Anyone else never dated/been in a relationship?

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quiet
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14 Dec 2006, 6:28 am

I'm 22, never dated or been in a relationship. Anyone else have this same problem? I honestly do not know what to do about it, and I occasionally end up asking questions like this on the internet.

I also haven't had any real life friends since 1997 either. My parents basically have no friends either (they meet with like two non-family members once or twice a year). I'm kind of surprised they even had me (only child), because their social skills are almost as bad as mine! :)

I used to think that I was very ugly (the most ugly person on the planet) and that was the reason why I had no friends/relationships. Then I made some online friends several years ago and they all insisted that I wasn't ugly, and that I am just an ordinary looking person, so I have a hard time believing that they were all lying to me. I have finally come to except that I am just an ordinary looking person and not very ugly. I still have no idea how to even begin trying to talk to anyone though.

I've read a lot of posts on various AS forums over the past year, and almost everyone seems to have had better luck with this than me.



logitechdog
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14 Dec 2006, 8:54 am

Well first relationship I had was at 6yr old was the longest I have had of 5 year's, after that it went to pot mainly because I became very shy when I started secondary school I did have relationship's but didn't do anything in them, and after that when the dating junk came in it went even more to pot and look back and wish I pushed myself over my shyness, I find adult relationship's the worse phase as deception and lying comes into play I really don't understand I can't seem to adapt into this world as lying to me longest I have held out it 5 hour's but that's mainly coz I would of had to go into the bathroom and started telling them that I lied while they take a shower lol. So to me adult phase if I didn't have relationship's before then I would feel the same way but I am sick of the Dating game and don't really do it anymore... as I don't like the ditching junk that they feel is better to do than just tell that they don't like you or they don't feel interested - I have sat around 4 hour's plus before waiting for someone to come back from the toilet no respect to even text you than let you sit they like a prat.... But it start's off with a "" Hi - how's you "" then just general chat really - but your going to have to be willing to play the game right now I feel "" Only way I can go on a date is if I bring a lie detector along with me and hook it up to them, which I know is something I can't do unless I take a course in turning yourself into a lie detector



Tangerine
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14 Dec 2006, 1:38 pm

I've 23 and have only "dated" one person, and it was only by accident really. We awkwardly made plans via email to attend a university function together, then everyone assumed we were dating (him included). I didn't know how to end it until he broke up with me after a few weeks. We were painfully shy, and didn't engage in much physical interaction except kissing (which gave me a three day long panic attack the first time!)

I don't really have any "friends" as such, just friendly acquaintances from work or volunteering. That's why I do volunteer work. I only seem to connect with people through purposeful interaction (like meetings), and don't talk on the phone or make plans to "go out" or do anything outside of our work together. There are limited opportunities to meet people my own age, as I don't like the bar scene and other exclusively-social functions.

I'd certainly like to have someone in my life, dating/relationship-wise, if they had similar quirks and temperament to myself. I don't care if they have different interests, or opinions-- just similar in things like needing lots of time to be alone and not liking to be touched.



Corvus
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14 Dec 2006, 2:03 pm

I think I saw a girl for a month but she was very forward and accomodating. Very understanding, so, she was a minority. Asides from that, nothing. I dont mind being touched by only when its 'meant.' Hugging everyone on the planet isnt what I want.



DerekD_Goldfish
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14 Dec 2006, 3:31 pm

Im also 23 and have never properly "Dated" someone there have been a few close calls between people that wanted to be with me that I wasnt interested in and people I wanted to be with but messed up.

I do have a number of friends so I dont have that problem.



gsilver
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14 Dec 2006, 10:37 pm

I'm 26, and I've gone on like 3 dates in my life (none of which led to any kind of relationship).


I've decided that if I ever go on another date, it will be because of strong mutual feelings that are already there, rather than "we got along pretty well in (short period of time), so why not?" since without strong preexisting feelings (from both parties... one-sided is a recipe for disaster), it would just be a waste of time.



Veresae
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15 Dec 2006, 12:28 am

Never been on a single date. Never been kissed. Never anything.

Girls who I am romantically interested in never like me like that. And there's not a lot of them, so this is kinda awful.

I'm...really kinda hopeless at this point. I so wish to meet someone that I'll be attracted to (both in terms of looks and personality) and will be able to talk to regularly, and most of all who will also be attracted to me, who will be as interested in me as I am in her. But...it never happens.



