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Has anyone here recieved negative dating rejections?

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atdevel
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13 Jul 2012, 11:00 pm

Not all of mine were bad, but some were terrible! People say that "no" is the worst thing a girl can say but that's a lie!!



Wolfheart
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13 Jul 2012, 11:20 pm

Facing rejection is something all men have to face and can be a daunting task for some people as self-approval is something people deeply care about but I think it's better to try instead of fearing rejection. It is important to have the right mindset as well, if you look at it as a win/lose situation and approach people with a negative mindset and attitude, you are going to feel worse about yourself. If you make it a good or funny situation, you can't go wrong, interactions that go good can lead somewhere and ones that don't go well, just brush them off and have a laugh about them later. Yes, maybe it was an embarrassing moment, maybe you were rejected, it's not the end of the world and it's not worth having a fragile ego over, if you let a girl define you after five minutes of pitching yourself to her, you need to take yourself less seriously.

Instead of taking rejection personally, it's better to move on, persist and go on to the next one. If you approach twenty girls and have success with one, you have still succeeded.



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13 Jul 2012, 11:24 pm

yeah, i have been told i am too flat-chested, too eccentric, too fat, too thin, too old, too young...


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13 Jul 2012, 11:40 pm

Wolfheart wrote:
Facing rejection is something all men have to face and can be a daunting task for some people as self-approval is something people deeply care about but I think it's better to try instead of fearing rejection. It is important to have the right mindset as well, if you look at it as a win/lose situation and approach people with a negative mindset and attitude, you are going to feel worse about yourself. If you make it a good or funny situation, you can't go wrong, interactions that go good can lead somewhere and ones that don't go well, just brush them off and have a laugh about them later. Yes, maybe it was an embarrassing moment, maybe you were rejected, it's not the end of the world and it's not worth having a fragile ego over, if you let a girl define you after five minutes of pitching yourself to her, you need to take yourself less seriously.

Instead of taking rejection personally, it's better to move on, persist and go on to the next one. If you approach twenty girls and have success with one, you have still succeeded.


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13 Jul 2012, 11:42 pm

his post makes great sense, and i think it also applies to women. we suffer rejection as well.


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14 Jul 2012, 12:07 am

Wolfheart wrote:
Instead of taking rejection personally, it's better to move on, persist and go on to the next one. If you approach twenty girls and have success with one, you have still succeeded.


Yes. Absolutely. You know those guys who seem to have all the luck with women, this is their secret.


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14 Jul 2012, 12:10 am

Wolfheart wrote:
Facing rejection is something all men have to face and can be a daunting task for some people as self-approval is something people deeply care about but I think it's better to try instead of fearing rejection. It is important to have the right mindset as well, if you look at it as a win/lose situation and approach people with a negative mindset and attitude, you are going to feel worse about yourself. If you make it a good or funny situation, you can't go wrong, interactions that go good can lead somewhere and ones that don't go well, just brush them off and have a laugh about them later. Yes, maybe it was an embarrassing moment, maybe you were rejected, it's not the end of the world and it's not worth having a fragile ego over, if you let a girl define you after five minutes of pitching yourself to her, you need to take yourself less seriously.

Instead of taking rejection personally, it's better to move on, persist and go on to the next one. If you approach twenty girls and have success with one, you have still succeeded.

Well if you approach people and they turn away-what do you do then? That has happened to me and its not very encouraging.


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14 Jul 2012, 12:13 am

hyperlexian wrote:
his post makes great sense, and i think it also applies to women. we suffer rejection as well.


Of course but men are more likely to feel rejection because they are expected to initiate in society.



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14 Jul 2012, 12:16 am

hyperlexian wrote:
yeah, i have been told i am too flat-chested, too eccentric, too fat, too thin, too old, too young...


I thought someone would have mentioned "ardent liberal". That's a big one for me. I know some girls wont even talk to Libertarians. Some people view my views as wacky because they don't think outside the box. They listen to state endorsed media and hipsters.


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14 Jul 2012, 12:17 am

Wolfheart wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
his post makes great sense, and i think it also applies to women. we suffer rejection as well.


Of course but men are more likely to feel rejection because they are expected to initiate in society.

even if men are asking women out, women are still rejected when they are not asked out. you can do a simple google search or read any teen help column, and over and over again, "how can i get this boy to like me? how can i get him to notice me?"

they are rejected when they sit by themselves waiting for some guy to ask them to dance at the club, while meanwhile some other girl never has to take a seat because she is asked over and over again.

and many girls DO initiate. it was common in my childhood/teen school dances for girls to ask boys to dance, even MORE than the reverse.


