Dumping a long distance semi-boyfriend

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I had met a man who is 11 years older than I am at a sci fi convention last year during one of the panels. He even bought me lunch while also deciding to keep in contact with me on facebook and via text. (Yes I am way over 18 and 21).

We had been talking on facebook for the last year by the messaging system in addition to texting. Although we only saw each other once in person and never talked on the phone, we kept the relationship while acting like we were a real couple even though we are really minor aquiantances.

A few general problems...

1. I live in one city and he lives in another out-of-state.
2. He and I are at different points in our lives
3. We have two different belief systems
4.. This one bothered me... He would often wrote to me in the messaging system and would make comments like "It's a woman's job to do the cooking," and "I am tired, come here and rub my feet." He said these in a joking manner.
5. Part of me feels like he has an immature side of him
6. He does not support himself enough to have his own place


I doubt you see number 4 as a problem since he was joking. To me, I felt like it was rather annoying and maybe along the lines of manipulative behavior of how a woman should act. In fact, he did the tired, foot rub joke again last night and so I finally told him that I did not think it was going to work out because of the reasons above.

When he met he, he said that he was coming down to the convention to make some new connections and didn't think he would meet a cute girl.

So I talked to him last night after the foot rub joke and mentioned that I did not think it was going to work out.



Although he did not seem like a creep, I just feel in my heart that he was not the right one.


What is your input on this?

Hi, what exactly would you like input on? Personally, I'm very fussy when it comes to relationships and don't have much problem with letting someone go because it just doesn't feel like they are right for me. You don't really need to be able to explain it explicitly. If it doesn't feel right, it's probably not.

I would like some advice about the "Woman's job" to cook a man's meal or "Rub his feet when they are tired."

Do you find that sort of talk manipulative?

I also ended the relationship because we are minor aquiantances living in different cities which caused me to worry about one of us getting our heart's broken when something didn't work out later on down the road.

I can't tell if it's supposed to be manipulative or not. It might just be unfunny humor, it might be manipulative, it might be straight up misogyny.

Whatever it was, if it annoyed you and you told him to stop and he didn't, then that's a problem.

I didn't push back or anything. I usually said,"No." He said, "I was just kidding." However, I thought it was a little degrading humor for a woman and what is expected of us. Otherwise, he seemed to be a sweetie. He always gave me good compliments and made me feel good about myself.

Again, the main reason for breaking it off was because the internet is not a good place to really get to know someone if you know what I mean.

I'm surprised you kept in contact that long.

Seems a little like you want to misunderstand the humor tbh... It's obviously obviously a joke.

It's called banter.... He says something like that, you're meant to say something equally jokingly derogatory. Next time he says something like that, tell him you'll give him a foot rub if he gets the lawnmower out and cuts your lawn... Except, this is where your lack of sense of humor fails you... You will probably say to me, " but i life in an apartment, i don't have a lawn". Just it's not about the actual words with banter, it's about the insult with a joke at it's centre... it's like play fighting with words....

It's not 1965... people just dont say things like that without it being a joke... especially nts that are clued into things like that... isn't it out of place on a guy that you say is sweet otherwise? You're over analysing his behavior when in reality you just need to lighten up.



I don't think he's the right one for you otherwise btw... Not the distance thing, the other bits, him being in a different place in his life, the differing belief systems... Don't get attached to this guy just because he's interested... if he's not right u just need to let him go..

What about keeping in touch with him on fb? Do you think that I could keep him as a long distance friend or remove him?