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bbad
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29 Aug 2012, 9:27 pm

I'm not a person that is going to like any girl that he meets. Now I've gotten to know this girl who is pretty much perfect to what I find important, and we have a decent conversation now and then too. I think I only meet a girl like this once every ten years, or even less.

She is vegetarian like me, has similar interests, has a character that suits me really well, I know for certain she is going to have that personality that is able to easily deal with my complex personality, while having fun at it.

Now I knew she already has a boyfriend, and this is the thing that is infuriating me currently, as you might understand.

So this evening I just had to tell her about the way I feel about her, because it was hard for me to keep inside. I also think it would be better for both of us if she knew too, so I would at least be on her 'romantic radar'.... It took me two weeks to mentally prepare for this. It was heavy, she took it pretty lightly though (disappointing). Nevertheless my small hope that her current relation would be one to easily sweep aside are gone, as I didn't get the impression I had a single chance during our conversation. Her current relationship seems pretty stable.

As you notice, I'm purely ranting here from my own egoistic mind, because it would not be fun for her if her relation would end, but god... It would be a day I would celebrate until the end of time, it could even make me forget to court her in the first place!

What currently annoys me is this feeling of emptiness. There is no future between us, I can't sneakily influence her to destroy that cursed relationship she is in, but I also know it will take years before I meet one like her again. Life is a b***h, I tell you that. Damn mediocrity, I want perfection from life. This is my only life and it's creeping away from me.

It felt really good to write this away from me, so I can sleep. Any suggestions are welcome, even if it takes me writing a damn poems. In fact that doesn't even sound like a bad idea. Great way to lose this weight I'm carrying and flipping it over to her. I know her well enough to know it wouldn't hurt her.



aspiemike
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29 Aug 2012, 9:48 pm

I think the only thing you can really do now is to let the feelings go which seems to be what you are doing from what I have read. It might be in your best interest to keep in touch with her at a platonic level.



Ilka
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29 Aug 2012, 10:15 pm

I might be wrong, but it does not sound like you fell for this girl. It sounds like you decided she was the one you wanted. Love is not supposed to be like that. It is supposed to hit you in the face leaving you without a chance. And I think that is because we do not always know what is best for us. So maybe it was for the best. : )



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29 Aug 2012, 10:54 pm

I would advise you not to fret, because at age 24, a large percentage of relationships that are currently in place will not last. Her current commitment to her boyfriend may be genuine (and wouldn't you want that quality in a prospective girlfriend, to be loyal to her boyfriend regardless of other offers thrown her way?) however, at such a young age, people change, things shift, engagements fall apart.

If it you have to think about her, take this time to see her with a more balanced view. She has many positive traits that you appreciate, however what are her annoying qualities? It is helpful to stay balanced when viewing someone who is a crush, because no one is ALL good qualities.

Secondly, if you could meet more people and casually date others it would give you a chance to add to your experiences. Also, if she sees you date someone else she will know that you are not obsessed with her in an unhealthy way, and may even feel jealousy that you forgot her so easily. Maybe that will help her take inventory of her feelings about you, but if there are none, you are best to move on with your activities and interests.

Just an opinion from one girl! :)


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MacDragard
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29 Aug 2012, 11:04 pm

You've built her up too much in your head. Keep in mind that she s**ts and farts just like you do.



simon_says
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29 Aug 2012, 11:42 pm

You never know what might happen if you hang around her but that's not really a good plan. A better plan is to find a way to expand your social circle in a way that is as comfortable for you as possible. It will take work and some discomfort.

Once I began to meet more women I found that I was attracted to more women than I realized. I thought I had very high standards but really it was just that I didnt know many people. :lol:



PastFixations
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30 Aug 2012, 1:08 am

simon_says wrote:
Once I began to meet more women I found that I was attracted to more women than I realized. I thought I had very high standards but really it was just that I didnt know many people. :lol:

Precisely, you build an idea of what you feel is your type and sometimes it's not totally dependant on that type, it could be completely different.


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bbad
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30 Aug 2012, 3:51 pm

Thanks for the replies. The main thing was to get it out of my head, that succeeded pretty well. Today I feel fine.

I do usually choose a girl on a more rational level, before I really fall for her. This works best for me. If the rational basics are good I think the relation has more chances in general. It also helps to identify a very special person more easily, if you first defined it for yourself.

