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AspergianMutantt
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10 Jul 2012, 12:28 am

This thread is for articles you find and want to share or discuss at some length about love and dating. do's and don'ts. feel free to post links by them selves, or the whole articles for discussions.

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Best first-date moves for men
By Bob Strauss

http://yahoo.match.com/cp.aspx?cpp=/cpp ... ID=1362560



hyperlexian
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10 Jul 2012, 2:14 am

^^^^ good idea about this thread. i'd like to add that members should only post excerpts for copyright reasons, with a link to the rest of the article. thanks!

my contribution:

Quote:
The effect of nonphysical traits on the perception of physical attractiveness

Again, a description of two group members will help to make the results of this study more vivid and intuitive. One was a woman whose physical attractiveness was rated as roughly average during the first day of class but who proved to be lazy and uncooperative, according to the instructors and as observed directly by KMK. Not only was she disliked by her classmates, but her physical attractiveness rating declined from a mean of 5.07 to a mean of 4.14 by the end of the study. Another was a woman whose physical attractiveness was rated as below average during the first day of class but who became a popular and hardworking member of the group. Not only was she well liked, but her physical attractiveness rating increased from a mean of 3.25 to a mean of 7.00 by the end of the study.


http://evolution.binghamton.edu/dswilso ... /DSW13.pdf

basically, aspects of personality are extremely important in terms of attractiveness to the opposite sex, and personality strongly informs (and even changes) our perceptions of physical beauty.

also....

Quote:
You’re 37% More Likely To Date Someone If You’ve Got Facebook Friends In Common

Out of Coffee Meets Bagel’s 44,000 matches, people with mutual friends are 37.2% more likely to both give each other the thumbs up. Women are much more influenced by the mutual friends effect. And there’s even a magic number of acquaintances in common that makes you 90% more likely to want to get frisky…

Turns out four is the ideal number of mutual friends, almost doubling the chances two people will dig each other. Any number still increases your chance of crushing on someone, but it seems like less than four and someone might be sketchy, more and things could get messy if your date is a disaster.


http://techcrunch.com/2012/06/28/date-mutual-friend/


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Wolfheart
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10 Jul 2012, 3:39 am

Not a bad article, the only trouble is that social situations are dynamic and playing to something that is pre-scripted for someone on the spectrum is like relying on the road to remain the same when you are driving a car. To be good at socializing or creating a good first impression, you need to be dynamic and receptive to whatever might be thrown at you, that can range from love to work interviews.



AspergianMutantt
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10 Jul 2012, 8:19 am

Wolfheart wrote:
Not a bad article, the only trouble is that social situations are dynamic and playing to something that is pre-scripted for someone on the spectrum is like relying on the road to remain the same when you are driving a car. To be good at socializing or creating a good first impression, you need to be dynamic and receptive to whatever might be thrown at you, that can range from love to work interviews.


Your missing the point, many men (and women), esp aspies, lack the tools to be that dynamic and receptive person to begin with. I have read many articles over the years and it does help. and knowing what expectations are out there also helps.



AScomposer13413
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10 Jul 2012, 9:57 am

Quote:
Q: OK, so the man doesn’t meet your standards on your first date together. What do you do next?

Moira: Phase it out. Let it die. After two or three dates, you don’t owe him an explanation. After a year, maybe you can tell him the truth if you have mutual friends.

Kelsey: You have to make excuses sometimes.

Rachel: I’ll say, “I don’t want a boyfriend right now,” which is true. I don’t want him as a boyfriend, but keeping it general — I hope, anyway — will be less hurtful than saying, “I don’t want to date you.”


This part of the article irks me a little (and I have a feeling I'm gonna be flamed for my viewpoint). I don't have a problem with a failed relationship attempt dying out, but if you're dating someone who doesn't have a lot of dating experience, giving them a bit of closure shouldn't be that much of an uphill battle, as it would give them something to work on. Moreover, it gives the other person closure as they don't have to worry about further contact should they not want to even continue a friendship.



DogsWithoutHorses
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10 Jul 2012, 4:17 pm

AScomposer13413 wrote:
Quote:
Q: OK, so the man doesn’t meet your standards on your first date together. What do you do next?

Moira: Phase it out. Let it die. After two or three dates, you don’t owe him an explanation. After a year, maybe you can tell him the truth if you have mutual friends.

Kelsey: You have to make excuses sometimes.

Rachel: I’ll say, “I don’t want a boyfriend right now,” which is true. I don’t want him as a boyfriend, but keeping it general — I hope, anyway — will be less hurtful than saying, “I don’t want to date you.”


This part of the article irks me a little (and I have a feeling I'm gonna be flamed for my viewpoint). I don't have a problem with a failed relationship attempt dying out, but if you're dating someone who doesn't have a lot of dating experience, giving them a bit of closure shouldn't be that much of an uphill battle, as it would give them something to work on. Moreover, it gives the other person closure as they don't have to worry about further contact should they not want to even continue a friendship.


I actually agree. This kind of thing is difficult to deal with when anyone does it.
I think people are pretty uncomfortable with negative emotions of other people, and we avoid them at all cost.
In women I often see this avoidance as a result of being socialized to be "people pleasers".
In men it seems to result from being socialized to not deal with feelings or respect emotion.

Closure would be nice, but for the "dumper" avoiding negative emotion takes precedence.

