I hate it when they follow me

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MynameisAnna
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05 Aug 2012, 2:42 pm

I hate it when boys follow me.
they ask me do I want to go out and I say yes because I do not know what else to say.
then they decide its okay to follow me around everywhere I go.
they do this at the day program I go to.
they stare at me and it really bothers me.
I told my staff and there is not much they can do about it.
I really do not want a boyfriend.
I would rather go to college.



redrobin62
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05 Aug 2012, 3:06 pm

When they ask you if you want to go out, just say no.



ronpl
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05 Aug 2012, 3:17 pm

I never heard of something like that
But why do you say you don't want to meet with guys?



LoveHim
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05 Aug 2012, 3:28 pm

be really direct and say "no i don't want to go out with you" or "please leave me alone" or "i'm not interested in dating right now." you have to be super clear. say what you mean and mean what you say.



atdevel
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05 Aug 2012, 4:57 pm

MynameisAnna wrote:
they ask me do I want to go out and I say yes because I do not know what else to say.


Well just say "no thanks" and don't accuse them of rape or anything. I've been accused of rape too many times.



DogsWithoutHorses
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05 Aug 2012, 6:53 pm

You can say no. Don't worry overmuch about being kind or gentle with them, just be polite and firm.
They might not accept your no, because our culture encourages people to see feminine 'no's" as "try harder".
Then you have to get bolder and worry even less about their feelings because by ignoring your no they've demonstrated they don't care about yours.

I have a hard time doing things sometimes that I know are going to be seen as abrasive or b*tchy but people who actually are creepy rely on our feeling that we have to be polite and nice all the time. Sometimes it's okay not to be nice. Sometimes it's okay not to bend over backwards for other people.
Also, having to reject someone is just a socially awkward mess, it took me a long time to develop a good script for it. Is that why you have a hard time?

And just *ugh* at them following you around and being stalky. Have the staff been able to talk to them about their behavior at least?
They're actively acting to make you uncomfortable and you shouldn't have to deal with that when you're at your program.

Do you think the staff could mediate a discussion between you and the people following you?

College is an awesome goal!


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05 Aug 2012, 10:15 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
You can say no. Don't worry overmuch about being kind or gentle with them, just be polite and firm.
They might not accept your no, because our culture encourages people to see feminine 'no's" as "try harder".
Then you have to get bolder and worry even less about their feelings because by ignoring your no they've demonstrated they don't care about yours.

I have a hard time doing things sometimes that I know are going to be seen as abrasive or b*tchy but people who actually are creepy rely on our feeling that we have to be polite and nice all the time. Sometimes it's okay not to be nice. Sometimes it's okay not to bend over backwards for other people.
Also, having to reject someone is just a socially awkward mess, it took me a long time to develop a good script for it. Is that why you have a hard time?

And just *ugh* at them following you around and being stalky. Have the staff been able to talk to them about their behavior at least?
They're actively acting to make you uncomfortable and you shouldn't have to deal with that when you're at your program.

Do you think the staff could mediate a discussion between you and the people following you?

College is an awesome goal!


This is great advice.


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thewhitrbbit
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05 Aug 2012, 10:31 pm

The problem is that when you say yes, they honestly believe you mean yes. Of course they would follow you because they think you are interested.

The best bet is to be honest. Say "No, I'm not interested in a boyfriend."

Most guys will move on and appreciate you being honest. In fact, honest rejection is refreshing, much better than being strung along.



DogsWithoutHorses
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06 Aug 2012, 12:20 am

thewhitrbbit wrote:
The problem is that when you say yes, they honestly believe you mean yes. Of course they would follow you because they think you are interested.

The best bet is to be honest. Say "No, I'm not interested in a boyfriend."

Most guys will move on and appreciate you being honest. In fact, honest rejection is refreshing, much better than being strung along.


Do you follow women you're seeing around? That's not really okay regardless of her level of interest.

Telling people no, especially if it's a request you're unfamiliar with or you think people will say mean things about you if you do, can be really difficult. She has a hard time stating an outright no, which isn't even an uncommon problem with NT girls because we're all socialized to be accommodating and pleasing at every turn, but throw in a social disability and you can see why this becomes difficult.
Help developing an appropriate script that she can be comfortable using in real life (won't get her called a b*tch while still being effective, harder than you'd think) needs to happen for her to be able to communicate that.

That said I get the impression these guys also have a social disability (is that what the program is for?) and it would probably benefit them if someone explained to them that following a girl around is not a good dating strategy.


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06 Aug 2012, 12:27 am

France is about the only place in the world where following a pretty girl is considered relatively normal... anywhere else, it's an indication of someone messed-in-the-head and it's creepy as heck!



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06 Aug 2012, 2:03 am

^^^
Not exactly only in France. It's very common in Latin America also.
Guys call out to you or follow you down the street for a way.


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08 Aug 2012, 9:13 pm

thewhitrbbit wrote:
The problem is that when you say yes, they honestly believe you mean yes. Of course they would follow you because they think you are interested.

The best bet is to be honest. Say "No, I'm not interested in a boyfriend."

Most guys will move on and appreciate you being honest. In fact, honest rejection is refreshing, much better than being strung along.

+1. They are interpreting the Yes as agreeing to a date & lots think that dating is the start of a relationship & it's NOT uncommon for boyfriends & girlfriends do things & go places together.
When someone ask you out; say something like your not interested in going out or that you don't want a relationship. Saying Yes because your afraid to tell them no is leading them on & that can be a lot more hurtful than being told No


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