Online dating tips for women

Post Reply New Topic

I noticed a popular thread on here giving advice on Online dating for Aspie men.

What I want to know is has anyone come up with the equivalent set of Dating Tips for Women?

I know I badly need some.

As far as my looks go I have, according to conventional opinion, a good figure and my friends (male and female) say I'm really pretty. I get lots of winks and views on these online sites which seems to confirm they like checking out my photos, but next to no messages either by guys initiating contact or by guys responding to my messages. The few messages I did get were mostly from much older guys (that freaked me out as I don't want to be someone's trophy).

My profile doesn't mention anything negative, doesn't mention Aspergers, nor is it full on about kids or getting married (those two things are irrelevant to me anyway) so I don't understand my lack of success.

Thanks

Weird, very very weird, what website is that?


You must link us to your profile otherwise no one can help you here.

Do you get many messages on dating sites, OP?
And Boo, love the new avatar LOL!

Hi,

Thanks for offering some assistance on this. Please dissect freely.

In terms of what I am looking for top three things are similar intelligence levels (in fact this is what I am most rigid on), similar interests and definitely no more than 5/6 years older at the very most. I'm 5ft 6, in my mid 30s, UK size 8 - I am not very fussy about height (although prefer a guy at least same height as me but that should not be difficult), not fussy about earnings, hair colour (or even if they have hair) and anyone with normal BMI is okay. I never know if I'm attracted to someone until I get to meet them in person so I wouldn't dismiss based on profile picture, but so rarely get the opportunity - forced myself to go on a date with one of these older men (aged 49) but it was a disaster.

I'm on Match.com and as far as I can see there is no way to send an external link to profile - you have to be a member to have a peek. However I'll cut and paste the relevant sections - The words in CAPS LOCK indicate new part of the template they give you:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HEADLINE: Quirky, daydreamer, looking for that special someone who shares my interests and upbeat outlook on life.

MAIN AD: Thanks for stopping by and looking at my profile!

It's getting harder these days meeting people and bars and clubs so I thought I'd give online dating a go and see what happens.

I'm independent with a great social life, but I often miss all the lovely things that come with being in a relationship - like someone to bake cookies and compile playlists for, holding hands on a long walk on the beach/countryside, someone to shout at the TV with when those lame reality shows come on, someone to cheer me on at those half marathon finish lines, someone to mosh with at a music gig.

Could you be that guy?

If so please get in touch - I guarantee to reply to anyone who has clearly taken the time to read my profile.

MORE ABOUT ME:

WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN?

Sing along to my favourite songs , cook up gorgeous cakes for my colleagues, try to run fast like Paula Radcliff and fail, daydream, paint and scribble when the urge takes me, dancing, and going on self-improvement courses. I never stop learning!

FAVOURITE LOCAL HOT SPOTS OR TRAVEL DESTINATIONS?

York, Rome, Cape Verde, Majorca and Brittany. Lots of other places I'd like to go to see like Iceland (the country not the shop), New Zealand, St Petersburg, the list goes on...

FAVOURITE THINGS?

* Random acts of silliness * Debating for fun * Battenberg cake * Charity running * Dancing * Cheeseboards * Vintage fairs * My scarf collection * The smell of newly printed books * A proper cup of tea * Mulled wine * Marina Diamandis

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK?

Katie Piper "Beautiful" - extraordinary story of how a girl who seemingly lost everything (her face, her career) fought back and is now doing absolutely amazing things for other burns survivors through her charity work. Really inspiring.

TELL US MORE ABOUT YOUR JOB.

I work in Risk Management. Sadly it's not as glamourous as it sounds - there's no abseiling out of windows or ninja style antics. Oh - and my colleagues are a hoot. That's about as much as I can say really.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There is another section where you state a few basic facts about yourself and your criteria for a partner. I have mentioned my Masters degree and that I exercise 5 times a week (exercise and fitness are my main special interests but I have tried not to mention too much about it in the profile). I've mentioned that I like sci-fi and horror films, that I'm into rock and "indie" music and that my favourite director is David Lynch. That I'm not a fussy eater and that I'm a liberal agnostic.

Hi Januaryman - no not many messages at all and from guys who are much older than I am looking for and of those messages they are usually not very literate which is why I am asking for some help/feedback/tips.

Do you use online dating sites?

I would maybe tone down the description about exercising 5 days a week. It might put off a lot of guys that would have otherwise got in contact with you that meet your demands in the brains department. While it may be way off, most will assume you are always at the gym and unless they are a hunky juice head from Jersey Shore they don't stand a chance of impressing you. Take pride in your regime, most definitely. But maybe just say you like to exercise (and say what kind) and leave it at that.

Rest of your profile seems okay IMO but it all depends on who's reading the profile.

P.S. David Lynch is a magnificent director. The Lost Highway, Twin PEaks and Blue Velvet inspired a lot of great things like earlier entries in the Silent Hill franchise and a lot of misc. TV shows about weird towns.

EDIT: I don't really use dating sites. From time to time I'll make a profile just to see what kind of women check out my profile or message me but that's it. I personally feel people are too demanding and as spongy says "feel entitled" when really they're as average (or less average) than I am. I have more luck with local girls anyway.

I think that your profile looks really great. There are a few possibilities that come to mind though. For one, are there many people in your area on the site, and are they active? (I know a lot of sites show how long its been since someone logged in). For example in my area there's under 100 women within 50 miles on the site I've been trying, but in areas like new york city there may be several thousand. And do your pictures cast you in the most flattering light possible? Even the most attractive people out there can take some pretty bad photos lol. You could also check out some of the free sites...match.com is a pay site so it probably will have fewer people. And I know a lot of women hesitate to send out messages first, but it can give you more selectivity in who you talk to (aka, noone old enough to be your father lol)

Ha ha. that made me laugh - "hunky juice head from Jersey Shore" is really not what I'm after (unless they introduce a new character with a PhD)! I suppose that there might be a stereotype of gym goers - I will take this into account.

