Need help overcoming approach anxiety / dealing w rejection

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overthinker9
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Joined: 11 Mar 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Male
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07 Jan 2013, 4:41 am

I'm a 25 year old male that's been in denial for awhile about realizing myself/learning about myself/feeling comfortable in my skin and my shyness and social anxiety connected to aspergers. I've always been introverted and fairly intelligent (salutatorian of my high school went to a good college), but my life has gotten off track the last year or two because of drinking too much and my lack of career focus (working on trying to find jobs I am comfortable with, finally realizing I work best by myself). My issue with alcohol is being drunk is the only time I can feign confidence and in college the number of drinks I had was positively correlated with girl success. I'm working hard on exercising more and not drinking by myself/weeknights.

I've had a fair amount of girlfriends in the past, and girls seem to be interested in talking to me, but I am shy to the point that I expect the interaction to end poorly or with the girl walking away. The gf's I've had have been through work or social circles, and I'm fine once I know they aren't mean/ ball busting types and I know I can open up to them (I'm super sensitive and have a pretty fragile ego). Stuck up girls / NT's eat me alive and laugh/bully me. I've focused way too much of my time in bars and clubs lately, where my lack of social skills are more evident, but I don't feel comfortable socializing without drinking. Ive come to the conclusion that I have to try bookstores/libraries/

My main problem in approaching girls during the day or at these places is that I'm too nervous to even approach and try, and rejection kills me and sends me spinning. I don't smile enough, and my nervousness is so evident that I get laughed at. My body language is bad I think, I'm 6'3'' and thin and tend to slump my shoulders.

Does anyone have any tips for starting conversations/ having enough confidence to ask for a girls' number or on dates without fearing rejection? Do I have to just man up and not care as much? I read on another thread to give notes to girls to get practice, I think I'll try that some. Realizing I have aspergers is a big step I think, because I think girls expect me to be confident because I am tall or look a certain way or something, and if I am more open early on I might have a better chance of starting positive relationships. Thanks for reading and for any opinions/advice.



Wolfheart
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Joined: 17 Feb 2011
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07 Jan 2013, 6:19 am

Hey man, sorry to say it but no one has given you advice because the majority don't really care unless it involves standing above someone and judging negatively but I am here :).

You need to start defining your own worth and working towards your own passions, find your worth in them and once you have done that, focus on feeling desirable about yourself. Join a gym, get in great shape, work on your fashion, work on your situation, that's all you can do. Remember it's a numbers game and a case of putting yourself out there, everyone faces rejection, plenty of successful people do, it's just a case of being overcome



zethra09
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Joined: 6 Jan 2013
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07 Jan 2013, 10:47 am

I'm 25 and I have the same troubles aside from drinking. I don't drink and have never been drunk because I don't like how alcohol tastes. I didn't do that well in high school because I have a certain learning style that isn't exactly smiled upon in such an environment. Though I did do well in college because I was allowed to learn the way I was comfortable with and in an environment I was comfortable with. I count myself blessed because my girlfriend is incredibly understanding about AS. Pretty much how we got started is I just asked questions. Never once did I flirt or hit on her or anything like that (mostly because I'm painfully horrible at it). Basically, I used my curiosity to win her over. Stop looking at the party girls. They always gave me a hard time. I've never dated an introvert before, but it has been the best thing ever! Try talking to the shy girl next time. You may be pleasantly surprised.