Gr.... I cant figure her out!

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Well, I've went through a lot in my life when I decided to stop being self-loathing and take a haitus from this website. I havent exactly gotten a girlfriend, though, but I have made a few close brushes and at least now I'm finally starting to have a good social network for friends being built up. The problem is that there is this one girl in my social network whom I'm very attracted to (more mentally then physically). She is pretty much the direct opposite of me - very outgoing, very very confident and uhmm... much more experienced. She - along with a few of my other close friends - know of my social problems (although they do not know that I may be autistic) and have even offered to help with advice on getting a girlfriend.

But like I said, I am totaly in the friends zone with her. Its this weird thing where its not necessarily because I look or act bad (she has told me that I am "reasonably handsome") because I've heard from a mutual friend that she had dated lots of weird, insecure guys. She had told me flat out that she will not date me, but has never specified a reason why.

I would not have a problem being close friends with her, because my attraction is more mental then physical towards her, but something tells me that I shouldnt just throw in the towel here, and try to dig in further for answers. Right now, the only way I can think of trying to understand her is to go out on movies with just her. I think she's up for it - she said she'll be interested once her schedule cools over. My question is when it happens, can I do anything to build any sort of chemistry between us? I am afraid of pushing things because I dont want to alienate her completely as a friend.

I think you should prod her for the reason she only sees as a "friend", the criticsm might be harsh and she may not like saying it for that reason, but tell her if you are honest with me it will be a chance to improve upon myself. Shouldn't friends be honest with each other anyways?

Aye.

and for once I have no long winded theories to offer up.

as a female, DON'T try to get a reason from her on why she won't date you. She said she won't date you. Just let it go at that or you will make things worse. There is nothing worse than being asked to explain why you're not into someone. It makes them uncomfortable and will probably make them not want to hang out with you, be friends with you.

Be happy in the fact that you have friends who are willing to help you out with your social problems. Let them set you up with people you may really like, but please, for the sake of girls everywhere, do not chase someone who has already made it clear that they do not want to be more than friends. Enjoy the friendships you have because they last far longer than any romantic fling.

Because it doesn't necessarily have to do with him. There's lots of people I haven't dated, for whatever reasons, and usually its just me not really wanting to open up to someone emotionally or physically.

Its also completely embarrassing and awkward to tell someone exactly why you're not into them romantically. It really isn't a good idea, because most of the time they're not into you for reasons you can't change, like they only date blondes, etc.

There are a lot of people out there who are uncomfortable about telling people exactly how they feel. This doesn't make them bad people, or liars, it just means they are not ready to open up to people. Putting them on the spot makes them feel worse, and makes the whole situation worse, and can cause them to resent you.

hmm.

good point Veronica.

If it were me, I'd prefer to know the reason. It would then give closure so I could move on. If I considered it a stupid reason then I wouldn't be so keen on the person any more.