Adoption

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I'm 19 and never kissed. Should I consider adoption? I know I seem young but with every year that passes the possibility of getting a girlfriend seems less and less as my brain hardens. I'm angry at my parents for not emphasizing the importance of social skills.

adopting a child?
you're 19

First, 19 is too young to adopt a child. Think about that in your late twenties if at all.

Second, you're college age, plenty of people are still going through their first relationships by college. Life isn't over, you're still young and date-able for at least another 10 years.

Third, half of finding a spouse is based on self-esteem. Go to the gym occasionally, if you can. And keep your hygiene up, it makes a world of difference in personal confidence and appeal to women.

Fourth, I don't understand what you mean by "brain hardens", but I assume you mean to say that after x age, you stop being able to change your brain. Having invested a lot of interest in the psychology of success, I can tell you that's 100% false. Every modern scientist agrees that throughout your life you can change and train the brain at any time if you put time and effort into it. Search "neuroplasticity" on google and you'll see some extraordinary stories about it. I know it's much more difficult for people with AS to build up their social skills, but if you find the right friends, and the right girl, you'd be surprised how much you can improve.

Adoption isn't easy because of all the red tape you have to go through. You also have to impress the birth parents so they can select you as their child's parent and I read that most of them are picky. If you have a very good income, then your luck is high. Plus it can take years for you to adopt and sometimes the birth mother can take her baby back after she has it because she decides she wants to try raising it. Plus they may prefer a married couple to adopt. I am sure single people can still adopt but it may be harder for them. Plus it's expensive but adopting through foster care is the cheapest, only several thousand dollars. Sorry for the negativity but it's what I have read when I was looking into it too. I also now it's not like what you see in the movies where if you want a child, you just go to a place where there are kids who have no parents and pick one to adopt and take home. I don't even know if such places still exist in the USA.


But it's still up to you. I would start looking into it so you know how it's done and what to expect. I was disappointed in what I learned about it. But at least I learned adopting is not simple so telling someone to just adopt is not good advice.

You're a single male. Why the hell would you wanna raise a kid if you don't have to?

More importantly, why aren't you working on getting a girl instead of worrying about adoption? It's like you want to skip a step.

I think you should wait until at-least your early 40s, before considering it again TBH, you're still young, and have plenty of time to meet a girl you want to have children with .

I'd say you adopt when you want to. Don't wait for a girl.

1. Woman are adopting kids/ going to spermbanks while they are single. Why shouldn't men (adopt, not go to a sperm bank).

2. Yea its hard to adopt, but for pete sake if gay couples can adopt then that shouldn't stop you from trying!

3. A single guy who adopted his own kid? And therefor will not pressure a girl to have a kid from her? Hell thats going to be very sexy to women who already have their own kid and/or divorced.

It sounds like you want a kid more then a wife?
There are plenty of parenting books, you don't need a wife if all you is a child!

Dear, I know things seem hopeless now but you still have your entire twenties ahead of you, and not having a relationship until college is actually quite common. As it so happens I happen to be my girlfriend's first kiss, and she's a sophomore in college, just turned 20 this year. She was kind of a shut-in in high school, but going to college allowed her to enjoy certain freedoms that were impossible for her in HS. And just between you and me, I happen to love her very much, and I'm a caring guy who is very understanding and patient. IMHO she lucked out finding me on her first attempt at romance.


That said, everyone's story is different, but the fact of the matter is you are just starting out into the real world, so don't obsess over these things. If you try too hard you'll only drive people away. You're making it sound like you're a Christmas cake, but generally speaking that threshold isn't until 30 at the least.

So why don't you go out and just have fun without worrying, and maybe you'll find someone, yeah? We'll reconvene in 10 years and discuss things then.