13 Mar 2015, 10:02 pm
So this is the ONLY place I can talk about this because this is something going on at work and everyone I know I pretty much work with so....yeah.
The girl I'm in love with is...my supervisor (33 yrs old, I'm 30). Though she wasn't to begin with, but now that she is it makes things pretty difficult. She came here from Bosnia 7 years ago and grew up in one of the hardest hit areas during the genocides of the early 90's. She has 3 kids between the ages of 6 and 15 and is now divorced from her husband, who apparently 3-4 years ago decided he wanted to go back to Bosnia....without her or the kids and also selling the family car and taking all their money with him leaving them with nothing.
So I asked her out January 1st and she said yes, but only to the condition that she didn't get the supervisor position, which she did. But I mean this whole time its like we're secret bf/gf but...not? Its very awkward. I really don't think she's playing me or anything....because I think she wants this just as much as I do but its more difficult for her as she has three kids to support whereas I have pretty much nothing to lose except my sanity.
I don't know whether I should keep going with this or what? I mean she has said and done many things that make me think that this girl is a keeper, but sometimes the paranoid person inside of me tells me to just drop the whole thing. Like one day she tells me that a guy (a CUTE guy from what she says) asked for her number but she turned him down, saying she was "taken". She calls me "habibi" all the time, which I think is Arabic for "my baby" or "my love". I bought her some expensive Versace perfume for her birthday and also bought her daughter some perfume by Tommy (since her birthday was the next day) and I told her to just give it to her but to say it was from her boys but she said no, she needed to know it was from me. One day after I helped her a lot at work she got about 3 inches from my face, looked me dead in the eye for several seconds, said thank you, then rested her forehead on mine. And the other day she said "maybe someday you will meet my children"......she's also talking a little more about her kids now that I've been asking a little about them (afraid to ask too much because I don't want to sound like a creeper or something). And trust me when I say shes not like American girls AT ALL. She's a strong, independant, dedicated mother in which I have the utmost respect and admiration for, not to mention I even look up to this girl for her courage and selfless acts of kindness.
Yet when I asked for her number she said yes....but I never ended up getting it (after reinterpreting the event later, her body language pretty much said "I'm uncomfortable with this"), although a couple days later she asked for mine (though has yet to use it). I've never been on an actual date with her, never been to her house, and never met her children.
So whats all your guys' take on this situation? I mean what I feel for this girl is almost supernatural.....NEVER felt anything like it before. I mean I thought I'd been "in love" before but I mean we haven't even kissed and I feel this strongly about her.....we share an extremely strong connection and I can't explain it and I'm pretty sure she feels the same way. The day she rested her forehead on mine I was in one of the most depressed states I'd ever been in....yet when she did that it literally disappeared instantly. NEVER had that happen before.....I've been happy ever since and that was two weeks ago.
Do you guys think that maybe she has abandonment issues from her previous marriage and is afraid of falling in love only for the man to walk out on her and her kids again? Is she more concerned about how I will fit in with her children and how they will react to a man with mommy again (after 4 years)? Or do you think it really is only because we work together? Because now Im starting to think the whole working together thing is just a cover for whats really going on with her. Lots of people date behind their bosses backs and never get caught. Hell, my last serious relationship I was in I was HER supervisor...and we lived together. But this girl actually makes me want to better myself as a man....shes tapped into something inside of me I've kept buried away for years.... I haven't been interested in or dated any women in 6 years, and believe me I've had several interested girls in the past that I turned down. But this one though......my god. Oh, and did I mention she's friggin incredibly gorgeous? A Slavic goddess with olive skin, piercing green eyes dark brown hair and a body like Kaley Cuoco's 
If time is what this girl needs then I'm willing to hang on forever if thats what it takes. Patience is one of my best qualities 
Everyday with her I feel like I'm getting closer to being excepted in to her family....but then like I said, sometimes I doubt myself and everything I believe. I swear every fiber in my body loves this girl and I don't want to give up.....but sometimes I don't know if I'm just chasing a pipe dream. HELP!! !! !
13 Mar 2015, 10:07 pm
I apologize for the long post...... That was "short" by my standards 
14 Mar 2015, 12:38 am
14 Mar 2015, 4:43 am
14 Mar 2015, 4:52 am
14 Mar 2015, 5:02 am
Congrats. You've discovered neurodiverse flirting.
14 Mar 2015, 7:43 am
The girl I'm in love with is...my supervisor (33 yrs old, I'm 30). Though she wasn't to begin with, but now that she is it makes things pretty difficult. She came here from Bosnia 7 years ago and grew up in one of the hardest hit areas during the genocides of the early 90's. She has 3 kids between the ages of 6 and 15 and is now divorced from her husband, who apparently 3-4 years ago decided he wanted to go back to Bosnia....without her or the kids and also selling the family car and taking all their money with him leaving them with nothing.