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14 Jul 2012, 12:17 am

bizboy1 wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
yeah, i have been told i am too flat-chested, too eccentric, too fat, too thin, too old, too young...


I thought someone would have mentioned "ardent liberal". That's a big one for me. I know some girls wont even talk to Libertarians. Some people view my views as wacky because they don't think outside the box. They listen to state endorsed media and hipsters.

yeah, good point.


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14 Jul 2012, 12:18 am

No one ever told me anything. Haven't gotten that far in the dating scene. It wouldn't surprise me if some elementary kids have more experience than me. I haven been told by many people that I'm a jerk and as*hole.


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14 Jul 2012, 12:21 am

hyperlexian wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
his post makes great sense, and i think it also applies to women. we suffer rejection as well.


Of course but men are more likely to feel rejection because they are expected to initiate in society.

even if men are asking women out, women are still rejected when they are not asked out. you can do a simple google search or read any teen help column, and over and over again, "how can i get this boy to like me? how can i get him to notice me?"

they are rejected when they sit by themselves waiting for some guy to ask them to dance at the club, while meanwhile some other girl never has to take a seat because she is asked over and over again.

and many girls DO initiate. it was common in my childhood/teen school dances for girls to ask boys to dance, even MORE than the reverse.


I know but the way in which they initiate is different, women initiate or throw out a hook through subtle hinting and the man is expected to follow through with that. If a man on the spectrum doesn't pick up those signals, he is likely to reject the girl without even knowing it.

On the other hand, a man is expected to be direct in his approach, for instance walking up to a unknown group or putting himself out on the line more. Men and women can communicate through subtle initiating like winking at each other in a bar but that's only if the woman takes particular interest to that man.



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14 Jul 2012, 12:23 am

Wolfheart wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
his post makes great sense, and i think it also applies to women. we suffer rejection as well.


Of course but men are more likely to feel rejection because they are expected to initiate in society.

even if men are asking women out, women are still rejected when they are not asked out. you can do a simple google search or read any teen help column, and over and over again, "how can i get this boy to like me? how can i get him to notice me?"

they are rejected when they sit by themselves waiting for some guy to ask them to dance at the club, while meanwhile some other girl never has to take a seat because she is asked over and over again.

and many girls DO initiate. it was common in my childhood/teen school dances for girls to ask boys to dance, even MORE than the reverse.


I know but the way in which they initiate is different, women initiate or throw out a hook through subtle hinting and the man is expected to follow through with that. If a man on the spectrum doesn't pick up those signals, he is likely to reject the girl without even knowing it.

On the other hand, a man is expected to be direct in his approach, for instance walking up to a unknown group or putting himself out on the line more. Men and women can communicate through subtle initiating like winking at each other in a bar but that's only if the woman takes particular interest to that man.

yes the modes are often different but the rejections are just as painful (i have had it both ways, as the ignored one and as the initiator). there is no yardstick for social and emotional pain.


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14 Jul 2012, 12:42 am

Radiofixr wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
Facing rejection is something all men have to face and can be a daunting task for some people as self-approval is something people deeply care about but I think it's better to try instead of fearing rejection. It is important to have the right mindset as well, if you look at it as a win/lose situation and approach people with a negative mindset and attitude, you are going to feel worse about yourself. If you make it a good or funny situation, you can't go wrong, interactions that go good can lead somewhere and ones that don't go well, just brush them off and have a laugh about them later. Yes, maybe it was an embarrassing moment, maybe you were rejected, it's not the end of the world and it's not worth having a fragile ego over, if you let a girl define you after five minutes of pitching yourself to her, you need to take yourself less seriously.

Instead of taking rejection personally, it's better to move on, persist and go on to the next one. If you approach twenty girls and have success with one, you have still succeeded.

Well if you approach people and they turn away-what do you do then? That has happened to me and its not very encouraging.


There's nothing you can do in that situation without making a scene. Forget it and move on to the next target, worrying about it or being disheartened isn't going to be to be productive. For example, If you are on a train and you are late, you can't magically speed the train up so what's the point in stressing about it? You need to have the confidence in that situation to say it's their loss and walk away.



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14 Jul 2012, 12:44 am

I haven't. When I'm rejected, it's almost always sugarcoated or a false promise to resume contact.