Thanks Stargazer,

If I could work out how to attach a sample photo here I would so you could see,

I did think that perhaps I should have more than two photos. On there at the moment is a photo of me in a purple cocktail dress and high heels, the other one is just a headshot of me.

Maybe take down the masters degree.
It can give out the impression that you are looking for someone that HAS to have the same academic level and there are plenty of people that do not lack of intelligence but are unable to do a masters for monetary issues(getting a loan to get a degree is burdensome enough for quite a few people....)

Its the only thing that I can see that could be wrong.

Also try to put up pictures that dont look like they were taken by a camera but that dont look too fancy either(has she photoshopped them?...)

Only things I could come up with

Yes, another reasonable point. Thank you.

Sounds like a well done profile (don't forget to fix your grammar mistake) but at the same time there isn't really anything that stands out either. Thus is the problem with online dating as a whole. I would suggest taking out that line about "could you be that guy?" Maybe I am just jaded but it makes you sound like another of those entitled women who think men need to do all the work in dating and earn the privilege of paying for dinner. I know that's not your intention at all but it is how I read it initially.

I'm also usually turned off when someone mentions wanting to go to multiple international destinations because I want someone to be with, not to drain my bank account. Again that might just be me but something to keep in mind. It would also intimidate me from contacting you since women tend to only date "up" online and I am far from rich!

Wow! I hadn't realised it could be read in that way.

The whole point was that I DON'T get guys who want to pay for me. I know it works for some people but I'm a modern girl and I don't feel comfortable with that - personally I think its just a notch away from prostitution.

I shall have to change the offending sections immediately as maybe that is why I am getting the old men.

I do need find a way of expressing that I love to travel though - most of the holidays I've mentioned I've gone there on my own and all (except one where it was a competition win) I paid for myself.

Will run the wording through a grammar check - I'm dyslexic so my spelling and grammar won't be perfect left to my own devices!

To express that you love to travel, all you need to do is say "I love to travel!" maybe mention some of the places you've been to.

Just done the changes and, it could be a coincidence but someone of reasonable spec is chatting to me via IM right now. Thanks guys.

Do keep those tips coming. Might help some of the other female aspies on this site looking for a dates

I might have to let you know when I do get to meet someone face to face. That will be a whole other level of scary!

I'm a woman so I don't know if my feedback is relevant, but this part felt rather off-putting to me:

Personally I think you should delete the part I've put in bold, and replace it with something more vague and clichéd, along the lines of: "someone to share all the ups and downs of life with, and to create special memories with."

That is only my personal opinion. Other people may be fine with it, but personally I feel it makes it sound like you are looking for a guy who absolutely MUST do all of the following:

Eat your home baking
Be willing for you to tamper with his iPod
Go for walks on the beach
Watch reality shows with you
Stand around in the mud and rain and wait for hours just to watch you run past him for about two seconds
Attend music gigs.

You seem to have a very firm idea that all of his hobbies must match yours and he must do whatever you want him to do. I'm not saying that's necessarily what you are trying to say, but that's the vibe it's giving off. Who knows - there may be tons of eligible guys reading your profile, but perhaps you are scaring them away becasue they have food allergies or follow a strict diet, so they do not want to be forced to eat home baking. Perhaps they do not like other people interfering with their music choices. Perhaps they do not like the countryside, and prefer going for walks in city parks. Perhaps they absolutely hate reality shows, or do not even own a TV. Perhaps they do not relish the idea of being dragged along to be somebody's personal cheerleader at half-marathons (I know I wouldn't)! And perhaps they do not like music gigs. A lot of people have an aversion to loud noise. (I do)!

Mr Right might turn out to be somebody who does not fit that list entirely, but is somebody different instead. You might be keeping Mr Right away by writing a too inflexible description of what you require him to be.

People do not have to be clones of one another in order to have a happy relationship, so the perfect man for you might turn out to have hobbies that are different to yours. Perhaps instead of (or as well as) listing all the things you want him to do with you, you could also mention that you are happy to accompany him when he's doing man things, and do nice things for him as well, such as: bring him beers when he's watching a football match, or sew buttons onto his shirts, or mention if you're good at giving back massages, or other sorts of things that men tend to like women doing for them. A lot of men tend to mention on their profiles that they're good at DIY and catching spiders and other things that females tend to appreciate, so I don't see anything wrong with a woman doing the same and mentioning the female traits that she would have to offer. That way, you're not giving the impression that it's going to be "all take and no give."

I am not saying it is wrong to state your hobbies and likes and dislikes and preferred activities. It's just that you have done something rather unusual, that's a bit different to that, and have provided a list of "boyfriend duties" that your prospective boyfriend would apparently be required to do. If I were a man reading that, I'd find it extremely demanding and intimidating, and hurriedly click away.

I know you probably didn't mean it like that at all, and were just going into a nice happy little daydream and fondly imagining yourself doing romantic couple things with your new future man (I know how you feel, and I do that, too) but it could perhaps come across as a far-too-specific list of things, and they may not happen to be things that the average man looking at your profile wants to do.

Like I said this is only my opinion and perhaps I am the only person to have interpreted it that way. I often interpret things differently due to being slightly weird, so don't be too alarmed. Perhaps all the men see nothing wrong with your list at all!

Hope I helped.