Scared of Never Meeting Anyone

Post Reply New Topic

Ever since I stopped school I've been very scared that this is the beginning of the road that leads to me dying alone. Just the thought of being alone for years on end makes my head feel like it's going to implode. They say that everyone has a soulmate but I'm having a difficult time believing that.

This is absolutely me. Have never had anyone, no reason to believe that I ever will have anyone. I don't believe in soulmates or even that "there is someone for everyone", I think that's something people just come up with to comfort people who don't have anyone.

I have met some people, but sometimes the way i do it is awkward

I can relate man. To be honest, one of the biggest reasons that I went to school in the first place was with the hopes of making friends or getting a girlfriend. I also feared that had I dropped out of school, I would become socially isolated and lose all of my social interaction skills. The sad thing is that even while I was in school, i didnt rally have any friends, and it seemed people were standoffish towards me. I graduated in august and of course I never really meet anyone anymore. I go to costco on the weekends to chat with the people who give out samples. I have actually made some friends there believe it or not..even made a friend at best buy lol(a girl).
At the end of the day though, none of the people ive had interest from, are attractive to me, so i am stil struggling to find a girlfriend. I also have been too lazy to apply for grad school(again hoping i could meet someone there).

Make an effort to go out and meet new people. That's important.

But seek situations that don't make you miserable either. I made the mistake of trying the club or bar scene a few times, but it was too much...too much noise, too much going on, and besides, the kinds of people that frequent bars and clubs and whose goal is to get sh*tfaced, are not the kind of people I care to meet anyways.

Try little things, gradually inoculate to the stresses of meeting people. Informal gatherings perhaps? Do you work? Do you have coworkers who could invite you to a party or social gathering, or maybe help connect you with people?

I for one enjoy going to a big open air festival they do in my city once a month, where everyone comes out to check the art galleries. these people are much more of my kind, and I feel more comfortable there.

Or maybe just go for a walk in the park. Get a routine going. I reliably run in the same trail every day, and sooner or later I meet someone, and forge a new bond, which could get me one step closer to The One. Put yourself out there so people will notice you.

And give online dating a shot. I won't lie and say it's the solution. I've been doing it for years, and I've yet to establish a lasting relationship from it, but it has proven valuable in that it gives me a semblance of control and self confidence. When I search online, I can reassure myself that,"Hey, at least I'm trying."

The trying is the key. If you do nothing, the spiral of despair will get worse. But at least if you try, you'll feel a great sense of control, and it's the only control we can count on. Because it's not a given any of us will ever find anyone. But if we don't try we DEFINITELY WILL DIE ALONE. If we try, at least there IS A CHANCE. That's the best we can hope for, and there is no choice but to take it.

i tried to force myself into the bar scene as well. I would go there and it would make me extremely depressed. I would leave the bar almost ready to go in my room and cry. I am not much of a drinker and like you, i dont like those types of people but that isnt what made the experience terrible. What made it terrible was there I was looking at what id never become. I was looking at all of the guys with their suave dance moves, self confidence, and hot girls grinding their vaginas all over them. I on the other hand, was standing in the corner trying to work up the courage to dance on the floor and trying to convince myself that my dancing wouldnt suck. I would try to ''accidentally'' rub my arm against a girl's arm just for some cotnact with a girl. I would pray a girl would turn and ask me to dance. One girl did try to dance with me but she was INCREDIBLY wasted. Not only that but it took her 2 seconds to see how anxious I was and she went to another guy lol. I even watched club videos on how to dance properly because i lacked rhythm. it just doesnt come naturally to me. I kind of liked the music though. it was a little too loud to talk with my friends but overall it was fun.

Don't lose hope. You're still young.

Whenever I think I am going to die alone, I think of the possibility of soulmates. How a freak of nature like Juan Baptista dos Santos came to find Blanche Dumas, a similar freak of nature who happened to live in the same time. Because sometimes, no matter how unlikely, soulmates do exist, and we were built in pairs, no matter how many extra limbs or genitals you happen to have. (Link NOT SAFE FOR WORK)

And with the bar scenes, if I do meet someone and it escalates to a lifetime pair-bond with offspring, "I met her at a bar" really isn't the ideal situation I would want to tell my kids. I would actually rather have "I met her on the internet". Besides, I'm just using heuristics and generalizing, but the type of women who frequent bars to meet dudes probably isn't the type I want to bring home to my family.

I used to be anti-bar/clubs, that was until I learned how to dance and now I go out 6 nights a week...

I discovered that I really don't care to get married. In fact, I probably don't ever want to get married because I don't believe in long-term commitment. That ship sailed LONG ago, and I would much rather die alone than have to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars in child support and alimony.

You hit the nail on the head, Allan.

I hate the club thing...drunk women all over the place and a lot of mad drunk guys looking for a fight..what a nightmare..give me a nice walk or even a meal out or take in a good movie any day!

I am a lonely guy that would love to meet a nice girl one day..but because i don't go out and do the social thing then it is hard
I am looking for someone that has the same interests as me and loves animals and a more peaceful kind of life...also being honest and although i am an introvert i still love a good laugh with the right people..it's hard with AS trying to meet that someone that can accept you that's why i was thinking of maybe trying to meet someone with AS like me..i am not a clever guy..but at the same time not stupid!...just a simple kind hearted person hoping to one day meet his match..you never know there might just be that person out there willing to give me a chance..i hope so as live alone is a hard one for me.

I love the club scene because of the music and the lighting!! !

I am on the same boat. I feel as if I am a write-off when it comes to relationships. I come off too strong for women and i flirt with them the wrong way. I have a history with that and now I am embracing the bachelor life coz of it. I have contemplated using online dating as the last bastion to my single problem.

I think the real method that worked for me was to stop overanalyzing it all and to stop caring about it. When you truly stop caring, things just seem to happen. I haven't really rapped my head around it nor even know if its possible, but personal experience has made this my conviction. Everyone in my past that I directly asked about relationships and why I wasn't in one said the same thing, and that's that it just sort of happens when you let go and don't overthink it so much. My guess is that it frees up mental resources. When you're not wallowing in self pitty, you're free to do other things, like form friendships and bonds with people. You should know that companionship isn't something you have to earn to get value too. This f****d my head up for a long time. The truth is we already have value intriinsically within us and that companionship (or anything we do or become apart of), whether sexual or platonic, can only magnify the value already within your self (or obscure it). Being a virgin or being single doesn't make you a loser, as if you were created to lose. There's holiness already inside, and what you decide to do with that inner holiness is up to you, whether it be glorifying this inner hero for the whole world to see or hiding it in the depest recessess of your soul. This doesn't just apply to having vibrantly passionate sexual relationships but everything that you do, even breathing, sleeping, eating,and what you do with your spare time.

and i hate it when people say you have plenty of time