Mutual silence

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So I've noticed dating profiles that specifically point out that having a silent moment is a deal breaker. I personally have a difficult time coming up with things to say, especially things that are meaningful and not just one-liners I heard from a tv show. I only come up with a witty reply every so often and there's no use forcing one when there isn't one there.

I was wondering how everyone else was on the issue. Does not having a reply mean that a relationship can't exist? Are there other things you fill the moments with? What have your experiences been?

If you want to continue or deepen a conversation, learn to ask questions that are open-ended and personal.
What places are on your bucket list?
What was your favorite part of being a teenager?
(If at dinner) Are there any foods you hated as a child that you like now?
Who is your closest friend outside your family? Why are you friends?
If you had to leave your country, where would you want to go?
etc...

You might find helpful a post on ending a conversation at: http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/200 ... o-end.html
AspergersExpert.com

What does that question mean? I haven't a clue.

A "bucket list" is a list of things you want to do or places you want to visit before you die, or "kick the bucket".

Ahh. That makes sense. Thanks for the info.

I think that being able to share a moment of silence with someone, without it being awkward, is a sign that the two of you have reached a key point in a relationship! I personally think that it's perfectly normal to have some brief moments of silence on a date, particularly with someone you hardly know. Unfortunately modern-day culture seems to make everyone feel like they have to be talking nonstop all the time...just turn on CNN at any time of day and you'll see what I mean! What ever happened to just enjoying people's company, without constantly relating a bunch of useless and mostly superficial data about each other??

I usually have had awkward silences on first dates. If there weren't some, I would probably not get along with the guy, because I don't want someone who talks all the time. That said, we should have some good conversation. As for someone you've been with a long time, I think you should be absolutely comfortable to sit in silence for a while.

I couldn't agree more, I mean I wouldn't even be on a first date if there hadn't been some kind of conversation in the first place. I just don't get how non stop chatting isn't exhausting.

LordExiron, I'm glad there's at least one person out there one the same page, thanks for chiming in.

AE, I've learned that I don't have instant rapport with anyone I've just met, I'm not going to be dating anyone unless I'm at the point where I genuinely want to know more about them. The real question is whether moments of silence are acceptable (I suspect that guys with AS are prone to them) or whether its a deal breaker (based on past experience and observation)

I'm kind of on the fence- I have no problem keeping a conversation going because I have so many interests,
but at the same time, I find the NT aversion to silence a bit bizarre.

Sometimes the ears need a break and maybe both can agree

I've had a few of those on dates.

I do have a lot of interests which I can talk about but I find it hard to hold back from being enthusiastic about them and going into lots of depth and detail on the subjects. Unless i am lucky enough to find someone who a) shares at least some of those interests and degree of enthusiam and b) is of at least similar intelligence then there will be lots of silences and these always mean that I don't get a second date.

I've always been glad that SpazzDog and I can enjoy comfortable silence sometimes. We don't feel the need to talk each other's ears off or always have something witty to say to each other. In the very early stages of our relationship I would feel a bit awkward and my mind would race, trying to think of something to ask him or something interesting to say. But that dissipated very quickly because I already felt much more comfortable and in tune with him than I feel with other people.

However, when there are sudden pauses in a conversation with other people, I still tense up quickly and feel extremely awkward. I'm so nervous around people!

In a relationship or long term friendship it's nice. On a first date it just feels too intimate and vulnerable.

+1

If the date is over because of a "silent moment" then forget about it. i wouldn't want to date someone like that anyway.