How do I calm myself over certain physical traits?

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MusicalCat
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13 Sep 2012, 11:21 pm

Alright, I don't want to be shallow or wrong by telling this. The situation is, throughout middle school, I had a crush on a girl with very curly natural light blonde hair, blue eyes, a perfect face shape and figure to me. I know blonde hair and blue eyes are a recessive trait, so unless I'm talking meeting her again, I am narrowing down to an extremely narrow, close to 0% of the world's population, more so if I include the other traits I mentioned. I often dismiss the claims that my mother tries to make about natural blondes existing in my area and that there are "plenty of them", but I'm not buying it and it frustrates her and father. I'm not shallow, nor am I exclusive on this trait, but I want to see another girl looking almost EXACTLY like her and acts in the same manner (I liked her attitude) at least ONCE in my entire life. What is wrong with me? Since then, I mostly thought about her when thinking of girls, even creeped her Facebook photos from time to time. I feel extremely narrow and that God punished me by letting me see an attractive female with no comparison whatsoever and taking her away from me.



charlulz
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13 Sep 2012, 11:44 pm

I've honestly been going through the same thing right now, we were close friends a while ago and then out of the blue i lost complete contact with her. I cannot bring myself to finding anybody else attractive anymore.



A_floating_moon
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14 Sep 2012, 4:42 am

I'm in a similar position in that I have a concept of what I want my future boyfriend to look like. I think at least part of it is deep down in me pretty deep, like the way I want a face to be shaped. But also, I always wonder if some of it has to do with my first real love. My love was the music, but the guy who sang the songs had a face that I really like to this day.

And then, I'm also drawn to the blonde hair and baby-blue eyes. One of my first crushes had blonde hair. (Though I feel there's more to it than that because I have blue eyes and blonde hair myself and picking the hardest thing to get is just something I would do.) However, I rarely see a guy that is both good looking and has those traits. If I found one, the chances that he'd want an antisocial weirdo like me seem slim...

But, I'm not so stuck to the blonde hair that I couldn't go for something else. Same with face shape to an extent. And.. I guess I could go for any eye color realistically, though light blue eyes like mine seem kind of cold. Heh...
Once I get to know someone and really like them, they don't really look physically better of course, but it seems like they do just knowing what's underneath the surface.

Oh, and I 'have' seen many natural blondes around where I live. Maybe you need to look around more? And you really can't expect to find her clone out there. (And are you sure she didn't have really unattractive flaws that you just aren't aware of?) Keep giving more girls a chance and you might be surprised and find a new favorite type of girl? Or you'll figure out that there's more than one girl out there for you.



PTSmorrow
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14 Sep 2012, 9:14 am

Happened to me more than two years ago and not only did she have the perfect look and perfect hands -- the latter playing an comprehensively important role for me -- but also a certain something beyond appearance, something that can't be grasped and explained.

Since then i met five or so others who actually met the criteria as far as the look goes, like hair, color of eyes, perfectly manicured hands and so on, but with none of them anything happened because they were not the one. They were more or less like her, but i'd say they didn't have her particular vibration, though i'm well aware that this is a fairly clumsy expression but i guess you know what i mean.

You wouldn't find the same in another person because it also takes certain circumstances and conditions and more often than not you're better off with dreaming about the one and only than wasting your time with substitutes.

Anyway, good luck
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MusicalCat
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14 Sep 2012, 1:54 pm

I just needed help because I was depressed that natural blondes made 1% of the entire world. How measley... Then again, I suppose it's only proportionate to skin color.



izzeme
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14 Sep 2012, 2:02 pm

this is pretty normal; if was how your first crush looked like, meaning you will always have a special appriciation for this combination of physical traits, kind of a reverst post-traumatic stress disorder.
as long as these traits aren't exclusive to feeling attracion, there is nothing wrong with having them, everyone has a 'preferred type' like that, yet very few end up dating this 'perfect person'



Rocky
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15 Sep 2012, 12:41 pm

1- There is no god.
2- Try to appreciate that you were fortunate to be born at all into this non perfect world.
3- Try to make the most of it.

Most people end up compromising on this type of issue. Most people have an image of the perfect mate, often a celebrity they will never meet. Those who do manage to meet, date and marry this human fetish, discover that in other ways (besides looks), they were not perfect after all. The good news is that by not meeting them, you can maintain the illusion of the perfect partner and use this fantasy while engaging with real people. Many people fantasize about their ideal even in the act of making love with their real world partner. Fantasy can be great, as long as it doesn't keep you from engaging with real people.

As far as finding a real world partner with those traits: Move to a part of the world where that is common. I understand Minnesota has a large percentage of the population who are Scandinavian, for example.


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Blixten
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19 Sep 2012, 10:20 am

MusicalCat wrote:
I know blonde hair and blue eyes are a recessive trait, so unless I'm talking meeting her again, I am narrowing down to an extremely narrow, close to 0% of the world's population,


Lol wait, what!? What are you talking about? 8O Haha. Move to skandinavia!
Also, are you sure you're not just obsessing over this one girl. I've never heard about anyone experiencing this kind of issue, so that was my first thought.



Mego
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19 Sep 2012, 11:44 am

Guys tend to be this way. I am not surprised. However, I knew a guy who changed if he got hooked on a particular girl. Example: He really likes a red head after a long period of brunettes and now all of a sudden he likes ALL red heads. This kind of thinking can get you into trouble. Lets say you meet an attractive blonde that kind of resembles your first love (directed to the OP) and because you are making an association to original girl (who was decent) you might end up missing and rationalizing away new girls abusive behaviors. Plus, you might end up closing doors on others who could be more your match.



MXH
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19 Sep 2012, 2:01 pm

Blixten wrote:
MusicalCat wrote:
I know blonde hair and blue eyes are a recessive trait, so unless I'm talking meeting her again, I am narrowing down to an extremely narrow, close to 0% of the world's population,


Lol wait, what!? What are you talking about? 8O Haha. Move to skandinavia!
Also, are you sure you're not just obsessing over this one girl. I've never heard about anyone experiencing this kind of issue, so that was my first thought.


after living in finland for a year i agree with this.