Is it possible to get a girlfriend who is.......

Post Reply New Topic

...older than you and out of your league.


You see I really really like this girl who works in my office (the office of the local member of parliament). She is about a year older than me, and has a Cambridge University Degree. Her name is Eleanor. She is quite and shy, but definately NT. I work there 2 days a week as a volunteer, and she is on a research internship. She will only be there a couple more months, so I will have to move fast if I want to move at all.

She is a very nice person, and talks to me regularly and exchanges smiles, etc. She might quite like me as well, but I wouldn't bet on that!

Who here has experiences of workplace relationships and how to start them and how to deal with the rest of the office when the relationship is underway?

only way you're going to find out is by trying. and trust me, the longer you wait, the more likely she'll wanna be "just friends"

Is it possible? I think so. The success rate, from my own experiences, may be lower, but it's possible. However, I'd approach workplace romance/relationships with caution. My sister and her soon-to-be ex-husband (both NTs, but that's besides the point, I think) worked at the same place for a few months before everything went to Hell because they were around each other so much and couldn't stand the sight of each other. They had no time to themselves, needless to say, something I think is vital for most, if not all Aspies.

Just something to think on. Hope this helps a little.

Thanks people.

Thats an interesting point, actually Alex. I have been friends with Hecate (she doesn't post here anymore) for a year and a half now, but by the time I got round to declaring my love for her, it turns out she saw me "only as a friend" and is now with another bloke. I am still good friends with her though so all is fine!

As regards workplace romances, I understand the situation of being too close for 24 hours a day. However, its not so bad because I only work two days a week, and Eleanor would be moving to a different post (still in the same Party) within a few months anyway.

The major thing that is putting me off is that I have never asked out a girl before, and I fear that she might think that I am harrassing or stalking her if I ask her out. I know it sounds silly, but I don't want to fall out with people and asking out someone who may not be interested is a sure enough way of falling out with them. Hecate was a different situation altogether because we have had a mainly online friendship and asking out someone who is already a very close friend is no big deal for me. Perhaps it would be better to just "be friends" to start with?

I see no reason why you shouldn't ask her out, and who says she's out of your league.
If she talks to you and smiles at you, then it is a good sign that she at leats likes you even little, so go for it. You don't have to even ask her out on a date if you want, you could ask her to lunch or something, start small, that way you'd get a better handle on her.
If you're worried about asking her out, as you've never asked a girl out, then don't be, most girls, as long as you aren't a creep, are flattered when someone ask them out, even if they decline, so i wouldn't worry about it.

[Bluff mode engaged]

Ahh the dating game. I practice the dating game like I practice texas hold'em poker.

You get given your 2 cards. You want to see the flop to see if your hand is going to work out, but you've got to put a little money into the pot before that's going to happen. In almost 4/5 times its worth seeing the flop for almost any 2 starting cards. The worst that can happen is that you bid high and see the flop and you haven't got hand. But you've got to try, because otherwise you'll never know.

Translated:

You've got what you've got to offer for the relationship. You want to know what the other person has and whether its going to work out. Are you compatible? But to know, you're gonna have to take a risk, maybe a big risk, and put your neck on the line a little, to find out. And in the whole process you're learning stuff anyway. The process of doing something is important, even if you are not successful. After you get to know the other person, you might find out it wont work. But at least you tried and didn't just sit there like a prune. And you've always got a chance that its gonna work out just great!

1) Play to win - That is, don't expect the worse.
2) Stop seeing dating as a major thing - it ain't. All you're doing is just seeing if you're compatible. It's no big deal.

Hope this made a hoodle of sense....


[Bluff mode end]

No, I don't think so!

Older people are smarter than other people!

i have to say, sometimes when a guy wats too long to make a "romantic" move i sort of tire of waiting for him.. and then there's no chance for any kind of chemistry anymore. maybe thats just me though? i guess i get bored.

A year is nothing! Georges Sand had a lover 10 years younger than she was.

I think you need to be careful mate. vedy vedy careful.

I'm currently more or less, with a girl who is 27 and I'm 19. we're both freshman....well she's more or less a freshman, with a degree in teaching, but she's still a freshman. we dated for a month, but ended the dating part because of the fact that she's a music major and doesn't have time to do anything else...plus she lives about half an hour off campus.