Virginity

Post Reply New Topic

I'm 25 and a virgin.
I have had a few chances when I was in my late teens and I was an idiot for not taking them. After that I have had few chances with girls in the last few years...

Lately, past year or so, I have gained some confidence and seem to be attracting girls. But now, I have a problem.
I have no experience. I don't have any idea what to do if I had the chance. I guess this would be acceptable if I were 17 but not at 25.

I don't want to meet nice girls who would be turned off by sexual incompetence. So I have been thinking lately, should I hire myself a prostitute?
Just to gain some experience, to know what I am doing... To not be a massive disappointment.
I am not completely certain but this is holding me back from meeting girls and trying to have a relationship.

Some advice please?

I honestly don't think you would gain any useful experience with a prostitute.

If any girl did have issue with lack of sexual experience (and I'm sure there are lots of them who wouldn't), it would probably be because she was afraid you would not know how to please her.

But with prostitutes, they mostly just fake orgasms and there is no real dynamic where they are supposed to be getting pleased--they're just supposed to seem like/do whatever they need to do to get the guy finished and paying them. (I really don't have any experience with prostitutes, but this is what I assume.) It wouldn't actually teach anyone how to be a better lover, in my opinion.

Plus, I think a lot of women would be more disturbed by a past history of prostitutes, rather then a lack of sexual history.

I think it would be better for you to just do some reading about sex and how to please women. There is a lot of educational material out there. Then, even if you were inexperienced, you might become more knowledgeable then a lot of other men who have more sexual experience than you. Besides--people aren't all alike. It's very important to be a student with a new sexual partner, regardless if one is experienced or not.

Do u follow a religion that frowns upon pre-marital sex? Even if u aren't devout, u might meet a girl who is more devoted and be glad u waited.
If u do hire a prostitute, and later on the subject of past partners comes up w/ a girl ur involved with will u be ok if comes out u lost ur virginity to a prostitite?

And consider there are girls who are still virgins at ur age. If u get involved w/ them, they will be glad that ur as inexperienced and nervous as they are.

U only have one first time. I think people are better off making it mean something if they can.

On the other hand, if ur so nervous about ur lack of experience that u can't bring urself to have sex period, then ur better off hiring a prostitute.

I was just shy of 32 years when I kissed that affliction goodbye. Believe me, the fear is worse than the reality. You learn quickly if you're willing. And if the person is as nice as you'd want a long term partner to be, they'll be patient. Be willing to please your partner, and it will work out fine. Everyone on the planet was a newbie at the beginning. If it mattered a lot, we'd be a lot less over-populated than we are.

Exactly!
And what happens if one is unable to please her?
Wouldn't girls care that their partner is absolutely terrible, useless and inexperienced?

I have a feeling this may result in any sort of relationship being ended soon after.




You are right. But, for an horrendous analogy, if you are learning to drive isn't it better to have a drive in the parking lot rather than getting straight on the road and crashing?
Perhaps I would at least have a concept of the dynamics if nothing else.



Of all I have read, seen and talked about. The first time seems to go badly. I don't really want to get graphic here, suffice it so say I don't want to be the guy who lasts for 10 seconds with a girl.
I just seriously have no idea what to do, or how to do it.

Religion is not the issue. And I am uncertain I would be able to get along with a religiously devout girl.
I can't really see anyone else being a virgin. In my teenage years, at school, etc., most had lost theirs at or before 16 (legal age).


Yeah, that is what I have always thought. But is it worth it "meaning something" if it ends in disaster?

Sigh--I typed this up and then erased it--and now am typing it again.

So--as for the relationship being ended--I think it's a great idea to build up to physical intimacy (over a period of weeks or months--whatever is comfortable to you and her.) You can start with making out. Then, another day, you can go further--sexual things with clothes on. Then, later, you can do sexual things without intercourse.

By the time you get to intercourse you will know a lot more about how to please your partner, than you would by sleeping with a prostitute.

