I think I found her!

Post Reply New Topic

Met an INCREDIBLE woman on okcupid. She writes me back when I write her, and her answers are such a pleasure. She's smart, she's doing the same work as me, and she just seems incredible.

I'm determined to make this work, to really make this happen, to win her over, but I'm terrified I'll fail, or some SOB who is more handsome or successful than me will steal her away.

I've got to succeed at this. She could be the one, and I can't blow this. I WON'T blow this.

Everything I say will be perfect. Everything I do will be perfect. I've gotta convince her that I'm worthy of her, how do I do that? It's do or die. If I don't make this work, I really never will have a relationship or love. So how do I pull this off?

Woah woah woah! Slow down. Honestly, be yourself, don't be something you're not else you're just setting yourself up for failure. And don't get into the whole "this is my only chance at happiness" mindset. Heck you haven't even met her in person, so how can you truly be sure this match was written in the stars? Take it slow man.

Because our interests just so sync so perfectly. If we're not a great match, if I'm not good enough for her when we have so much in common, then there really is no one for me. I will make this happen with this woman. She's so wonderful, and I've just got to convince her I'm worthy of her love.

I was perfect once. Got her to marry me. I didn't stay perfect though, because you can't lie to the one that knows you better than you know yourself. Now I have a damaged marriage I'm trying to save, and a wife that had experienced a lot of disapointment.

If you really love her, ask yourself this. She may be all the things you want, but are you really REALLY what she wants? If you find you have step it up to be that guy, you may be confusing the man you are with the man you wish you were. For both your sakes, think about it.

And if you decide you aren't that guy, dont lose hope. Time and effort can change a man. Just dont grow at her expense. Whatever you decide, either way good luck.

I think my zero percent success rate, the fact I've never had a girlfriend or held hands with a woman, after scores, hundreds of tries, says the problem is with ME. I, myself, ME, I am not in and of myself a person worthy of love.

So I must change and become that person she can love. And I'll do that. If I have to get plastic surgery, lift weights every day, buy her flowers and jewelry, or sell my soul to the devil, I'll make myself worthy of her love.

I WILL succeed this time. I MUST succeed, or else I'll be too old, too inexperienced, and women won't give these damaged goods the time of day. I've got to find someone TODAY, and I'm gonna make sure it is her. We'll be perfect!

Why?

See, its this statement right here that has me worried. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you found someone who seems to be a good fit for you, and I really really do hope it works out for you. However, you shouldn't be willing to jump through someone else's hoops to show that you are worthy of their affection. If you let them know you are, then at best they will reject you and worst case, they will use you for all your worth and leave you an empty husk.

And tell me, what if this doesn't work out? Are you just going to fall into a self-destructive depression? Or will you be able to pick yourself up and find the will to fight another day? I know I'm just some guy on the internet, but well...the way you're going into this just has me a little concerned.

So I won't be alone. My friends are drifting away when they marry and have kids. My parents whom I love dearly, won't be around forever. I don't want to die a bachelor.

I'm too afraid my work as a filmmaker will go unacknowledged, that I'm just a no-talent hack loser, and when I die I'll have nothing to justify my existence. No one to care that I'm gone.

That's why I must find someone and soon!

Justify your existence? To whom? Look, you shouldn't go out and attempt some grand accomplishment because you think it will prove your worth to the world. A great accomplishment is something that you look back on with pride, regardless of whether or not the rest of the world notices.

If it doesn't work I probably will go spiraling off. We share SO MANY interests, and if that isn't enough, if I'm not good enough for her, then clearly I'm not good enough for ANY woman, because someone who shares my interests is the most ideal match I'll ever find. If she doesn't accept me...I'll probably restart my "success or death by 30" timetable, which is a promise I've made to myself: if I've not had a major success as a filmmaker, or I've not found someone who loves me, there is no point in prolonging the futility...

^ This!

"Success or death by 30" eh? Okay, so lets say you achieve a major success as a filmmaker, which leads to a long successful career. You die of old age, and leave behind a library of great films to be enjoyed by future generations. Unless you believe theres an afterlife from which you can look down on your earthly creations and point them out to the other dead people, then you won't be able to enjoy your achievements when you're gone. Your best bet for happiness is to do something because you enjoy doing it.

edit: If you need to talk man, pm me or something. I got work tomorrow, but i'll see what i can do.
And hell you're not even 30 and you want to off yourself if you don't create you masterpiece by then?! Even when you do turn 30, you won't even have lived half your life, and half of the part you did live you spent growing up!

My good sir, I think you have some personal demons you need to vanquish. You want other people to love you, but you need to learn to love yourself.

You really shouldn't invest so much in someone who you just met.

I'm glad you found someone interesting but let's not get carried away. Does she message you or do you do all the messaging? Does she ask questions about you? Try not to be clingy.

Don't let your crazy show too much.

Would you feel the same about anyone who presents you with a degree of interest?
What about this particular person as opposed to the idea of this role in your life contrasts?