In general, I try not to have expectations of partners until we've decided to be exclusive, before that I pretty much think of each date as an individual thing. In that mindset, I do think in the early beginnings there's not a major obligation to do anything besides not call back.


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PricelessWisdom
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13 Jul 2012, 8:34 pm

Honestly going to say i hate the idea of girls that have lots of dates, reasons due to things like above where the wrong advice comes into play with the wrong people where as relationships are ruined, society is really having a hard time being itself, these kind of girls make couples worthless, and probably plays a huge role with lying to your partners and cheating, i hate when people play with others peoples emotions, especially witnessing it happen, for me its kinda always been like one relationship effects the next, understand i used to have a hard time expressing myself and not many relationships, its kinda exactly like profiling but finally at the point where i give new relationships and chance instead of pure pre-judgement. Ok I'm done.



hyperlexian
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13 Jul 2012, 8:41 pm

PricelessWisdom wrote:
Honestly going to say i hate the idea of girls that have lots of dates, reasons due to things like above where the wrong advice comes into play with the wrong people where as relationships are ruined, society is really having a hard time being itself, these kind of girls make couples worthless, and probably plays a huge role with lying to your partners and cheating, i hate when people play with others peoples emotions, especially witnessing it happen, for me its kinda always been like one relationship effects the next, understand i used to have a hard time expressing myself and not many relationships, its kinda exactly like profiling but finally at the point where i give new relationships and chance instead of pure pre-judgement. Ok I'm done.

don't you think that men who have lots of dates would have the same effect?


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PricelessWisdom
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13 Jul 2012, 8:48 pm

Definitely, sorry if you thought i was trying to rule out girls only



AScomposer13413
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13 Jul 2012, 8:59 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
PricelessWisdom wrote:
Honestly going to say i hate the idea of girls that have lots of dates, reasons due to things like above where the wrong advice comes into play with the wrong people where as relationships are ruined, society is really having a hard time being itself, these kind of girls make couples worthless, and probably plays a huge role with lying to your partners and cheating, i hate when people play with others peoples emotions, especially witnessing it happen, for me its kinda always been like one relationship effects the next, understand i used to have a hard time expressing myself and not many relationships, its kinda exactly like profiling but finally at the point where i give new relationships and chance instead of pure pre-judgement. Ok I'm done.

don't you think that men who have lots of dates would have the same effect?


I was about to make the same comment. I think that's more of a people thing rather than gender-exclusive.

Different note: Wouldn't be fair to post the best first-date moves for men without it's women counterpart!!


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AspergianMutantt
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15 Jul 2012, 11:46 pm

The science of flirting
By Margot Carmichael Lester
http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?a ... ID=1364532



Wolfheart
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16 Jul 2012, 1:27 am

AspergianMutantt wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
Not a bad article, the only trouble is that social situations are dynamic and playing to something that is pre-scripted for someone on the spectrum is like relying on the road to remain the same when you are driving a car. To be good at socializing or creating a good first impression, you need to be dynamic and receptive to whatever might be thrown at you, that can range from love to work interviews.


Your missing the point, many men (and women), esp aspies, lack the tools to be that dynamic and receptive person to begin with. I have read many articles over the years and it does help. and knowing what expectations are out there also helps.


I am aware of that so maybe instead of developing one set script, it would be better to develop smaller scripts that a person can use to respond to a certain situation.



AspergianMutantt
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24 Jul 2012, 4:40 pm

The cheesiest pick-up lines of all time
By Rosalind Cummings-Yeates

http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?a ... ID=1364546

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5 Marriage Myths You Shouldn't Believe

http://shine.yahoo.com/vitality/5-marri ... 00005.html

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What’s Your Body Language Saying?

http://shine.yahoo.com/secrets-to-your- ... 00168.html

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Why Women Lose Interest in Sex

http://news.yahoo.com/why-women-lose-in ... tml?_esi=1

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Barflies: Sex-deprived male flies go for the booze

http://news.yahoo.com/barflies-sex-depr ... 35316.html

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5 Ways Relationships Are Good for Your Health

http://www.myhealthnewsdaily.com/936-5- ... ealth.html

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Does he love you? Check his grammar for clues.

http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/does-he ... 99230.html

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12 Signs of Depression in Men

http://health.yahoo.net/articles/mental ... sion-men#0

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Even Female Chimps Love The Bad Boys

http://www.science20.com/news_account/e ... e_bad_boys

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6 signs he’ll make a good dad

http://yahoo.match.com/cp.aspx?cpp=/cpp ... iontimeout

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Women really DO find the silent, brooding type sexier: Scientists discover happy men are 'significantly less attractive'

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/ ... adies.html

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5 bad relationship habits to dump

http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?a ... rID=751022

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5 reasons why you’re still single

http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=6010

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Dating tips and advice by match.com

http://yahoo.match.com/y/article/index.aspx

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AspergianMutantt
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25 Jul 2012, 4:36 pm

5 Secrets to a Happy Marriage: Revealed by Divorce

http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/5-secre ... vorce.html



AspergianMutantt
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25 Jul 2012, 4:51 pm

9 Fights to Have with Your Husband

http://www.womansday.com/sex-relationsh ... wd&mag=wdy



AspergianMutantt
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30 Jul 2012, 4:24 pm

Signs that he’s genuinely into you

http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?a ... rID=709882
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Signs she’s seriously smitten with you

http://yahoo.match.com/magazine/article ... cleid=7758