And as for the first time going badly--I think you're right. I think it does. But I assumed that men could learn how to control that with masturbation? I don't really know. Maybe not.

A prostitute probably won't teach you what to do to please a woman--she might even teach you the opposite. You should read about it. It's not that hard to get the basics down--and then everything else has to do with your individual partner.

Last edited by Zinia on 08 Jul 2012, 2:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

The first time is not going to be great. Accept it and make light of it. If there is opportunity then I wouldnt hire a pro and I wouldnt lie about your status. You might get a better intro if the girl you are with knows your situation and decides to train you up. Everyone has to go through that stage.

If she cares that much, then she probably isn't very understanding. And therefore probably not worth it.


If that happens just *coughs* finish her off. If u don't know how, Google it. And ask the girl for feed back on what feels good to her. She might end up happier than if u had've lasted longer.

I am positive that hiring a P is a bad idea. Sex is a serious thing and the first time is important. Really? None of your girlfriends or wife of the future will be happy knowing that your first time was with a paid escort. They'd prob ask y you just didn't wait for them. When you meet the right woman,and develop a loving relationship you'll be more comfortable. Just wait...you'll be fine.

The first two girls that I was dating, when I met them I just told them straight that I was a virgin ; and later they were to tell me that one of the reasons why they liked me was because of that. That was when I was 24 years old.

They were actually attracted to a guy who came out straight that he's a virgin. To them, it was a refreshing change to the other guys who brag about how "good they are" while at the same time talking complete nonsense, lying and deceiving them. For me to come along ; I was putting it clear that I have no experience with girls, and I did it in a way as if to say I'm not ashamed about it either.

From my experience I found that notion of "women wanting a man to be sexually experienced" , a load of rubbish (as a generalization of course)

Since then, on all other dates and relationships throughout the following 20 years, I would always understate my "experience with women" whereas most other guys would overstate/exaggerate it.

Please don't go down the prostitute route. There are lots of nice girls out there who will be understanding about your virginity, but I don't know any nice girls who would be happy to find out that their boyfriend had paid for sex. I think a woman would be very flattered if you said that sex and relationships are important to you and that you have been holding out for the right woman.

Read.

Go slow.

Going slow gives your partner a lot more time to feel fully aroused, and she may even suggest what she wants.

Take the point of view that your pleasure isn't going to be a problem, so the important thing is to spend time pleasing her. So what if the first time ends with her satisfied and you not? That is certain to recommend you to her for more adventures.

You would be surprised how far you can go with your clothes on. Google "dry humping" if you don't believe me - and if she is on top, she can definitely reach satisfaction, even if you don't. That was my first experience of a partner reaching satisfaction - and neither of us had ever had full sex with anyone. It is a boost to your pride when you find you can satisfy your partner and you haven't even reached last base yet (full intercourse). And you can then credit yourself with being a gentleman ("Ladies first" isn't a bad motto in love-making).

Making out with your clothes on means that you don't have to get too worried about "technique". Hormones will keep you both well occupied arousing one another (feeling one another's clothed bodies), and staying clothed gives you equal opportunity to get aroused without getting aroused too quickly. Your partner is free to reach satisfaction because you are not trying to get yours first. You are just pressing your bodies close together and moving against each other - nothing much here to get wrong.

Once you know you can please her while clothed, you can graduate to more, um, unclothed activities.

This is most important, and not something you will want to lie about the rest of your life.

Admitting you are a virgin will make it easier for women to understand why you are nervous or can't make the move. I wish I had.

It's really not that hard to have sex.

That might be true. However, for me - and most men I know - it's hard to find a woman to have sex with. It's probably not even the sex itself that's the problem for women - it's the fact that a guy attracted to you hasn't ever managed to succeed in that way. I've heard of some cultures where women look for polygamous wives for their husbands so their own social status increases as their husband has more social and sexual partners, and I'm wondering if that's deep-rooted.