Control and submission.

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Do you prefer to be the more dominant person in the relationship? The person who romances the other person, calls the other person, organises dates?

Or do you like being the submissive person who goes with the flow and lets your partner make the decisions like what you will do on a date?

Or do you like it being evenly matched relationship wise? sometimes one person does something and the next time the other person does, ect?

In romantic relationships, I like to be materially equal meaning that I like to pay for our outings half the time.

With regard to planning the outings, I prefer my partner to do the planning. This limits me to dating NT guys since other Aspies are likely to have hermit tendencies just like me.

Sexually, I like a be evenly matched on the dominance issue. I like to lead occasionally but enjoy being led also.

How about you, Solvejg?

(I am a female btw.)

Having never been in a relationship I can only guess. But I would have to say it would probably vary depending on the situation.

That depends. I'm naturally submissive, probably because it's less likely to disappoint people if one simply follows instructions. But in online relationships, in places like Second Life for example, I always end up being the dominant partner. Submissives are usually very clear about how they want to be treated, and I've found that it's much easier to serve another person by dominating them according to their fantasies. I hope that makes sense.

i have tended to be dominant, but one time it was mutual and that turned out best. sort of like an unchoreographed dance that somehow flowed.

This thread will switch forums pretty fast I think.

I started to write this paragraph but deleted it because it made me think. Truth is I'm really unsure what I want. I think I'd prefer someone who knew what they wanted... rather than someone who expected me to give it to them.... because I won't.

I think what hyper said holds a lot of how I'd feel a good relationship would go.

What I want in a relationship is entirely dependent on where I'm at emotionally. When I'm feeling insecure or directionless I'm more submissive but when I'm feeling more confident, I turn into Ms. Bossy-Pants. I'm in a Bossy-Pants phase right now and what I want is an equal who enjoys my company and respects my boundaries. (and vice versa)

Evenly matched. I hate the idea of one person controlling another.

When you word it like that, then I'd have to say I'm guilty of submissive on all 3 counts.

I never think of it that way, and I don't think of it as "control". I think of it more as, he leads and makes decisions etc, and I choose to follow or not (as the case may be! I always have the option of refusing). Admittedly I don't usually use my "veto" power without a decent reason because this seems to work for me, things just flow and I feel much more comfortable this way.

The one time someone wanted me to be "equal", that didn't work, for him and especially not for me. The relationship became very abusive.

Last edited by Kjas on 04 Mar 2012, 4:12 am, edited 3 times in total.

Either equal or submissive. Don't think I could ever be dominant in any way without feeling like an ass.

Balanced is my choice.

I prefer even ground for the most part. Although I tend to be submissive to women Im weird like that.

I like this statement but I'm rarely submissive and if I seem that way sometimes it's a facade because I don't care for conflict so I just make the person think they have control. But it would be nice to have someone who did know the boundaries as in when I say I don't like something or don't want to try something. When it could actually be beneficial. I just don't want to get out of my comfort zone is really the reason and I've probably hurt others by quickly disregarding their suggestions.

It depends. There's a difference between being submissive and having control and a say and being submissive and having no control or say. The latter is dangerous.

Submissive ^-^
but evenly-matched is nice too.

But not dominant! I really don't want that! One of my biggest fear is that girls will see me as their prince and they will want me to be the dominant/leading one.

In many aspects, if both people listen to each other and have a mutual understanding with each other, I don't see any reason or need for control. If a conflict does arise, both partners should be able to resolve it through a compromise or understanding.

I can understand why people may enjoy aspects of control in relationships though, I suppose the main factor is social conditioning. I think if someone has led a sheltered and controlled life or had strict parents, they may need to feel that from their partner later in life since they no longer live with their parents and have no one to rely on to make major decisions.