AnonymousAnonymous
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15 Dec 2006, 1:31 pm

I have never been in a relationship because my mom's so Catholic she will find a girl for me regardless of what I say. I will find myself a cute Catholic Aspie girl, if they are any, or wait until I am in the right state of mind to allow one to find me.



Tequila
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15 Dec 2006, 1:47 pm

I've never been on a date (or had sex, or kissed, or anything) but to be honest I'm in no great rush. I don't care, me. I know that it will happen in the next few years or so. All I have to do is get out there and keep pushing myself. :)



MagicMike
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15 Dec 2006, 1:59 pm

20, never properly dated.



lkonantz
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17 Dec 2006, 1:20 am

I'm 22 and have never dated, had sex, or been kissed. I would like to but I've never really worried about it much. I'm focued on school and really don't have the time to deal with it. But it is nice to know I'm not the only one. Mind you, I know all kinds of things about dating because my friends would tell me about it. Also, I do have a fair amount of friends.



shadexiii
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17 Dec 2006, 2:26 am

There's no reason to lose hope for anyone (assuming that a relationship or more is what they are hoping for...). First off, I'm a fifth year senior in college. I'm 22, but i'm a year ahead, so for this adding a year would be reasonable if looking at it in a timeline fashion. I've kissed people, but I hadn't before junior year here. First relationship was this year. Same with sex. So it can happen, it may simply not happen quite as soon as you want. Giving up makes it harder though, because it gives the impression of, well, having given up, which lowers your chances even more. Seems like a bad arrangement to me, further penalizing for the person that should have instead been given a handicap, so to speak. Just stay as positive as you can.

Unfortunately, that's all the hope I can bring. As for the kissing, uh, I think I've been drunk every time. Even in the relationship. I'm not saying that's "healthy," rather the opposite. Shows the quality of the relationship, eh? Didn't have a nice ending to that either, but that's neither here nor there. So it gets better, but I can't guarantee how much better or how fast. Hell, if you want to think positive, then take it that I haven't had better luck, but rather worse. At times that's the position I take, as odd as that may sound.



MagicMike
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17 Dec 2006, 9:32 am

Ya, last time I kissed a girl, we were both drunk, and I was stumbling around like an idiot.



MelancholyBunny
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17 Dec 2006, 4:59 pm

I have never dated and do not plan on doing so any time soon, i have never even held hands with someone, apart from my mother, let alone kissed a person etc, and as i dislike physical contact with human beings i doubt i'll be doing anything for a long time.

It all seems so...silly to me; people tie themselves into knots about it and act like the world is over because they never shared an awkward conversation with a semi-stranger, they get depressed and declare that they will be alone for the rest of their lives. I'm sorry if i'm being arrogant and unfeeling, but i fail to see the point in something that can make a person feel so bad about themselves. In my opinion dating and romantic relationships are more trouble than they are worth.



shadexiii
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17 Dec 2006, 5:07 pm

MelancholyBunny wrote:
I'm sorry if i'm being arrogant and unfeeling, but i fail to see the point in something that can make a person feel so bad about themselves.


It can make someone feel bad if things don't go well, but on the other hand, if they do then they can feel rather good. It isn't an awkward conversation with a semi-stranger, its what could develop after that first...second....third awkward conversation (or if you want to take the wrong angle, first....second.....ninth alcoholic beverage...) that people are interested in. That's part of why I haven't been all that successful in the first place, I hate the whole initial silly back and forth bit. Unfortunately there's no way to skip said awkward and irritating parts.



CaptainHowdy36
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18 Dec 2006, 1:46 am

quiet wrote:
I'm 22, never dated or been in a relationship. Anyone else have this same problem? I honestly do not know what to do about it, and I occasionally end up asking questions like this on the internet.

I've read a lot of posts on various AS forums over the past year, and almost everyone seems to have had better luck with this than me.


words=> mouth. uhuh

I'm 20, still a virgin, and while I have regular crushes on people I always seem to fall to pieces around them and turn them off. the only times I have really engaged sexually at all was when I was young, drunk and *desperate* not to feel like the weirdo who never gets with people. I've since grown out of that phase, phewf, it was disgusting. I always feel like I'm waaay to quirky and different and people couldn't handle going out with me. It wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have the tendancy to feel lonely, but I do. I just try to keep positive and think maybe one day I'll meet some freak or geek somewhere who I'll really hit it off with and it wont matter that I'm a little bit... unique :lol: I don't know many other people who have similar problems in the flesh, but it sure as hell seems like there are many others out there on the aspie forums. thank God for the internet!