Asking someone out. How do you do it?

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When I try and speak to a girl I like it accually take me a coupla seconds befor I relise that although my lips are moving there is no sound coming out, I have a constant fear of rejection by both guys and girls, drifferent reasons ofcorse, but with girls I either think they will just shut me down completly or that they are already dating someone. always feel like an outcast.
I kno i am always overthinking the situation but no matter how much I try I have never been able to stop myself from doing so
I have been on a couple of dates, 3 total in the last 5 years heh, and they were sorta flukes that just happened and ended suddenally or badly
I moved where I am now about 2 years ago, and started college last year. I have since made a few friends but none very close, and none female, I even started college a year earlier than I had planned just to try and increace the amount of social interaction I have. Didint really work like I had hoped
ok im just rambelling now so back to my question
How do you ask someone out that you dont kno, especially when its hard to make friends in the first place? also would trying to find an AS female make it easier?

Last edited by TigerGrey on 10 May 2005, 3:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Don't ask us. This is half the trouble we have

Anywhoo, work on your confidence. If that doesn't work, find out her MSN or Mobile number (if she gives you 1 of thoses, its a good sign) and then text or email her about it.......



Also, on the subject of AS, both of my Ex-s are AS, and while it may help somewhat, it can also be demanding.........

Think of what the typical person with AS would do. Then do the opposite.

heh, well not so easy to try and do the opposite

I don't have AS, but I have a son with AS. Although I don't have any answers, it might help if you IM'd or e-mailed the girl for awhile so that you could build up some friendship before you actually had to deal with the face to face issues. It's worth a try.

Luckily, my AS has always affected professional and rational relationships (the ones where we always feel they should be business, not personal) where I'm not good at mixing emotional-intimate-personal intercourse with logical-goal-oriented interaction.

But relating to non AS-spectrum women is something I've grown really good at.

Here's my advice.

1) The female mind is always interested in, and pleased by, a) compliments about appearance and b) indications of a desire for a long-term loyal relationship. Let these two fundamentals guide you.

2) Choose a girl who seems interested in you. This means she will go out of her way to talk to you, or, once you talk to her, she will stay and continue to chat about all kinds of things just to have your company.

3) Do what I call cultivating the "five minute friendship" first. This does not mean five minutes literally, but means in the beginning, try to talk about things that interest her (the things she brings up) and smile and show interest in what she wants to talk about, POSTPONING any desire you might have to indicate you want a relationship with her. Treat her like you want to be friends with her.

4) Sometime after having chatted in a friendly manner, say "what's your phone number, "X"? where x is her actual name.

5) A day or two later, call her without asking her to go anywhere. Girls think of this as friendly chatter. Ask how she's doing, what's up, tell her where you've been going, shopping, eating, etc. Girls like to keep up to date with small details of others they know. The point is to make phone calls from you feel "normal" and "friend-like".

6) Ask her out somewhere for lunch, tea, or a movie. Set a date and time.

7) Act like just a friend, and go out with her, trying to talk about what interests her and also telling her about your hobbies, etc.

8} At this point, she wouldn't be out with you if there was no interest. While walking, or while sitting in a theater, reach out gently and hold her hand. She will like this.

9) In modern times, don't ask "will you be my girlfriend?" or anything like this. Just progress gradually from holding her hand gently at times to kissing her on the cheek to greet hello/goodbye to kissing her on the lips.

10) Ask her over to your house and put your arm around her while watching tv. Make out with her, but if she says no, listen, but try again another day.

11) Soon you will have a girlfriend without ever asking any awkward questions.

That's my advice! Remember to relax, girls like human beings, not mathematical perfections.

Hmmm, well I think the previous poster offered good advice, but since you are in college, you should be aware that as you head into your sophomore/junior years, women are much more confident and might ask you out, if you become friends with them, so be prepared for that. Also, group dates are a very good way to get to hang out with the girl you are interested in, without having all the social pressure put on only yourself. If you and some of your guy friends plan something, like going to a new movie or whatever, you can ask the girl if she and a group of her friends would want to hangout with you guys. I did a lot of group dating in college, and then if a particular guy caught my interest, and I his, we would eventually go out, just the two of us.

Also, one of the coolest things about college are all the different clubs and organizations. Depending on the size of your college, you may find a lot that interests you. I met people in the organizations I joined and I am still friends with them after 6 years.

Confidence is the key and definitely be yourself. There is nothing worse than a guy who puts on an act.

It is a lot easier to ask someone out if you know you share the same interests and you have hung out with your friends together. Then you can just ask if she wants to grab coffee or lunch sometime and then go from there.

Good Luck.

Tallgirl.

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Edited for Typos

Last edited by tallgirl on 10 May 2005, 9:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

First of all, ask somebody out who you do know. Asking strangers out is foolish. But use a telephone to do it. It is a lot easier to do this when you aren't in the same physical space.

This is how I finally had some success:

1. Use the phone. Call at an appropriate time.

2. Briefly introduce yourself, as "This is -----, is ---- there?

3. If----- is there...

Don't waste too much time cutting to the chase. If ---- has any brains, she realizes that you probably have a social invitation in mind. So talk small for a minute or too.

