Someone unlike any other

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Have any of you all ever meet someone who seems to be unlike any other person you've ever meet? What does it meen. I used to feel like no one ever got me, no one saw me. Then I meet someone that seemed to understand the things about me I didn't. Fear of rejection prevented me from going forward. Time past. Couldn't forget the person. Did the obsession thing. Tried letting go of everything to forget. All the things that now seem pointless and hollow. I can deal with just about any situation now. When you expect great things and don't act on them they crush you until you become nothing but a shell of the person you once were. I did some pretty desperate things. Letters with all or nothing undertones left in family members mailboxes in the night. It doesn't help that I am pretty much a virgin. Attempt sex (awkwardly) with both sexes with no climax (this is after I meet her and let go of living for awhile). Recently I've been calling her and we are finally talking a bit. Now it seems like I'm just forcing this. Like I took a great thing, maybe the greatest thing in life and spoiled it. I still feel like she is something special. And in a way that most people don't fully appreciate. She said she enjoys talking with me. She also said I scared her sometimes. She too talks herself out of a lot of things. I honestly think we could help each other. Challenge each other. Compliment each other. I'm not sure if this pull I feel is just my desperate fantasy force onto another human being or something more I can't explain. And if its the latter and I can't experience it I don't think I'll be able to take life seriously anymore. I'd fall back into feeling like life is just a cruel joke and force my sad cynical view on to anyone that tries to help. No one ever reached me but her. She pulled me through. Maybe thats the myth I've made my self to believe. I can't much remember who I was before I met her. I don't know how to tell her this without feeling like a total ass. I feel like If I tell her this I will have nowhere to hide. I'll be completely vunerable and she'd have absolute contol over me. Not to mention the potential rejection. What to do. I know it probably seem like I've done this on here before. But I talked to her this weekend and I'm trying to line up something for next weekend.

These Walls by Dream Theater sums it up pretty good.

This is so hard for me
To find the words to say
My thoughts are standing still

Captive inside of me
All emotions start to hide
And nothing's getting through

Watch me
Fading
I'm losing
All my instincts
Falling into darkness

Tear down these walls for me
Stop me from going under
You are the only one who knows
I'm holding back

It's not too late for me
To keep from sinking further
I'm trying to find my way out
Tear down these walls for me now

So much uncertainty
I don't like this feeling
I'm sinking like a stone

Each time I try to speak
There's a voice I'm hearing
And it changes everything

Watch me
Crawl from
The wreckage
Of my silence
Conversation
Failing

Tear down these walls for me
Stop me from going under
You are the only one who knows
I'm holding back

It's not too late for me
To keep from sinking further
I'm trying to find my way out
Tear down these walls

Every time you choose to turn away
Is it worth the price you pay
Is there someone who will wait for you
One more time
One more time

Watch me
Fading
I'm losing
All my instincts
Falling into darkness

Tear down these walls for me
Stop me from going under
You are the only one who knows
I'm holding back

It's not too late for me
To keep from sinking further
I'm trying to find my way out
Tear down these walls for me now

Tear down these walls for me
It's not too late for me
Tear down these walls for me

so I cooled down a little bit. Still feel a some thing for that particular girl. Started hanging with another girl. Can make it seem anything but awkward while with her. 32 year old massage therapist. She still calls cause i'm 23 and good looking according to her. She's a little too new age for me. Don't get me wrong I'm more open than most, but still skeptical. I went up to the down where the other girl live a few weekends ago. Meloncollie and moody music drive filled the time while I waited. Stop one one of the drives and walked around the shores of superior drinking makers mark. Missed her call while wollowing. Tried calling back when I saw I missed it. Didn't here back until I was back in my home town to see a friend that called me. Actually got the call 5 minutes after I meet up with the friend. Went out to the bar and in all that meet the 32 year old. Life is tricky to decifer sometimes. Should I keep on or is life trying take me somewhere else? Do I have to meet this girl in person and let it flow when it comes? Damn gnosticism. The search for meaning is bottomless pit. It kills the time nicely though. Please give advice. Much thanks ahead of time. Guidance or a virtual slap in the face, anything, give me perspective.

