Scared of Never Meeting Anyone
Ever since I stopped school I've been very scared that this is the beginning of the road that leads to me dying alone. Just the thought of being alone for years on end makes my head feel like it's going to implode. They say that everyone has a soulmate but I'm having a difficult time believing that.
I have met some people, but sometimes the way i do it is awkward
_________________
Just have to have patience, it will come when you least expect it to
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/mfs1013
http://soundcloud.com/DJMFS
http://mixcloud.com/DJMFS
At the end of the day though, none of the people ive had interest from, are attractive to me, so i am stil struggling to find a girlfriend. I also have been too lazy to apply for grad school(again hoping i could meet someone there).
_________________
AQ 25
Your Aspie score: 101 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 111 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
Make an effort to go out and meet new people. That's important.
_________________
I'm Alex Plank, the founder of Wrong Planet. Follow me (Alex Plank) on Blue Sky: https://bsky.app/profile/alexplank.bsky.social
But seek situations that don't make you miserable either. I made the mistake of trying the club or bar scene a few times, but it was too much...too much noise, too much going on, and besides, the kinds of people that frequent bars and clubs and whose goal is to get sh*tfaced, are not the kind of people I care to meet anyways.
Try little things, gradually inoculate to the stresses of meeting people. Informal gatherings perhaps? Do you work? Do you have coworkers who could invite you to a party or social gathering, or maybe help connect you with people?
I for one enjoy going to a big open air festival they do in my city once a month, where everyone comes out to check the art galleries. these people are much more of my kind, and I feel more comfortable there.
Or maybe just go for a walk in the park. Get a routine going. I reliably run in the same trail every day, and sooner or later I meet someone, and forge a new bond, which could get me one step closer to The One. Put yourself out there so people will notice you.
And give online dating a shot. I won't lie and say it's the solution. I've been doing it for years, and I've yet to establish a lasting relationship from it, but it has proven valuable in that it gives me a semblance of control and self confidence. When I search online, I can reassure myself that,"Hey, at least I'm trying."
The trying is the key. If you do nothing, the spiral of despair will get worse. But at least if you try, you'll feel a great sense of control, and it's the only control we can count on. Because it's not a given any of us will ever find anyone. But if we don't try we DEFINITELY WILL DIE ALONE. If we try, at least there IS A CHANCE. That's the best we can hope for, and there is no choice but to take it.
But seek situations that don't make you miserable either. I made the mistake of trying the club or bar scene a few times, but it was too much...too much noise, too much going on, and besides, the kinds of people that frequent bars and clubs and whose goal is to get sh*tfaced, are not the kind of people I care to meet anyways.
Try little things, gradually inoculate to the stresses of meeting people. Informal gatherings perhaps? Do you work? Do you have coworkers who could invite you to a party or social gathering, or maybe help connect you with people?
I for one enjoy going to a big open air festival they do in my city once a month, where everyone comes out to check the art galleries. these people are much more of my kind, and I feel more comfortable there.
Or maybe just go for a walk in the park. Get a routine going. I reliably run in the same trail every day, and sooner or later I meet someone, and forge a new bond, which could get me one step closer to The One. Put yourself out there so people will notice you.
And give online dating a shot. I won't lie and say it's the solution. I've been doing it for years, and I've yet to establish a lasting relationship from it, but it has proven valuable in that it gives me a semblance of control and self confidence. When I search online, I can reassure myself that,"Hey, at least I'm trying."
The trying is the key. If you do nothing, the spiral of despair will get worse. But at least if you try, you'll feel a great sense of control, and it's the only control we can count on. Because it's not a given any of us will ever find anyone. But if we don't try we DEFINITELY WILL DIE ALONE. If we try, at least there IS A CHANCE. That's the best we can hope for, and there is no choice but to take it.
_________________
AQ 25
Your Aspie score: 101 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 111 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
Don't lose hope. You're still young.
Whenever I think I am going to die alone, I think of the possibility of soulmates. How a freak of nature like Juan Baptista dos Santos came to find Blanche Dumas, a similar freak of nature who happened to live in the same time. Because sometimes, no matter how unlikely, soulmates do exist, and we were built in pairs, no matter how many extra limbs or genitals you happen to have. (Link NOT SAFE FOR WORK)
And with the bar scenes, if I do meet someone and it escalates to a lifetime pair-bond with offspring, "I met her at a bar" really isn't the ideal situation I would want to tell my kids. I would actually rather have "I met her on the internet". Besides, I'm just using heuristics and generalizing, but the type of women who frequent bars to meet dudes probably isn't the type I want to bring home to my family.
_________________
Valar Morghulis
I used to be anti-bar/clubs, that was until I learned how to dance and now I go out 6 nights a week...
I discovered that I really don't care to get married. In fact, I probably don't ever want to get married because I don't believe in long-term commitment. That ship sailed LONG ago, and I would much rather die alone than have to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars in child support and alimony.
FireoftheStorm
Raven
Joined: 28 Dec 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 110
Location: Knoxville, TN (Home) or Pittsburgh, PA (College)
I hate the club thing...drunk women all over the place and a lot of mad drunk guys looking for a fight..what a nightmare..give me a nice walk or even a meal out or take in a good movie any day!
I am a lonely guy that would love to meet a nice girl one day..but because i don't go out and do the social thing then it is hard
I am looking for someone that has the same interests as me and loves animals and a more peaceful kind of life...also being honest and although i am an introvert i still love a good laugh with the right people..it's hard with AS trying to meet that someone that can accept you that's why i was thinking of maybe trying to meet someone with AS like me..i am not a clever guy..but at the same time not stupid!...just a simple kind hearted person hoping to one day meet his match..you never know there might just be that person out there willing to give me a chance..i hope so as live alone is a hard one for me.
I love the club scene because of the music and the lighting!! !
_________________
Just have to have patience, it will come when you least expect it to
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/mfs1013
http://soundcloud.com/DJMFS
http://mixcloud.com/DJMFS
I am on the same boat. I feel as if I am a write-off when it comes to relationships. I come off too strong for women and i flirt with them the wrong way. I have a history with that and now I am embracing the bachelor life coz of it. I have contemplated using online dating as the last bastion to my single problem.
I think the real method that worked for me was to stop overanalyzing it all and to stop caring about it. When you truly stop caring, things just seem to happen. I haven't really rapped my head around it nor even know if its possible, but personal experience has made this my conviction. Everyone in my past that I directly asked about relationships and why I wasn't in one said the same thing, and that's that it just sort of happens when you let go and don't overthink it so much. My guess is that it frees up mental resources. When you're not wallowing in self pitty, you're free to do other things, like form friendships and bonds with people. You should know that companionship isn't something you have to earn to get value too. This f****d my head up for a long time. The truth is we already have value intriinsically within us and that companionship (or anything we do or become apart of), whether sexual or platonic, can only magnify the value already within your self (or obscure it). Being a virgin or being single doesn't make you a loser, as if you were created to lose. There's holiness already inside, and what you decide to do with that inner holiness is up to you, whether it be glorifying this inner hero for the whole world to see or hiding it in the depest recessess of your soul. This doesn't just apply to having vibrantly passionate sexual relationships but everything that you do, even breathing, sleeping, eating,and what you do with your spare time.
WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,147
Location: California, United States
and i hate it when people say you have plenty of time
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