too desperate for love

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Hi. Have I ever told you how I got rejected every time since high school? It started when I develop crushes in fictional people (anime, TV) in elementary and middle school. In high school, I started developing crushes in real boys. One ran away from me, and many already have girlfriends. Even in college, everyone is taken. I found out from my mom that I was too desperate for a boyfriend. She told me to work one myself before thinking about guys. The reason I got rejected by guys is because I was desperate and too boy-crazy.

Any comments?

I can tell you this, your better off. i dont mean it in a mean and insulting way. i am single myself and sometimes i just think about all the times i was hanging with girls and one was a crush on me. but i didnt wanna deal with her. so dont worry, having a guy doesnt mean its better. its more like getting you to make him you. imagine carrying a torch and the flame is not there. the guy is the flame. the stick is the body. without that flame, the stick is not worth having. you can always message me on here if you wanna.

the likely reasons the ones in relationships rejected you is they're in a relationship.

as for being too desperate that depends on the person. some like me like somewhat clingy women. others don't.

depends on if they want a dependent or independent person. personally I don't understand independent relationships where the couple hardly talks to each other for weeks or months. that drives me crazy.

I've been rejected once, but most of the time I let the guy ask me out so I don't come across as desperate.

I think you just have not found the right person. If you realize that the right person will come along then possibly you might not feel so pressured and come across as desperate.

First rule of relationships: if you're gonna hit on her don't be passive because you'll be sending mixed signals and she won't understand your intentions.

"You can always message me on here if you wanna"-- just isn't going to cut it.

Have some gusto: "I read some of your previous posts and think you've got a gorgeous personality. I'd like to chat you up, can I private message YOU?"

To the OP: many NT men have to be the aggressor, it's part of "the game". If you're chasing them they feel emasculated and therefore have no interest. I know it's the 21st century and all, but NTs still run on animal instincts and therefore the game should most likely be played the way they prefer: look confident and pretty and they will approach you. It's ridiculous and shallow in my opinion but it's the world we live in. You could also try online dating as an alternative.

but guys do the same thing. so people don't' date.

I will never admit that I was desperate because I felt I never was. I will admit I was a little desperate with friendships, but not with relationships.

Desperate means you would date ANYONE or settle for ANYONE that you can. This was never me.

During my high school years I have had a ridiculously high amount of crushes and failed attempts. Never out of desperateness, but out of eagerness.

I have liked about THIRTY EIGHT different girls and tried to go after all of them. Obviously some crushes were stronger than others.

Sometimes I failed because I was just too shy to say a single word to them, sometimes they already had a boyfriend, sometimes they were lesbian/bisexual, sometimes I could actually end up being their friend but only their friend, etc.

The best I have ever done is I asked out one girl in the 10th grade only to get rejected.

And just recently there is this girl I have had strong feelings for for a long time. We went on three dates together before she had to tell me she is bisexual but really does NOT want a boyfriend right now but a girlfriend.

About 2.5 months later and now she does like guys enough again to want a boyfriend, it's just she can only see ME as a friend....f*ck. And she doesn't want to date anyone at the time because she feels it would be unfair that she cannot spend time with them (she is always busy and never has free time anymore).

There's NOTHING wrong with being just a LITTLE enthusiastic about the opposite sex, ESPECIALLY during high school.

Maybe you were desperate, maybe you weren't. Ask yourself the question: Did you WANT a relationship with boys at that age, or did you feel like you NEEDED one?

If you don't need it but want it, you're not desperate.

What your mother said is true - you need to work on yourself first, your own friendships, hobbies and interests, your own life, etc.

Well, I HAVE done that. I am more than ready for a relationship. And I'm sure plenty other aspies here have too but are still lonely and sad.

The problem is ALL of my interest are inside stuff that means I NEVER really meet ANYONE.

I am an amateur musician and it has not helped me make friends or meet anyone. EVERY DAY I'm sitting behind my computer making electro stuff with my computer and keyboard.

What good will it bring me if I spend all my time cooped up in my room, studying for school or working on my music or writing on the computer?

This DOES NOT HELP YOU MEET ANYONE.

Sure, I've got my life together, but having your life together DOES NOT HELP YOU MEET ANYONE.

YOU need to sort out your own life first, and THEN actually MAKE AN EFFORT to go out into the world, do things, and meet people, because sorting out your own life DOES NOT HELP YOU MEET ANYONE.

If your favorite thing to do is sit around at home playing video games all day by yourself, IT DOES NOT HELP YOU MEET ANYONE.

If all you do is go to work, talk to no one, go home and watch tv, repeat, IT DOES NOT HELP YOU MEET ANYONE.

Even if you like to go outside and play sports or gym or go out and have fun in town after school/work, if you do not try to talk to anyone and do everything alone, IT DOES NOT HELP YOU MEET ANYONE.

My advice is:

Do not be desperate, never be desperate, but MAKE AN EFFORT. MAKE AN EFFORT. MAKE AN EFFORT. And MAKE AN EFFORT.

I'm only young so maybe I'm just inexperienced about this stuff but I still want to say what I can.

I have fairly good social skills for an aspie and fit in very well. I did not do this by spending all my high school years never talking to anyone like some aspies do.

I've had about 23 failed attempts at creating friendships with another person, and 38 failed attempts at getting a girlfriend, but I learned from my mistakes and now I'm successful.Happy, in good shape, great hobbies, etc.

61 failed attempts, and what has this gotten me?

I only really have FIVE true friends that I genuinely care about and value. 61 failures for 5 successes...

Anyway, that's my story, hope someone can get something from it.

Don't be desperate, but make an effort. This is like one of my life motto's, really.

I'm the same way you are. I was pretty desperate when I met my 2nd & current girlfriend on here. I was alot more attracted to desperateness in women even thou those two women weren't desperate themselves.

think theres dependent people and independent people. just now adays people are more indpendent and dont' really desire/need a relationship. probably explains while they treat them like a business now.

dependent is now viewed as evil and wrong. but 40 years ago most people were dependent relationships. now its fine to go weeks or months without talking to your spouse. anything else is clingy.

i assume you have at least had a boyfriend before, and being needy, desperate is much worse if you are a guy, so be glad you are a girl in this department.

You just need to find a desperate guy who wont reject your advances. Go to Comic-Con and pic up guys there.

OMG you have the best profile pick ever!

Women are allowed to be desperate, men are not

Thank you for your comments. My advice is to work on yourself and be confident. And no, I don't have a real boyfriend, and never had one.

Having a imaginary relationship can be pretty amazing too, especially if there is some real basis with a nice person you have a crush on.

Besides, I never talked to girls in elementary school or college, but I had two pretty amazing crushes with mutual interest back then.

hugs