Your as likely to get good advice from one of those "magic 8 balls" as anyone on here....I have never had psychic abilities but I have had "people obsessions".I never knew if these "obsessions" were real or my way of keeping from having a real relationship with people who were right in front of me.I still dont really know.....Every time I had the opportunity to act on these obsessions,I have done so.Even when it meant ending a "sure thing" relationship I was in or having to relocate.I have never taken these obsessions lightly,afraid of missing a chance at being with a "soul mate"....I never wanted to seatle and never did.I dont regret pursueing any of these relationships....they taught me a lot and was the only way for me to "get over" the obsession,so that when I finnally met my "soul mate"....I wasnt still fawning over the person that "might have been".....The longest relationship I have ever been in is 4 years and I didnt meet him until I was 39!!!I was never "obsessed" with him because we clicked right away....I think it was more then just the "right person" but also,the right time for both of us.I think for an obsession to turn into a long term relationship,both elements have to be there,right person,right time

Incase you couldnt tell by my long winded rant...my answer is I think you should persue the relationship with this person until you find the "right time" for both of you.

Notr really, just about everyone I meet is some form of dickhead.

Yes.

I think when you meet the "right" person, you just know. A couple of married NT women I used to work with said the same thing.

Hale_bopp,
Just curious, do you live in a city, or a small town where cricket & rugby is everything to everyone?

A country where cricket and rugby is everything to everyone.

Also, a largeish city with the same problem as the rest of the country. A girl at my work told me I was "Nasty" because I told her I treated a famous rugby team just like normal customers and didn't give them special treatment.

They were probably quite grateful that you didn't make a fuss. The whole "hero worship" thing must really get on their nerves sometimes.

I just want to meet her in person. I can't even get that to work. It most likely just an obsession. I just want to destory the old image (most likely distorted by obsession) I have by meeting her in person thus creating a new one I can just let go of. I think I kinda freak her out though. I f*****g hate this. Years of my life are gone because I let my mind created something thats most likely not real. I just lost the job I had for a month. So lost. I'm seriously thinking of flying out to San Fran and just be homeless for a while, then look for a job there. I can't stand being in this state if I can't get some kind of finality to this. Damn this single track mind and the places it takes me.

What are you doing to realize this goal of meeting her?If your actions were as focused as your obsession...you would have met her before now.....I have been through this several times and have often wondered if my "obsession" with a difficult to "obtain" relationship was not an unconcouse "excuse" not to ever emotionally attach to the relationships that I could have....why would anyone do something so self defeating?Simply fear of failure in a real relationship.aybe this sounds like "psyco-babble"(I was a psyc major in college),but I do think it fit my experience.It wasnt until I stopped worshipping "someone"...many "victems" over the years,that I finnally met someone who is not an "ideal" but a flawed human>I really love him.I was 39 yrs old before I was able to do this,its not an easy transition and wasnt possible until I met and realized that each person I had "idolized" was
actually incompatable with me.One such relationship actually spanned 10 years before the final and last time that I let go of the "illussion" after dating him for several months.Maybe part of you doesnt want to give up this fantasy?

I am probably perpetuating the fantasy more than necessary. I used to do that more. I would think about things to say to her. Then I could never call. I stand there with the phone in my hand to afraid to call. Calling today to see if I can set up a date for a datish thing.

Used to thing she was in some way ideal. Come to find she's flawed is similar ways as I am. She often talks herself out of things much like I do. I got a temp job for the holidays. I'll be seeing her this coming halloween weekend. I was talking to her about this buddhist volunteer project in northern california that I was thinking about getting involved with and she too had thought about doing that. Odd things like this keep me guessing. I guess thats why I've hung on. Mostly about life the, meaning of things, god, mysticism. Life seems like an instrument that we need to learn how to play in time with everyone else. The times they are a changin'.

Close to insanity. and..... and..... and..... I love it. Will the anti-hero find love? Will he burn long enough to get the words out? Will the girl be broken by the herd and join in with them as they call the black sheep a stalker, a rapist and pedophile. Will he have no where to turn? Stay tuned.

Same here.

sad but true.

we're all f****d.

social isolation benefits those at the top of the pyramid scheme called capitalism.

want. never will get. always looking for.