say but he didn't agree on it, he called it boring. I just stopped saying a whole lot. He also said that we should both sleep with other guys. I actually liked that freedom, knowing that my feelings were only for him. But I was also somewhat jealous too, not knowing who he slept with, since we agreed not to ever talk about that.
Just over 3 months later, I came in contact with a guy, and I visited him. We slept together, after which I left his place. I was disappointed by him somehow, and didn't really think of him after that. A few days later he poked me online and we chatted a little bit. In the days after that we chatted a few more times and we actually had a fun time talking. He said he'd love to see me again some time.
At the end of June, my Iranian date went away for a week. Usually I'd be doing something with him almost every Saturday, and this Saturday that he was gone, I didn't want to spend it alone. So I poked the guy I met, and we agreed to watch a movie. That night when I went home again, I realized there was something special about him.
We saw each other another time during that week, and by the time my date got back, I realized I was infatuated with the other guy. The feelings I experienced were stronger than the ones I initially felt for my date. I spent the subsequent weekend with both my date, and the other part of the weekend with the other guy. In the week that followed, I felt like I had to make a choice, otherwise I could lose both. But I had no idea how. So I thought a lot, and I figured that I'd be most happy with the new guy I met.
So I had a conversation with my Iranian date a few days later, saying we'd best stop doing what we were doing. He agreed and said I was doing the right thing, and that he was happy for me. So I continued dating the other guy, we spent a lot of time together and had a lot of fun. The Iranian guy again went away for a week, so I didn't talk to him at all during that time.
The dating went to well that the guy and me became boyfriends only a month after seeing each other for the first time, feeling as if we both knew each other for a longer time than that.
A few days later, the Iranian guy came back and sent me a mail, saying he felt horrible and sad, and asked me to come back to him. I told him this won't happen. He wanted to know all my reasons to stop dating him, I told them. One of the reasons was that I was jealous of him seeing other guys. He said he was shocked to know that I slept with other guys, and that he never when we were together slept with another guy. He once joked about that he said. Joke or not, to me it sounded pretty serious at the time, and I've told him so many times that I take everything very literally.
My boyfriend went away for the weekend, and the Iranian guy said he wished to see me once more to talk to me face to face. So I did, and during the conversation he repeated pretty much everything he said in his emails, and every time I tried to make the point that whatever we had is over. But he also kept telling me how happy he was with me, and how sad he is now. He kept looking at me with this expression on his face like he used to look at me when we were dating, looking completely in love. I felt as if he stopped doing everything he used to do, as if he was throwing away everything and was only thinking about how he could get me back. I had to cry, the conversation was a complete nightmare. I just couldn't help but feeling guilty, and sorry for him.
So apparently he will try to get me back for the next 6 months. I really have no idea what to tell him, I also don't want to ignore him. And I don't know if it's good to tell my boyfriend all this, I guess I could but I don't want him to think I still have feelings for the Iranian guy. I might have a few, but by far not as much as for him.
Sometimes I wish the whole love thing was more logical, perhaps measurable. And I would wish not to be so socially clumsy sometimes, I'm very bittersweet about what it caused. It can be very confusing ...
30 Jul 2012, 10:40 am
