Anyone other Aspies not happy about their virginity?
I've been new to the dating world since I was 21 and I'm 23 now. I've been hit on several times in high school, but at that time I was not interested at all in a relationship. Ever since I started dating I've become hell bent on this subject because I feel like a social outcast on Facebook and also because of a surreal nightmare that I was in my 70s and on my death bed looking back at my wasted life: still a virgin, never been married, no kids, no social life. I've had a friend promise to help me out but to no avail. I just want to know so I don't feel like I'm the only one who feels this way.
Oh believe me...
There are TONS of people in this world, some which are Aspies, a bunch of those which are on this board.. You can bet your ass that every single one of them are either thinking this exact thing or lying about it. I think it's just a normal thing to constantly worry about love and relationships and to do obscene things to get into eachother's pants xD Especially with us guys.. We're a traveling circus hoping for a woman to pop into our tent and sample our peanuts!
Just kidding, But you're not alone man. I'm not worried about my virginity but I understand the want to get that over with. I've been told that you should just get rid of that because if you finally find a girl to put up wi-that likes you. You might ruin the relationship by your first time being a couple minutes long and horrible. But then again all my advice comes from women who are VERY superficial..
- Troy teh comp-u-tater guy
I suggest you focus on something else, I'm having the same issue and it's like trying to fly a plane that hasn't got an engine.
It's either adapt or die.
If you want to appear attractive, I would suggest trying to hit the gym daily and try to find a decent fancy and extremely well paid job.
As shallow and simplistic as it sounds.
(I dunno, I seem to be having some off days that make me sound like a sour butthole and I'm hoping it would be over soon. So I'm sorry if I come over offensive)
It's either adapt or die.
If you want to appear attractive, I would suggest trying to hit the gym daily and try to find a decent fancy and extremely well paid job.
As shallow and simplistic as it sounds.
(I dunno, I seem to be having some off days that make me sound like a sour butthole and I'm hoping it would be over soon. So I'm sorry if I come over offensive)
This is what I'm talking about ^ at first he tells you to think of something else, then he continues to tell you ways you can get a girl an alternate way xD One big circus I tell you! Even when we're trying to think of "other" things, We're still working our assess off to impress any girl round the way.
Tsproggy's got style.
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- Troy teh comp-u-tater guy
If I dated a guy who was a virgin, it would not ruin the relationship if the first time was horrible. I would expect that he wouldn't last long and that would be okay. And, there is nothing saying we couldn't do it a second time.
You know with the Internet at your disposal, there are plenty of resources out there to help you with this if you are truly unhappy with your virginity. I doubt you're going to be 70 and still a virgin unless you CHOOSE to do so. Worst case scenario, you'll end up getting lap dances from strippers and banging cougars/hookers who will have sex with you because you're young. If you go to Vegas, all you have to do is sit at a bar and drink; no approach required!
SanityTheorist
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Means the first time will be really special for you the first time since it won't be like most: drunk teenage sex in order to manipulate someone (for women) or to satisfy a cruel urge (men).
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I can understand some might feel inadequate due to lack of experience when approaching someone, but as long as that person isn't a superficial bimbo I'm sure they would be understanding. Heck, some women would probably be relieved at the fact you haven't had multiple sexual partners which can be pretty common now, and gross. Don't let it question your standing in society in any way. The idea that a high amount of sexual partners you have had makes you a "real man" is the idea of the moronic and shallow.
equestriatola
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Location: Half of me is in the Washington state, the other Los Angeles.
When I was and had a none virgin boyfriend I constantly felt pressure to have sex with him. Even though he never pressured me, him talking about the amazing sex he had with his first.
After I did lose it, I lost that pressure, but I felt awful about having lost it before I was ready/wanted to.
Please don't pressure your girlfriend/boyfriend to have sex. It will eventually break the relationship.
This applies to me as well, one of my friends said back in February if I didn't lose it by the fall and she wasn't in a relationship by then, she would do it. I haven't asked her if she's still gonna follow through but she has re-assured me before that she would two months after but also said that summer was a good time to lose it. I didn't have a job or money and didn't really do much at all this summer so that went right out the window. I'll have to see whether she actually follows through but I won't hold my breath.
It would be awesome though, cuz she's really ridiculously hot and probably one of the only girls I know that I genuinely trust and feel safe around because we've already gone through a few trust things where I made her angry and she handled herself more maturely with me than she does with other people and I'm like 80% sure she thinks I'm cute too.
I've also done research on the topic of whether or not it improves confidence when you lose your virginity and most of the time it's always girls saying how they wish they'd waited or that they were so happy they did it with the right one. But as for guys, if they weren't wasted or doing an ugly girl when they did it, they said life totally improved for them in all aspects, sex was no longer a mythologized kind of thing where it seemed like it was unobtainable, and interactions with women in every way all improve as well(some women said likewise with men when they lost theirs). Some guys also said that it felt like other people started to take them more seriously who didn't before and they felt less shy and more manly, it just seems to generally change your world as a guy. Then again, this is NTs saying it, and like so many other things they experience things on a different level from us but I'm sure much of it stays relatable
After I did lose it, I lost that pressure, but I felt awful about having lost it before I was ready/wanted to.
Please don't pressure your girlfriend/boyfriend to have sex. It will eventually break the relationship.
I never pressured gf's to have sex. I waited until the usual third date to ask the question, but the last gf I had was rarely interested in anything I bring up (not to mention, she lived a two hour drive away from me). I'm relying on friends to be my wingman/woman to help me out.
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Also be thankful you didn't lose it when you were a teenager and the daughters parents walked in.
I've also known plenty of guys who lost it at a horrible age (10 and he was being used), before they were ready, or who were even raped.
I even knew a guy who lost it to a girl he didn't even know the name of cause they had smoked laced weed at a ice skating ring parking lot.
I cried when I lost it (too early) and so did the boy I lost it to (when he had lost it at a younger age then me).
Boys are just as suspecable too being affected in a bad way from losing their virginity.
I know a gay boy who was raped by three different boyfriends.
So stop f*****g complaining. And please do not go talking about these boys stories. I only told them to you so can see you are indeed, lucky. You pretty much have a straight shot at a special first time. As long as you choose a special gal.
And just think, you can keep having your fantasies about how great sex is.
Cause when it actually happens you will most like: ew that was awkward. Maybe even turned off from having it again for awhile.
And you don't have to worry about getting STD's, or buying condoms, or getting a girl preggers before you are ready to have a kid.
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