Okcupid, advice?

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I have used this site twice in the past, but I kept attracting less desirable women. I couldn't attract anyone that could hold conversation with. Has anyone else had problems with this site?

I always would message and either no response or even if I fit the parameters the person was looking for as to age or whatever I get a "don't stop trying and good luck you will find someone" and no one would even take the first step to contact me because of my looks obviously

Yeah,

I'm OKAY looking and I get very few girls messaging me. The ones that I message usually glance at my profile, but do not reply. Personally I think a lot of girls are just on there for attention. Others are delusional and looking for "the perfect" mate.

*sigh* Online dating is better when you pay for it I've heard. I mean, if you are looking for a committed relationship. A lot of these free sites have flakey girls. If you want something serious, and a place where women also want something serious, go look at the paid sites (see match.com or eharmony)

Good photos are a must. Quite a few times girls will not look at the photos if they look like they were taken by yourself. A good photo is when it is taken by someone else. I'm just giving advice as a girl.

Have 3 photos on the site rather then 1. One photo should be of just your face and shoulders, the other one should be of you doing an activity you enjoy like hiking, skiing, diving etc and then another photo should be with friends. In all three photos you should be smiling.

Girls like to see a guy who enjoys activities and also has some friends that is why the photos are important. They also don't want to read too many essays either so keep the music/films/books to a minimum and if you're big into Sci fi for example only mention it if you want to meet someone big into it too. If you're interested in meeting someone who is an opposite or has varied interests it's good not to be too specific about your tastes in your profile because then that could be minimising your chance of meeting a variety of girls. If however you want to be very specific then go ahead with using specific activities: ie. punk rock festival, sci fi geek etc so the girls more likely to contact you will relate to your specialty subject. This may seem a safer option but I recommend keeping your interests more general if you want more messages.

Also, even girls have to work hard for messages from guys worth the full road so don't give up on messages and after say 6-7 messages back and fourth ask them out for a drink or coffee. Some girls get flaky because the guy is taking too long with "chatting" - get to the point quicker. By asking them out for a drink and arranging a time and day you can find out if there's chemistry in person because that's all what it's about isn't it?

Hope this helps, and again this is just advice from someone who met their boyfriend (with autism) from okcupid!

Sometimes I chat with girls that I don't find attractive just to interact and meet new people. Some girls also do this to me. I don't ask for a number only when I'm not interested in taking things to the next level like dating or even texting.

firefaerie, that was good advice also. Six or seven messages! 0_0 I have been doing it wrong! haha I thought you had to talk for like two weeks or something. That was the advice a friend gave me! lol I took the advice on the pictures. Thank you again.

I responded to a girl who had to the worst profile I had ever seen and didn't even have a picture. Let's just say it was a success. Like everyone else, the 'profile' isn't the 'person'. I didn't find her attractive in person when I met her either.... at first Don't be afraid to take a chance like I did: the results have been well worth it so far!

I totally agree, a lot of people lie in their pictures but it's to make people think you're more interesting. My boyfriend has a mixture of aspergers and then severe autism and so what he thinks are funny pictures of himself actually make him look a bit "creepy" to others. When I saw his photos on the site I wasn't really into him at all. But, I'd had such bad experiences where guys had put up amazing looking photos and then they looked nothing like that in person (and I don't mean just one or two guys, I mean every single guy!) so when I met my boyfriend in person I was very pleasantly surprised!!

That's not to say your photos don't count because they do. My boyfriend has severe autistic traits - he enjoys living in a fantasy world and lies a lot - this whole story is very complicated but he basically has opened a few accounts in the past 2 weeks (we have been together 9 months) because he told me he loved me and I'm the only person who "gets" him, so I really think it has something to do with anxiety - anyway, what was my point? Oh yes, photos, you see he has these accounts with these "creepy" photos up so no girls ever reply to him - so that's my point exactly, have photos up that are flattering and show that you're an interesting, fun person to get to know!

Oh and also, on first or second dates be good fun and chat, never apologise for the silences but if you feel nervous just ask them lots and lots of questions about themselves, people love talking about themselves!

Also, if you're finding it difficult to ask a girl out for drinks, just say exactly what you mean: "Do you fancy going out for coffee/drinks sometime? I find you can only get to know someone best in person"..... or even simpler, "It's been great chatting, perhaps you'd like to meet up for a bite to eat or coffee sometime? "

Thanks again. I will admit about I had the same problems with pictures too. I am very turned off by lying, since I dont lie with my pictures, believe it or not. lol I just don't understand why girls do it? I understand it is body imagine and possibly from low self-esteem. I have built confident after losing alot of weight and keeping in shape. So I really don't understand people that are desparate to be in relationship, but don't realize they have to fix themselves first? I am making sense. lol

I would recommend you ask for a full body shot that doesn't mean asking for nudity but if they're taking pictures from weird angles then they probably are bigger than they say. If you feel uncomfortable asking then aim to meet in person for a quick coffee that way if they turn out to be completely different looking to their pics you can always make the excuse, well this has been fun! Then leave. Also if it goes great from coffee you can always initiate another place to move onto if the girl says yes you know the date is going well!

I am a curvy girl and in no way petite but I'm lucky because at 6ft I have long legs and carry it well I always show a body shot so guys know what to expect when they meet me in person. (I did dating sites) Once you have changed your pics (or you already have) you'll start to notice a shift with the girls too. With me, the guys always lied about their height too, so many guys put 5'11 when they're actually 5'9 so I wouldn't meet any more 5'11ers, I had to meet guys who put 6ft or above even though I don't mind 5'10 or 5'11 but they were all 5'8 or 5'9!! ! I ended up changing my height from 6ft to 6ft 1 in order to let the guys know I really was tall! I saw a shift in the guys contacting me too then which was a plus!

I found the caliber of people pretty exceptional on that site, so long as you have a lengthy, cleverly-written, thoughtful profile, a couple of nice photos with funny captions, etc.

I had lots of interesting conversations, even if some of them didn't pan out.