Grrrr. Stupid social awkwardness...

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Okay, so: I'm at my role-playing club's Christmas do last Friday (a much better place to socialise than my work Christmas do, as far as I'm concerned, since I loathe most of my workmates and dread the prospect of having to make meaningless small talk with them. At least with my friends I can talk geek stuff and not sound like an ultra-nerd), and I meet an apparently nice girl called Laura. She's cute - bob haircut, wireframe glasses, slightly pouty lips... you know the type - and seems quite friendly (for the brief time that we talked, anyway).

Unfortunately, I didn't say a damn thing else to her for fear of but two things: making an ass of myself by gawping, or stepping on some other guy (or worse, girl)'s toes.

Gah. Why can't I take that last step unless it's to drop myself right into horrid embarrassment?

There is no easy answer to this
my usual tactic is to hang around their general area and hope they make the move
Its not a highly sucesful tactic so I wouldnt recomend it
but at least know your among other failures

This is the story of my life. I'm ok at having good relationships with people as casual acquaintances but I can never go that extra step. I just don't know how to steer the conversation that way. I really wish it were easier too.

Any chance of running into her again? It's hard to get a number or something like that the first time you meet someone anyway which sucks if you don't have much chance of seeing them again.

I dunno... I could probably corner the girl most likely to be her buddy next week (we didn't get much of a chance to chat this week, but we're pretty friendly when we do. Having said that, the girl in question is pretty friendly with everybody - especially if they have chocolate - so that's cool) and ask her then. We'll see, I guess.

I shan't hang too many hopes on it, though. At the very least, I've learned that that is never a good idea...

You know what you need then, chocolate!

thank you councilor Troi and if any of you Sci fi got that, let me know.


my advice is just to go with your natural instincts and talk to her.

Well, my problem is that I completly lack any "natural" instinct of the social kind.
But succes to the thread starter. Just remember to not wait too long, or you'll be in the awkward "friends zone".
Bend the iron when it's hot

When you see her again, try talking to her and build a mutual relationship from there. As an Aspie from the other side of the pond, try to see if any of her interests match yours.

Unfortunately, my natural instincts are usually to run and hide.

Besides which... from the sounds of things, she's married. A natural talent of mine seems to be that I start liking women who are already in relationships... or gay

what's wrong with liking gay girls? They can't be all THAT bad.

So even if she's married, still be friends with her. you don't know that she's actually married...maychance be rumor.

it shouldn't matter if you're socially inept, you need to find the strength to talk and to be sociable. not just you Sinister, but all those who have AS.

I learned this at a young age, (11) that's why I can pass as NT, because I've walked the line of both worlds for many years, and I find that if I think NT all the time, it helps, I never completly think AS anymore, I find it totally........too logical. though sometimes I do find that if I do double perspective it's a good thing.

Oh, of course not - in fact, the person I would consider my closest friend at the moment is a gay girl, and I absolutely adore her. She's very fond of me, too, from the sounds of things...



True. I wouldn't bet the farm on it, though.



The funny thing is, I can be sociable if I try hard enough - the desire to go off and be by myself is a bit strong sometimes, but I think I can manage it these days. Mostly, anyway... I avoided the office Christmas party this year because I knew I'd prefer alone-time to trying to fit in there.



I can pass for NT - if a little on the odd side - if I try, I think. Although on balance, sometimes I'd prefer not to...

Look at it this way Mr.Sinister.You never know unless you give it a go.What is worse?Not having a friend,being lonely.Or being embarassed.Only you can way that one up.I see that you both get into role-playing games.There is a common interest I am sure that you can talk about.Here is a tip-everyone really likes to be complimented.If you dress-up try complimenting her on her costume.In life, if you wait for everyone else to make the first move there will be so many opportunities and possibily great friendships that you will miss out on.Which equals a lonely existance.Try not to worry to much about what other people might think.No-one can control what other people think.They are going to think what they want anyway.Best of luck.Goldie-06.

From the sound of things, the happiness you are pursuing {or is that stalking?} is either engaged to an NT or knows you have AS & wants to take advantage of you. Lay low for now and see what happens.