So I asked her out January 1st and she said yes, but only to the condition that she didn't get the supervisor position, which she did. But I mean this whole time its like we're secret bf/gf but...not? Its very awkward. I really don't think she's playing me or anything....because I think she wants this just as much as I do but its more difficult for her as she has three kids to support whereas I have pretty much nothing to lose except my sanity.
I don't know whether I should keep going with this or what? I mean she has said and done many things that make me think that this girl is a keeper, but sometimes the paranoid person inside of me tells me to just drop the whole thing. Like one day she tells me that a guy (a CUTE guy from what she says) asked for her number but she turned him down, saying she was "taken". She calls me "habibi" all the time, which I think is Arabic for "my baby" or "my love". I bought her some expensive Versace perfume for her birthday and also bought her daughter some perfume by Tommy (since her birthday was the next day) and I told her to just give it to her but to say it was from her boys but she said no, she needed to know it was from me. One day after I helped her a lot at work she got about 3 inches from my face, looked me dead in the eye for several seconds, said thank you, then rested her forehead on mine. And the other day she said "maybe someday you will meet my children"......she's also talking a little more about her kids now that I've been asking a little about them (afraid to ask too much because I don't want to sound like a creeper or something). And trust me when I say shes not like American girls AT ALL. She's a strong, independant, dedicated mother in which I have the utmost respect and admiration for, not to mention I even look up to this girl for her courage and selfless acts of kindness.
Yet when I asked for her number she said yes....but I never ended up getting it (after reinterpreting the event later, her body language pretty much said "I'm uncomfortable with this"), although a couple days later she asked for mine (though has yet to use it). I've never been on an actual date with her, never been to her house, and never met her children.
So whats all your guys' take on this situation? I mean what I feel for this girl is almost supernatural.....NEVER felt anything like it before. I mean I thought I'd been "in love" before but I mean we haven't even kissed and I feel this strongly about her.....we share an extremely strong connection and I can't explain it and I'm pretty sure she feels the same way. The day she rested her forehead on mine I was in one of the most depressed states I'd ever been in....yet when she did that it literally disappeared instantly. NEVER had that happen before.....I've been happy ever since and that was two weeks ago.
Do you guys think that maybe she has abandonment issues from her previous marriage and is afraid of falling in love only for the man to walk out on her and her kids again? Is she more concerned about how I will fit in with her children and how they will react to a man with mommy again (after 4 years)? Or do you think it really is only because we work together? Because now Im starting to think the whole working together thing is just a cover for whats really going on with her. Lots of people date behind their bosses backs and never get caught. Hell, my last serious relationship I was in I was HER supervisor...and we lived together. But this girl actually makes me want to better myself as a man....shes tapped into something inside of me I've kept buried away for years.... I haven't been interested in or dated any women in 6 years, and believe me I've had several interested girls in the past that I turned down. But this one though......my god. Oh, and did I mention she's friggin incredibly gorgeous? A Slavic goddess with olive skin, piercing green eyes dark brown hair and a body like Kaley Cuoco's
If time is what this girl needs then I'm willing to hang on forever if thats what it takes. Patience is one of my best qualities
Everyday with her I feel like I'm getting closer to being excepted in to her family....but then like I said, sometimes I doubt myself and everything I believe. I swear every fiber in my body loves this girl and I don't want to give up.....but sometimes I don't know if I'm just chasing a pipe dream. HELP!! ! ! ! I think you are overthinking this and she's CLEARLY not interested.
She won't give you her phone number. People do things they WANT to do.
She doesn't want you to be able to cobract her outside of work!!
14 Mar 2015, 9:11 am
14 Mar 2015, 9:41 am
14 Mar 2015, 9:58 am
14 Mar 2015, 11:07 am
She DID date a guy at work for three months (3 months before becoming my supervisor and thus preventing her from dating any one she works with) and it ended horribly and the guy wouldn't stop texting her when he was drunk and crying to her about things, then telling her what a horrible woman she was so.....?
Coming from a really traumatic past relationship myself, in a way I can understand her reluctance.
We do communicate via PM on facebook occasionally if that means anything *shrugs* Very seldom though.
I don't know what to think about that other guy. Maybe she had a long term interest in you, but since things didn't advance, she dated another guy, but then changed her mind? Hard to say. I would probably look-out for a possible repeat, but then I probably wouldn't be able to resist hoping it would all be fine after all.
I really think more people should post stories like this. I'm really tired of all the traditional dating discussions on here, and how mass-dating is a successful strategy. For me it is kind of suicidal rather than successful.
Mass dating? I think I did something like that back in my early 20's but ultimately left me feeling worse about having Aspergers' since I pretty much missed 100% of the body language signals indicating sexual interest until LONG after the interaction had taken place.
One time I was at a girls dorm and we were watching a movie and she ends up in her panties and a white tank top, gets in bed, and asks if I would like to watch the movie with her in bed. My reply? "Ah nah thats ok, I'm comfortable here on the floor
Another girl I went to her home and somehow she ended up saying how she never sleeps with clothes on. ALWAYS has to be naked. Later in the evening (I traveled 4 hours to get there and thus stayed the night) she says shes tired and asks if I want to sleep in the bed with her. My reply? "Nah thats ok, I'll just sleep on the couch with the dog if thats alright"
Yeah. I'm not very suave.