4. Make the sale... Whatever you want to do, offer it with some enthusiasm and make it easy for her to say "yes." Example: Have you seen "-----" yet? I haven't either. It is at the---- theater on ---- at --- PM.
I can meet you at ---- if you want to go." 95% of being male is faking it; making believe we know what we are doing.

5. If she accepts, remember, less is more. Confirm the date and hang up asap.

6. If she doesn't accept, ask if you can call again if something comes up. If two more rejections happen, move on.

Worked countless times for me when single.

Jerry Newport

Write her a handwritten letter on nice paper (preferably in ink, and using calligraphy is nice if you know how), perhaps with a poem (if you can't write poetry yourself, find an appropriate one by a famous poet, even song lyrics that you like will suffice), and a note requesting the pleasure of her company for a romantic dinner someplace.
Don't forget to sign it (legibly)! You can make it out from a secret admirer if you wish, but that will only further complicate things and is not advised unless you are very confident with what you are doing.

Place a few rose petals in the envelope, seal it with wax, and leave it in her letterbox, or wherever she collects her mail, or have someone trustworthy deliver it to her.

Before she turns up for the dinner date, have the place decorated with candles (Making sure they aren't a fire hazard- Nothing ruins the mood more then setting fire to your date!), put on some gentle music (at a low volume), and then order a pizza and some beer.

When the pizza arrives take it and then act as if you have already paid. If the delivery person complains, insist that you are "on a mission from God", and that you have to reach the clocktower before it gets struck by lightning at 10:04pm.
By this time your date should arrive (if she is late, then try and keep the guy talking until she gets there), and you should immediately shout "How dare you insult X's honour!" (where X is the name of your date), and punch the delivery person in the head, making it appear as if you were defending her honour.

Tell your date that this place is no longer safe, and that unless you can retrieve the necronomicon, Magneto will surely build another death star.
You must then grab her hand (gently!), and run for safety, stopping every few minutes to snipe at any nearby zombies (remember to conserve enough ammo for the boss) and pick up red and green herbs.

By this stage, you should hopefully have collected enough rings to enter the bonus stage and seek a chaos emerald. If you can successfully answer the wise man's three questions, then he will let you cross the bridge and re-enter the Crystal Maze, at which point you should seek shelter from the rain inside a spooky looking castle. From now on, refer to your date as 'Janet', regardless of her actual name.

Once inside, you will be told that the princess isn't here- she is in ANOTHER castle. Don't be disheartened, just continue to dodge the barrels and make your way to the triforce chamber, where you will find an old brass lamp. You may take the lamp, but do NOT touch any of the other treasure!

If you are still carrying the ladder from your previous encounter with the mad hermit, then turn to page 204.
Otherwise take a deep breath and turn to page 187.

ummmmm..... riiiiiight

Or you could simply punch SANITYISOVERRATED for the same result

well atleast he lives by his name

I bolded and underlined the first part as I have to disagree, the female mind is not always interested in and pleased by compliments about appearance. I know for a fact mine isn't and I'm female. I really can't stand or take compliments about my appearance as I find those that tend to use them initially with me often do it for only one reason... thinking I am pleased by compliments so maybe they can get into my pants quicker. I can't stand it simply because I don't respect men that tend to draw attention towards physical appearance first. I have seen other women feel the same way as I do, if a guy has to use compliments about appearance to start up a conversation, I often would question their motives. I don't mind someone saying "Oh you have a nice smile." But I've experience enough with guys in my almost 32 years that make me more cautious when it comes to compliments about physical appearance vs. actually wanting to get to know the person's personality and all. But this is just my honest opinion. I'd rather be valued for my intelligence and all than my physical attributes and yes I had the misfortune to have easily attracted guys when I was younger due to bra size.

I don't really compliment people on their looks much but if I do then it is because A) They genuinely look really nice today, or B) They look like they need some encouragement. Usually both I suppose.

I don't compliment people just for the sake of it, so when I do they know I mean it.

Then again no-one can ever really tell if I mean what I say or not...

My comment about women always enjoying compliments about their appearance is true regardless of the existence of a few stragglers. The point was to give the boy an understanding of the fairer sex and the main differences in a way he could think about. If you honestly mean to say that your not caring about appearance translates into a general rule then you're being disingenuous and missing the forest for the tree.

US women spend 150 billion a year on cosmetics and hairstyling (including nails), men less than 100th that.

So what I mean for the boy is that when his girlfriend -t0-be has a change in hairstyle, or dresses up for him, he should say she looks nice. AS, which is what we have, is considered an "extreme" male mind. I told him a little about the female mind, from a male point of view. So don't try and maintain you're representative. What I told him was the way it is.

And that's the truth, ruth.

konungursvia is right. Girls will generally respond positively to comments about their looks. Commenting on a girl's looks is a way to make sure she sees you as a potential mate instead of a potential friend. Also, girls don't always want what they say they want. Girls only say what they *think* they want which tends not to correlate with what they really want.