NT/AS Dating, Vastly Different Personalities?

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I’m dating someone with Asperger’s. I don’t really like reducing him to that, though; he’s really funny, smart, and seems genuinely interested in me.

We just have vastly different personalities and very few common interests, although our sense of humor and politics are mostly the same. He prefers staying at home or within very small groups, he’s quiet and sarcastic, he’s very romantic and treats me in a very stereotypical gentlemanly way (opening doors, dressing nicely on dates, etc), and of the interests that he does have, I only share 1 or 2. I love crowds and doing something with my friends at least once a week, I’m kind of loud, I don’t have a romantic bone in my body to spare, and I’m very active in my community and incredibly invested in a lot of other things that he’s not invested in.

I don’t really mind because I have enough people to be interested in those other things that I don’t need or want him, necessarily, to suddenly just develop a passion for volunteering or something like that. I just like being around him, whatever we do. But will that be a major problem later that I’m so different from him? Will his AS make it worse? It’s happened to me in the past where my partners have said that they just didn’t feel as if they could keep up with me or that they were "right" with me, even though I personally felt happy enough in those relationships. And that was with NT men and women.

I’ve asked him to do some things with me that he’s never done or expressed interest in doing before just because they leant well to being date-night type things, and he seemed like he had fun. And I think that at this moment in time, we’re having a lot of fun, and we’re talking pretty openly. I’m trying not to be overbearing, although I did give him have access to my schedule, so he knows most of what’s going on. I’m just wary based on past experience.

I’d just like advice from people who’ve been in relationships like that, from both perspectives, so that I could keep this relationship.

AS + NT relationships can work. It depends heavily on both your personality compatibility, and I suppose how well adjusted your Aspie is. He sounds functional and normal (for an Aspie).

Personnaly, I think opposite personalities work better. Where your interests are different and you're not tripping over one another, or competing with one another.

Any relationship based on support for one another, is a great relationship in my opinion. Doesn't matter if interests don't coincide.

Aspies don't like crowds, don't like noise, and "need" quiet time to recharge after a days work (assuming he works). I can't stress this one enough. He'll lock himself away for hours at a time over the weekend, and may avoid you of an evening. A day at the office can be tough, and the only way I can relax and unwind at the end of the day is to play online games. It allows the mind to stop thinking. Relaxes the body and gives me a chance to get tired to be able to sleep at night.

You two are indeed very different. With patience and understanding it can work.
I'm looking for a relationship atm. So far the girls haven't wanted to understand my needs. They expect me to be like every other male they've dated. But I'm just not that, and I can't be that.

Give it time as friends, and don't place too much expectation on a relationship.
Let it form slowly and naturaly. Learning one another as you go, no pressure.

Thanks for your reply!

Yeah, he does seem really well-adjusted—at least when dealing with me. His family seems really supportive, and he’s been to counseling and such before. He’s living on his own, with part-time jobs and a college degree, so yeah. Basically, his family seems awesome, and he’s awesome.

Are there things I can do regularly to show that I don’t expect him to do everything I do, do you think? I debated letting him see my calendar, but it’s just so convenient to schedule dates and hang-out times when he knows exactly what’s going on, when, and where. I’ve said before that I also don’t expect or necessarily want him to do everything I do either. I don’t want him to feel bad or guilty for not being there, since he seems really set on being a good boyfriend.

Re: alone time — I think since I’m so busy with so many things, he has a lot of time to himself throughout the week, but should I not assume that? With some of my other friends, we have a system going where we just send each other a kind of “leave me alone” text, if we need time alone, no questions asked. Maybe that would work out for us.

Maybe you should have this conversation with him and see where it leads. Could be beneficial for both of you.

@Oneiros:
I’ve asked him, but he couldn’t give me much of any explanation. He’s been in 1 relationship so far, and even though he seems OK in most things, he can’t seem to talk about himself much (or at all), and has admitted that he can’t really see what or how the relationship could progress at all — he’s basically taking it as it comes.

I’m a planner. So even if I don’t personally mind that he’s doing that, I would like to keep some things in mind as I’m going along. I’ve already picked up some things, but I don’t want to keep on asking questions about himself if it makes him uncomfortable or if he doesn’t know what to say.

@Dantac:
Yeah, I’m worried that he’ll try to keep up JUST to make me happy.

Sitting down and physically doing a schedule together sounds like a good idea! I hadn’t thought of that. I’m kind of at a different place in my life than he is because most of my activities are activities I need to do for my career and school. He also doesn’t have a schedule. We might not end up having a lot of room to manuever, but there will be a physical proof that I don’t care if he doesn’t follow my own schedule, we could just have our own. :)

Thanks!