14 Mar 2015, 11:14 am
By the way, thanks Rdos for the encouraging words 
And for the record: I apologize for all this crap. Like I said, I literally have no where else to go with any of this and I've been carrying it all around with me for quite awhile so putting it all out there for the world to see (or the few dozen so people bored enough to read it). So if anyone gets sick of seeing this, STOP OPENING THE DAMN THREAD!! !
Anyways...
Earlier I posted on Facebook "Its amazing how one negative thought can destroy a thousand good ones in the blink of an eye. Bleh...time to write some music. Prost". Twenty minutes later the girl I fancy writes on her status update (In Bosnian no less) "Everyday is a new beginning, so let go of what might be and hold on to what could be"......?????
I think that one person might be right though: I could be over analyzing the situation. But still, it kind of made me feel more optimistic again, reading that..if only for awhile until my inner Eeyore wakes up again
I wonder if there is such a thing as stealth flirting.......if not I'm coining the phrase
14 Mar 2015, 11:59 am
Another girl I went to her home and somehow she ended up saying how she never sleeps with clothes on. ALWAYS has to be naked. Later in the evening (I traveled 4 hours to get there and thus stayed the night) she says shes tired and asks if I want to sleep in the bed with her. My reply? "Nah thats ok, I'll just sleep on the couch with the dog if thats alright"
These are really good one's. I've never experienced that, but once a girl that I knew had an interest in me at a work decided she would try to get a lift, so she stood at the parking-lot and acted like a lifter. I picked her up and asked her where she wanted to go, and then I just left her there. Analyzing things afterwards I of course realized that was not what she wanted, but like you, I just wasn't able to take advantage of the possibilities. In such situations I'm even more clueless than usual.
14 Mar 2015, 7:56 pm
Another girl I went to her home and somehow she ended up saying how she never sleeps with clothes on. ALWAYS has to be naked. Later in the evening (I traveled 4 hours to get there and thus stayed the night) she says shes tired and asks if I want to sleep in the bed with her. My reply? "Nah thats ok, I'll just sleep on the couch with the dog if thats alright"
These are really good one's. I've never experienced that, but once a girl that I knew had an interest in me at a work decided she would try to get a lift, so she stood at the parking-lot and acted like a lifter. I picked her up and asked her where she wanted to go, and then I just left her there. Analyzing things afterwards I of course realized that was not what she wanted, but like you, I just wasn't able to take advantage of the possibilities. In such situations I'm even more clueless than usual.
Oh yes. And as you're driving home thinking about quantum mechanics or dissecting your computer the realization hits and you slap your head and give out a loud "DOH!"
I did something similar though it was when I was younger and rode my bike everywhere. I walked a girl home after work (it was past midnight) and when we got to her place she asked if I wanted to come inside but I said "nah I gotta get going" because I had just bought the movie Red Dragon and was excited to see it......didn't occur to me what could have happened until almost towards the end of the movie several hours later lol
30 Mar 2015, 5:20 am
She DID date a guy at work for three months (3 months before becoming my supervisor and thus preventing her from dating any one she works with) and it ended horribly and the guy wouldn't stop texting her when he was drunk and crying to her about things, then telling her what a horrible woman she was so.....?
Coming from a really traumatic past relationship myself, in a way I can understand her reluctance.
We do communicate via PM on facebook occasionally if that means anything *shrugs* Very seldom though.
I don't know what to think about that other guy. Maybe she had a long term interest in you, but since things didn't advance, she dated another guy, but then changed her mind? Hard to say. I would probably look-out for a possible repeat, but then I probably wouldn't be able to resist hoping it would all be fine after all.
I really think more people should post stories like this. I'm really tired of all the traditional dating discussions on here, and how mass-dating is a successful strategy. For me it is kind of suicidal rather than successful.
Mass dating? I think I did something like that back in my early 20's but ultimately left me feeling worse about having Aspergers' since I pretty much missed 100% of the body language signals indicating sexual interest until LONG after the interaction had taken place.
One time I was at a girls dorm and we were watching a movie and she ends up in her panties and a white tank top, gets in bed, and asks if I would like to watch the movie with her in bed. My reply? "Ah nah thats ok, I'm comfortable here on the floor
Another girl I went to her home and somehow she ended up saying how she never sleeps with clothes on. ALWAYS has to be naked. Later in the evening (I traveled 4 hours to get there and thus stayed the night) she says shes tired and asks if I want to sleep in the bed with her. My reply? "Nah thats ok, I'll just sleep on the couch with the dog if thats alright"
Yeah. I'm not very suave.
OUCH!! !! !! !! !!
They wanted you dude....not even a porn star would be more obvious.
My sympathies.
Upside is there are women that want you
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