Getting over an attachment...

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I wasn't sure whether to put this here or in the friendship forum, but I decided to put it here because of the degree of the attachment. This is NOT nor has it ever been a romantic attachment however.

I have a bad problem of getting way too attached to people when they befriend me. I am just coming out of a ruined friendship because I got too attached and they became uncomfortable with it. Thing is, I still feel just as attached to this person and its KILLING me to see this person treat me like this and love being around every other friend but me. Its like a strong, but non-romantic crush, and it's driving me insane. I know the relationship I dearly wanted is no longer possible. What can I do to get over it? I figured it would be best for my own good to get this person out of my life completely but I can't bring myself to quit thinking about it. Thanks for any advice.

its because of our aspie nature my dear friend.

we're all like that, whether we want to admit it or not.

the best way is to let it go, stop thinking about it, and move on.

I get very attatched, as well.

I can't stand clingy people.... until they leave.

Then I miss them like crazy, in some cases for up to 10 years (and counting).

My son's girlfriend just broke up with him. It was a long-distance relationship, and it was definitely within her right to break up, but my son just can't get over it either. He says he's OK, but he just wants to know WHY! WHY! WHY! The trouble is, there is no good answer, she just found somebody else. I'm at a loss as to how I should help him through this, especially since he lives far away from our family as well. I'm sure he will get over it, he just feels like she was dishonest with him (which she was) about the fact that she was dating other people. I just wish he could concretely turn his feelings of mourning and loss into anger at her deceptiveness, so much so that he will just stop thinking of her (not completely, I'm sure that's impossible right now) and go on to other things.

I think that this attachment thing is very real. Part of it is that the people I've known with Asperger's are incredibly loyal people.

indeed.

of course after my first girlfriend dumped me, I had no grief, since I knew she'd do it anyway, and instead I just went back to living life.

In my humble opinion, women call us men jerks and liars, when half the time they aren't even telling the truth themselves and in your son's girlfriend's case Schlepenheimer, that was a bad example. now my hypothesis being if this is first girlfriend, which I doubt, since he's living far away, two things may occur, 1) he will go on with life, and eventually find another girl out there who is the greatest thing to ever happen to him, or 2) he will go on griefing, never able to let it go and become despondent, up to the point where he hates all females, because he views them all on the same line as his ex, and that isn't a great circumstance. Now if she was his second or third or whatever, then the desposition of how the outcome will be up to nature.

i get really attatched to people too. in high school i couldn't deal with the fact that my best friend got a boyfriend. i'm almost out of college, she's married, and i still resent her for "breaking up" our friendship. It still hurts. of course i realise the ridiculousness of this, but i do think its an aspie thing so you're not alone.

likewise, my first crush at age 12 lasted 3.5 years and was very exclusive
(and completely one-sided and obsessive). 10 years later and i've finally stopped caring almost completely.

This is the problem with Asperger's Syndrome; you're really slow to realize you like someone, but even slower to quit liking them. They become perseverations, and the results can be destructive.

heh.

indeed they do.

although mine relationships have ended, I don't completly obsess and try and win the person back. because they aren't worth it.

the girl who I've currently got my sights on.......had my sights on for a long time, knows that I'm AS, she's slightly AS with a very heavy case of Turettes syndrome, and that makes her very emotionally unstable. she has yet to ever actually have a boyfriend...........I'm the closest guy friend she has. and as I said, knows my feelings for her, I actually asked her to marry me this past February, she said no, and I realized at that time, i was an idiot for asking, but it hasn't stopped our friendship, I think if I were to ask a second time, maybe a few years later, there may be a different answer.....I don't want to get engaged til Sophmore year, and if I do get engaged, then not get married til Junior year.

it seems to me that relationship obseesions come because the couple spends a quantity time together, and if they see each other day in and day out, then the obsession grows, but if they see each other once a week, there's the still obsession, but less. Once a month................less of an obsession. though it's all dependant on how deep in the person's AS is.