Never even sat with a girl at lunch what can I do?

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atdevel
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20 Sep 2012, 10:35 pm

I'm 20, and I never have hung out with a girl. I always try to come up to them but they make excuses about being busy. I've worked with them on projects and tried joining clubs with lots of girls but they aren't interested in me and I don't know why. How am I ever supposed to have a girlfriend in the future or find love.

I once tried to sit next to a girl (and her male platonic friend) I worked on a project with at lunch. She just looked at me so I walked away. This was a girl I worked on a project with so I didn't think it mattered, but she abandoned me on the project after that, and it took me an extra month to finish the project.

Should I go to Asia to find girls to hang out with?



JNathanK
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20 Sep 2012, 10:58 pm

Well, f**k her then. If she doesn't like you, go find someone else to sit witth. I never had a problem sitting with girls. You just gotta be their friends and not come off as needy or anything. Its just like hanging out with guys in a lot of ways. Just talk about whatever.



1000Knives
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20 Sep 2012, 11:27 pm

Become more attractive looking. Easiest way. I get a lot more smiles and conversations from girls at a more muscular 195lbs than I did at a flabby 230. I can give all kinds of psychobabble advice, but basically, physical attraction will at least help you get your foot in the door with women. It tends to create a cycle of confidence, girls like you better for being good looking, they talk to you more and smile at you more, then you feel better about yourself, and find it easier to be a bit more flirty, ie, say hi, wave to them, etc, but without a catalyst it's sorta hard to just dig up confidence from nowhere.

Otherwise, besides that, when talking to girls, you have to do this weird paradigm where "Oh, I'm only talking with the most attractive girl on the planet, but I have to act completely normal and not recognize this fact and pretend she's one of the guys while not actually talking to her like I do any of my male friends." Then you have to make your intentions clear about liking her, while not saying it too soon, or else you'll be considered needy (unless you're hot, of course) or else you'll get "friendzoned" or she'll just not talk to you. But you can't just make your intentions clear at the getgo unless of course you're Fabio.

You have to sorta not care. It's weird. I've noticed I've gotten my best responses from girls when I was either "punch drunk" from like, not sleeping, or on a bunch of energy drinks and had zero anxiety at all and didn't think about what was going on and just in a rare moment "let things flow."

So overall, I'd say the easiest solution is become Fabio and walk around not caring about anything. Good luck.



RICKY5
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21 Sep 2012, 12:07 am

atdevel wrote:
I'm 20, and I never have hung out with a girl. I always try to come up to them but they make excuses about being busy. I've worked with them on projects and tried joining clubs with lots of girls but they aren't interested in me and I don't know why. How am I ever supposed to have a girlfriend in the future or find love.

I once tried to sit next to a girl (and her male platonic friend) I worked on a project with at lunch. She just looked at me so I walked away. This was a girl I worked on a project with so I didn't think it mattered, but she abandoned me on the project after that, and it took me an extra month to finish the project.

Should I go to Asia to find girls to hang out with?


Go to Thailand but HOLD ON TO YOUR WALLET! LOL



AliceInAspieland
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21 Sep 2012, 4:19 am

As a girl who is socially awkward. Especially around people that I find attractive. Perhaps try and find a common interest, like a hobby or same degree/class. I suppose that way at least you've got something to talk about.

Also I've got a habit of not appearing to be that outwardly emotional. Maybe you're the same, so girls don't know that you like spending time with them.

Good luck.



Duncan
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22 Sep 2012, 1:12 pm

Sounds to me you have some anxiety issues with professional help ( if needed), work out the source of the anxiety and try to find a way to move beyond it.

It won't be easy or quick but you'll get there if you put the work in. :D



wtfid2
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22 Sep 2012, 8:33 pm

atdevel wrote:
I'm 20, and I never have hung out with a girl. I always try to come up to them but they make excuses about being busy. I've worked with them on projects and tried joining clubs with lots of girls but they aren't interested in me and I don't know why. How am I ever supposed to have a girlfriend in the future or find love.

I once tried to sit next to a girl (and her male platonic friend) I worked on a project with at lunch. She just looked at me so I walked away. This was a girl I worked on a project with so I didn't think it mattered, but she abandoned me on the project after that, and it took me an extra month to finish the project.

Should I go to Asia to find girls to hang out with?
you are one of the unlucky few; welcome to the club. You can build all the muscles you want be as tall as you want, talk to as may girls as you want, but if you are like me it won't matter...you will end up with zero poonony. I work out for myself though.


_________________
AQ 25

Your Aspie score: 101 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 111 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits