I still don't understand : (

Post Reply New Topic

Almost all teenagers date at some point

I got this from http://aspe.hhs.gov/hsp/08/pathways2adulthood/ch2.shtml

I think it's reliable since it's a government study....

But how is the bolded statement possible??

1. Dating is really competitive

2. Popular girls say I'm uncool

3. Prudish AND counterculture girls think I'm the kind of person that will bring a gun to school just cause I try to talk to them

4. It's hard to meet people with the ever-increasing load of schoolwork, and everyone's schedules conflict

5. You either have to be athletic or artistic. I'm neither.

6. Girls prefer bad boys over nice guys. It's like I should do worse in school to attract a girl.

7. You have to look good. Enough said.

8. You can't be introspective or philosophical in nature.

9. Coming from 6, you have to put people down to create your identity.

10. High school and college activities promote rigidity and conformity instead of inquiry and creativity. If you aren't like everyone else, forget about it.

I would estimate the percentage as 40-50%. But maybe I'm missing something crucial? I'm sure most people here dated during their teens.

I know I am not in a position to tell you about success with women, but some of these things are not "societies" fault, but your own. It is tough to hear, I have thought the same as you, and it took me most of my early twenties to realize that some of these things are in your own hand, and up to you to change. Not saying you will be more successful with women, but you will become happier:

5. Being artistic is a skill that is rather hard to learn. Being athletic is NOT. Get your ass up from the couch and start moving it! You think the folks that are athletic were born that way, catching a football right coming out of their mother's womb, or doing a flip, or lifting weights? They all started at some point, and so should you. I can only give you myself as an example: If you came to me last year and told me I will look the way I do now (I am rather buff, now, allthough I am still striving for more), I would have said: No way! But now I do, and it feels great to be so healthy and full of energy. Being athletic and in a good shape will not only help you attract other people (not only women, you will leave a more lasting impression on everyone by being more lively), it will help you build up self-esteem. Physical activity makes you happy, which is a fact (endorphines). Stop pitying yourself, stop making excuses, start now and get moving!

10. This is a statement that is unfairly brutal. Yes, our society works in a way that belongig to a group is valued and necessary to some degree to get along... hence the word "society". But stating that you are where you are because you are "not like everyone else" is, again, making excuses. Being individual is not about not belonging to a group. Don't get me wrong, I am a loner myself, mostly because I do think most people slow me down in my endevours, and I don't have many friends, but I have learned the basic skills how to maneuvre in social situations, how to socialize with people, and how to make other people treat me allright. I am assimilated where necessary, and spare my individuality for the only person that matters: me, myself. I don't know you, but I can tell from my own experience that being a social outcast was not exclusively owed to my AS, it was a choice I made to "distinquish myself" from others, I guess as a reflex from already having troubles fitting in. This is giving yourself up. You are better than this. You have got to embrace your individuality, the things that define you as a person, and make them a merit rather than a dertiment. Just don't run around and give people a reason to think you are "individual and special" just for the sake of being different. Being different is great. It would be boring if everyone was the same. But you have to realize this: There's a time for everything. There is a time for being individual, and there is a time for being not. The world can not and will not take every single human being and his or her special abilities and needs into consideration, and it it would be foolish to make a such a demand or to wish for the world to be that way. That won't make a change. Without wanting to become too cliché, it is like in Michael Jackson's song "Man in the Mirror": If you want the world to change, ask what you can do to change yourself. Moaning and groaning will only make it worse.

Long story short, in my own words: Accept what you cannot change! Change what you cannot accept!

^sounds kinda idealistic to me lol.

I do pretty much agree with the point that you basically have to be like everyone else. Notice how the most unique, creative people are pretty much cast into an abyss, unless they have luck on their side.

If being artistic was a good way to get girls, I'd have to beat them off with a baseball bat. But unfortunately it is the other way around.

poor academic achievement is not cool or hot

focus on personal presentation and maintaining a social circle, maybe join some school activities that involve interaction people could get to know you by doing (bite the bullet)

sometimes in school you get locked into a terminally uncool box it's impossible to escape because you're always around the same people, I was in there 2-9, and in 10th grade I got to mercifully transfer schools, school isn't forever

if your academics are really demanding right now, take advantage of your lack of soial obligation and knock that out of the park
if you have all your ducks in a row you'll be less stressed ad if social oppurtunities do arise you'll be able to take advantage

I never dated until I had my 1st girlfriend at 20. I never had any interest in relationships or dating before her & I could not of cared any less at the time. You mentioned school promoting conformity & your talking about most teenagers dating as if it's something that you are supposed to do. My advice is to not worry about conformity & instead focus on what you think is rite for you. Being an Aspie makes us unique when compared to NTs so we shouldn't except ourselves to be like NTs. Focus on your individuality & maybe in the process you could meet a girl who's different that the conformity & appreciates how your different too.

Finally at 17 ive joined 91% of my fellow teens. Sadly im still in the other 48%

unfortuneately guys have to be more social, more outgoing, put themselves out there more than girls do