Could you help me with this?

Post Reply New Topic

One of my friends who has aspergers was moaning too me yesterday about this girl he liked and he said

"in january this girl approached me and we started having a conversation. i could tell she really found me too be physically attractive i talked too her for about a month after we met for the first time.... after a while though she become disinterested and stopped talking too me in the lessons we shared at college."

"i expected her too ask me out on a date but she never did? Why did she not ask me out i am confused? She was really into me so logically she should asked me out? "


this has happened too one or 2 other girls who has expressed interest in him





Could you help me perhaps answer some of my friends questions? like many aspies he's shy, poor social skills, awkward and is not good at reading body language.

Last edited by Jamesy on 19 Sep 2012, 10:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

The answer is: he should have asked HER out on a date. She was waiting for him to make his move for a whole month, and when he didn't she assumed he wasn't interested in her that way.

But she approached him first so surely that would have indicated that she would have been the one too ask him out first. girls don't usually approach a guy they like initially do they?

She was waiting for him to ask her out. I doesn't matter who approached who first, I'm sure she was expecting him to ask her out and when he didn't, she moved on.

This probably will not be of much signifigance but when my friend met her for the first time it was in the college parking lot and she said too him "my dad can't pick me up are you going too the train station" and my friend "yeah i am" and she replied "can i walk with you too the station"

she recognised my friend from one her classes

To play Devil's Advocate, I had a similar thing happen to me and even my Aspie father told me it was obvious she wanted a date and was waiting for my move. Granted, I SHOULD have made the first move but to be fair I didn't because a)her sister, whom I knew quite well never once hinted she liked me and b)when I had her over to my place (work social event with 10 other people) she was polite but never mentioned it afterwards and stuck to her sister like glue. I even invited her to talk in the corner and she didn't jump at the chance. She probably was interested but it's simply too much for an Aspie to handle.

My friend tells me he suffers from social anxiety also

You should get your friend to sign up to WP.
Your friend should have asked her out, she was waiting to be asked out.
It doesn't matter how right or wrong your friend feels that is, depending on the situation one or the other has to take the initiative and in this case it was expected of your friend to make the move. This is college, and unfortunately such gender role stereotyping is commonplace there with things like dating.

Yeah, it seem like girls, for all the advances they have made in the workplace, still want to be the ones asked out. Obviously this is easier said than done, but unfortunately if your friend wants a date, he will probably have to figure out a way to start asking girls out.

Tell your friend that love and dating often involve very little logic. Also, he has no idea what is going on in this other person's life. She may have personal issues that have changed her focus in life.

Personally, for my experience on the spectrum, the Aspie is probably better off waiting for a girl to show interest in them instead of making any attempts to talk to people they might be interested in (infatuation and anxiety put together sometimes cloud the aspie's judgement). I never really found it hard to detect interest as I am able to pick up on some of those cues. However, I have found that 99% of the time and only if I was interested as well that I asked them out. Only once did the other person ask me out and for some reason she asked me out after five minutes of talking to me. I thought it was strange, but I had nothing better to do that day.