Thinking vs. feelings.... where to start?

Post Reply New Topic

This could easily go in the Social skills forum as well, but I will let a moderator decide where this is more appopriate.
I am starting to see the light here as someone pointed out to me. It didn't hit me before, but I think it will sooner rather than later now. There are so many people on here that complain that they can't seem to get into meaningful relationships, and others experience the same issues with the social skills. Then it hit me over the last couple days, and I realize where things have gone right in my life. Sometimes you have to ignore your thinking and go with what you feel. Feelings help you understand how others feel, and it allows you to stop thinking too much. Thinking seems to indicate that you are looking for the negatives in others. Here is what a friend told me the other day:

Here is what I believe and have built my life around:

I take life for what it is, I no longer try to look for deep meaning in everything, I have learned that some things are meant to be taken on the surface level and nothing more. I believe over-analyzing every situation and person is not a skill but a self-fulfilling prophecy. Nobody is that smart. It's all illusion. Analyzing and making judgments are all subjective and mean nothing. It makes people uncomfortable. People sometime say and do things for no real reason, and it is wrong to dig for deep meanings in their actions all the time. People make mistakes, they need to be taken easy on. I used to get lost in reading about philosophy and deep stuff. I gave up. It's all BS. To get close to people, they need to be felt, not analyzed using all sort of BS theories. The bitter truth is that if you cry you cry alone, you laugh the world will laugh with you. People don't like to be around negative minded people. They want to be surrounded by joyful and fun people. Happiness has different levels. Happiness is found in isolation but it can't be materialized and felt in isolation. It needs to be shared. Humans are social creatures. We are not wired to be in isolation otherwise those in prison should be the happiest. Happiness is a state of mind. It comes and goes. One can never be happy all the time. But one can increase the amount of time one is happy, relatively. This can be done by being surrounded by people and friends. For people and friends to desire to surround one, one needs to work on becoming a pleasurable person to be around. One needs to make people comfortable around them. This is the skill that is the most important skill that one needs to acquire before true happiness can be realized. There are books written on it. There are people who are like that that one can humbly emulate.

That's is my opinion for what it's worth.

So with those words, it hit me as to the real reason why people would come and go in my life and leave me behind. You can't think about them. Seeing I had to be taught emotions growing up and that I apparently still have to learn, it became clear to me that I have to understand my feelings with as little thinking as possible in order for others to enjoy my company.

I disagree. It is entirely possible to he happy regardless of external factors and while doing literally nothing. It's called enlightenment, though admittely such a state is not easy to reach.

I recommend Echart Tolle's power of now, it's pretty interesting and explains the basics without any religious jargon.

Besides, our brains are not wired for, and we do not internalize as much the fast and fluid communication of the numerous and ever changing cultural belief webs that the NTs communicate with each other, which is why it is hard for us to say anything without analyzing it first. Well, it's not hard but if we say things before thinking/analyzing about them, we tend to say the wrong/awkward things because our brains have not memorized and cannot memorize (as much) that culture that the NTs share with each other in small talk which is the basis of their communication.

Bottom line: be wary of casual advice. It may work for the NTs but it may not work for us Aspies. We are different in many ways.

Last edited by Sidmor on 25 Nov 2012, 12:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

He reccomended the same thing believe it or not.

That's really funny, I guess it has room for interpretation.

I beg to differ. Not at all leves, but in most of what you say here.

First of all, by way of writing this, you are philosophising. Therefore, it is a written paradox.

It also means you still think. There is nothing wrong with thinking. As for thinking "too much", who defines what the parameters are? If you have to be tamed into thinking less, then the problem lies with others, and not yourself. Plus, analysing can be fun. It's all about perspectives.

I also largely disagree with the "laugh and the world laughs with you, and cry and you cry alone". In my life, people who *do" mean something to me, can come for a good cry and moan, as much as they can come for a laugh. Those that can't take me when I need a good cry? They aren't worth my time. I'm sorry,but it's a a yin and yang balance. There will be plenty of people who will want to ride with you in the limo, but few who are willing take the bus...as I heard once, somewhere. That's *their* problem, not mine.

I have never had problems in *attracting* good people into my life. And no, Im not talking just of romantic liaisons. When I say that I am inept for this world, it means I am so sorry that my AS prevents me from outspreading myself more widely to all those who could be a valid and positive part of my life. I seclude myself because of my sensory issues.

I tend to go with what I feel, more than what I think. But, and there is always a but, that doesn't necessarily mean, that I have an easier ride than those who think a lot before they feel. It doesn't stop me from thinking too much either. The two are intertwined. But the great positive aspect? It's that I am who I am, and people will always know what they can count with.

As for being happy alone? Yes it is possible, I have many, many happy lonely moments. Because...like you said...happiness is a state of mind, and it comes... and it goes.

lol, yeah. Maybe what I read from you and what I read from this friend is maybe a perfect balance between the two would be ideal for someone like me to survive in the real world. But I do have enough experience recently to go with what I feel for a person at that given moment.