In my case she is not available. Too bad, I have to accept it. In case she will be single again I am on her radar, and not in the dreaded 'friends-zone'. I am not going to wait for her to be single, I'm just going to live my life and hopefully meet someone else. Although they are rare, they are not completely unique.

These type of disappointments are part of life, and I'm on my way to become an expert at it unfortunately. On the other hand I feel these kind of disappointments drive my creativity forward.



Magnus_Rex
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30 Aug 2012, 7:58 pm

We are alike. I am attracted to a girl for the first time (and I am 21 years old) and I have absolutely no chance with her. I wish I were an aromantic asexual, because I do not like being so obsessed about something that is pointless.

...I guess I will just have to wait another ten years.


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bbad
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30 Aug 2012, 9:06 pm

glasstoria wrote:
I would advise you not to fret, because at age 24, a large percentage of relationships that are currently in place will not last. Her current commitment to her boyfriend may be genuine (and wouldn't you want that quality in a prospective girlfriend, to be loyal to her boyfriend regardless of other offers thrown her way?) however, at such a young age, people change, things shift, engagements fall apart.

If it you have to think about her, take this time to see her with a more balanced view. She has many positive traits that you appreciate, however what are her annoying qualities? It is helpful to stay balanced when viewing someone who is a crush, because no one is ALL good qualities.

Secondly, if you could meet more people and casually date others it would give you a chance to add to your experiences. Also, if she sees you date someone else she will know that you are not obsessed with her in an unhealthy way, and may even feel jealousy that you forgot her so easily. Maybe that will help her take inventory of her feelings about you, but if there are none, you are best to move on with your activities and interests.

Just an opinion from one girl! :)


What is interesting about this girl is that she knows I am an aspie, and finds it quite interesting and OK. That is one of the qualities I actually found very intriguing with her. She is not judgmental and seems to have the patient mindset that is required to deal with me.

About the bad sides, she may have plenty. I just wanted to get to know her much better. My feelings for her were not that much more than this, but still I find it so very disappointing that I won't have the chance. Perhaps more disappointing than I had expected.



ShamelessGit
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30 Aug 2012, 9:14 pm

Ilka wrote:
I might be wrong, but it does not sound like you fell for this girl. It sounds like you decided she was the one you wanted. Love is not supposed to be like that. It is supposed to hit you in the face leaving you without a chance. And I think that is because we do not always know what is best for us. So maybe it was for the best. : )


Nothing good has ever happened to me naturally. I needed to work at everything from breathing and beating my heart to learning how to smile. I think you will find that many if not most of the people on this website are similar. I know I would trust my head with relationships way more than my heart.



ShamelessGit
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30 Aug 2012, 9:16 pm

How can you say that you only meet a girl like her once every ten years if you're only 24? Did you have intense romantic desires when you were 14? I don't think people start getting serious about relationships until later so my guess is that you've had around 5 years of experience with people who might be interested in serious relationships, or maybe even less.



bbad
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30 Aug 2012, 9:31 pm

I'm not 24, and I've never stated I'm 24, or am I making a mistake? I know someone else also mentioned me being 24, but I didn't really get that point either.



Wolfheart
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31 Aug 2012, 1:23 am

Read this very carefully.

You are experiencing unrequited love because you are craving something you can't have, people do that. Even if she didn't have a boyfriend, there are probably a ton of guys waiting or wanting to dick her so just move on and find single girls to practise your game on.



Kurgan
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31 Aug 2012, 7:44 am

Wolfheart wrote:
Read this very carefully.

You are experiencing unrequited love because you are craving something you can't have, people do that. Even if she didn't have a boyfriend, there are probably a ton of guys waiting or wanting to dick her so just move on and find single girls to practise your game on.


This.

If you want an omelette, you're gonna have to break some eggs.



Ilka
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31 Aug 2012, 10:06 am

bbad wrote:
I'm just going to live my life and hopefully meet someone else. Although they are rare, they are not completely unique. These type of disappointments are part of life, and I'm on my way to become an expert at it unfortunately. On the other hand I feel these kind of disappointments drive my creativity forward.


Wow. You are so mature about all this. Congratulations. I imagine that is the good thing about liking her at a rational level first: it hurt less, I guess. And you are right about the creativity. Good things come out of pain, specially art-related. Hope you find the love you deserve <3