How do I make this easier for my Aspie?

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I really hope I don't get rerouted to the parenting section. I find this to be more of a relationship question and those who post here better at advising in this situation. My boyfriend is Aspie and best we can tell our daughter is NT... I am also NT. She is a sweet little girl but she lives in an adult world for the most part. My mom keeps her 3 days a week, my son is 13 (adult to a 2 year old) she does go 2 days a week to a sitter with a 1 and 2 year old which has taught her some poor behavior due to the mother being understandably overloaded by two kids so young. It is not things like hitting or biting but more "everything revolves around me" stuff. when she gets everything her way it is all fine. There are just some things that have come up lately. She says "are you hungry" all the time because the 2 day sitter gives them (healthy) snacks and asks that every 15 seconds. She also wants her passi ALL THE TIME. Once she was verbal it has only been a in bed thing... but she got sick and was teething so she got it more as a comfort. In a NT relationship you ignore the meltdowns of the toddler for three or four days and "reprogram" the situation. But her meltdowns are nearly unbearable to my wonderful boyfriend. I have told him to let me know when he can't tolerate it anymore and I will give in to her. This issue goes beyond the things I have mentioned. She tries to destroy his computer, throws things on the floor and is just naughty to try to get attention. I know as a parent how to deal with her, but for his sanity I need to readjust so he doesn't melt down. Any Aspie advice would be great. How can I help him ignore her, or at least make her screaming less stressful for him. As an NT it wares on me too, but the only way to break it is to not give in.. at least as I see it now. HELPPPPP!! ! Please.

I'm going to go with the most simple but hopefully most helpful suggestion: Earplugs?

If it's mostly just sensory for him, then that should solve your problem, or at least half of it, right there. If it's her being demanding and emotional at him that is the problem, then that will probably be a lot harder to fix.

Unfortunately it is the latter. He had been through a lot and he can't deal with any one of us being truly upset. I am so torn between being hard core mom for a few days and regaining control of her. And upsetting him. It truly is more than he can deal with. He trusts me and my parenting. But it hurts him to hear her unhappy. I love that he is so in tune to her. I just don't know how to find a middle ground. Once she is in bed... I can take a hot bubble bath and be fine. He just doesn't recover as fast. He loves her and me. It is just more than he can function through

I don't know. It almost sounds like there needs to be some reprogramming all around...

Why is the sitter asking about snacks, healthy or otherwise, every 15 seconds? As shown by your daughter, a 2 year old probably doesn't know the exact answer to that question, and the sitter should be maintaining a better schedule. I say this as someone that was once a nanny to triplets, and has 15 nieces and nephews. There is also the issue that later in life, your daughter might end up turning to unhealthy food as a way to make herself feel better, because she's seeing it as a solution to all problems (even if it isn't).

I'm guessing the boyfriend lives in the same house, so his being absent isn't possible, unless perhaps he has a relative or friend who wouldn't mind his being on their couch a few days, just until your daughter can be retrained to live without the pacifier? Another option is putting something like alum on the pacifier, so when she does get it, she realizes it's not the soothing item she used to think it was. She might pitch a fit, then you pick her up, and put her in Time Out in another room.

And yes, as someone with sensory issues, the ear plugs might be good to have on hand all the time, even if your boyfriend doesn't use them in this instance. But as a father/father figure, he will eventually need to figure out a way to cope with the uproar. It can be difficult, but it's part of being a parent.

I completely agree about the snacks questions. She has a one and two year old of her own and I have not figured out how to explain to her not to offer food to our daughter so much. I can't tell her what to do with her kids and it is not like she can offer her children something and not offer it to our 2 year old. She is doing us a favor keeping her. I do pay her but not nearly as much as I would have to someoen else and I know she is safe and well interacted with.

There really isn't anyplace for him to go... and she is his daughter and I know he is trying really hard. We do have some ear plugs and maybe I will pull them out for him. I thought about having two passies and snipping off the end of one so it is "broken"